I don't know what to do.

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mintyboxx
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Joined: 02/27/2017 - 10:42pm
I don't know what to do.

Hi there. I'm new to this site,and I've read lots of the stories on here all day and was crying through each one because of how similar it was to my situation and the fact that I know I'm not alone at all! My husband is a PC game addict and I just don't what to do anymore. I guess the last straw was looking up what to do on Google and I found this site. I knew my husband liked playing games, and I do as well! I just never thought he'd get to the point of playing at his every waking moment. I wish I had told myself earlier not to continue but I am a very stubborn person and saw ending the relationship as losing and failing. I can't even have a normal conversation with my husband either playing a game on the PC or on his phone. Even when we go out anywhere (Which I have to beg and drag him) he ia always playing a game on his phone. If I ask him to put it away, he just get's angry and says "No, I do what I want!" or something like that. He get's angry at me very often and seems to use the excuse of being angry with me to play more games to get out his stress. His normal schedule is wake up and play, go to work, come home and play, go to sleep at 6am. And repeat...If I ask him to spend time with me, he get's angry. If I don't nag at him at all, he sees it as free time to play games. And the very few times he manages to tear himself away from the computer to cuddle or something, he actually times it! He will check the clock and say "ok 5 mins" and then go back to gaming once time is up.

He is not neglegting any of his duties. He works, does some house chores, pays his bills, he does well in school. He just uses any and all free time to play games! I feel like i'm married and sharing a house with a robot!

I;m not sure if he is considered an addict or not. He does like to go out and hang with friends or travel. He just uses all of the in between time to either play or talk about games. I just don't know what to do anymore and it really feels like I'm going crazy. When I tried to calmly talk to him, he get's mad. If I leave him alone and do my own thing, he gets mad that I'm not happy with him. If I act sad or depressed becauge of him ignorning me, he gets mad and asks why I'm sad. ?? I know you don't see what you're doing but you can't actually be stupid either!

Basically, I don't know what to do anymore and really think I'm getting into a depression stage.

~working out is fun~

Polga
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Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome minty

Welcome minty

This could be a challenge you cannot win. It's not because you are failing, but because it's up to him and him alone to decide what choices he makes. That is not in your control.

It seems like you are getting to the stage where you realise you are completely powerless over his choice to continue to game. His gaming is coming before your relationship. It's possible that his excessive gaming has made him oblivious to your needs. That's because the dopamine rewards from constant gaming have rewired his brain to bypass the empathy parts of his brain. Addicts start to loose interest in anything other than the game, leading the spouse to feel rejected. Your experience is shared by many here. It may be that gradually he will start to cut down more and more on the other healthy activities.

Once you accept you have no power, you just have to step back and look after you. Dwelling on his choice to game is not helping you. Start to focus on yourself. become an awesome person in your own right. Get your support elsewhere if he can not give it to you. Stop getting manipulated by him and stop arguing. "Detach with love" and please yourself.

Part of detaching with love is looking at any ways you are enabling him to continue gaming. He needs to feel the consequences of his addiction to want to stop. We cannot make them recover; they need to realise it for themselves.

http://www.olganon.org/forum/discussion-spousessignificant-others-olg-anon-members-only/about-enabling-spousessos-addicted

As you suggest, if you stop begging him for attention he is likely to game more, which you do not want for many 'good' reasons. On the other hand if you back off, you will be letting his addiction play out. The consequences of that choice will manifest themselves sooner, he may see more of his life going down the tubes and finally have the aha moment he needs to reassess.

Whether he is addicted, or just behaving in a selfish way does not really affect what you need to do. We can never really know what is in the mind of the gamer. All you can do is look after you.

Keep coming back to find out more on the spouses forums.

 

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