I need help for my husband

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waterbaby0623
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Last seen: 3 years 4 months ago
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Joined: 06/25/2016 - 10:44pm
I need help for my husband

So my husband and I are both 26 years old and have been married for 2 years now. He's in the Navy and an avid gamer. When I say avid gamer I mean his life revolves around it. We currently are a one income household I'm 9 months pregnant with our first child together who is due July 7th. My issue is I try not to complain, I knew he was a gamer when I married him, I know that it's been a major part of his life since he was a little kid, his mom taught him how to play Mario when he was like 5 years old and he's been addicted ever since. He's not a bad man, he goes to work and hardly complains about being the only income provider, he tries to give me whatever it is that I want or need, like if I see a book or something I want he'll get it for me if he can, or if I want to go out to eat at a certian place he'll take me. He's been my best friend really, he tries his hardest.

I know I'm not the easiest person to get along with (esp being pregnant and moody now) but I've noticed how much gaming has taken over his life. He goes to work at 6am, comes home around 5:30pm, he'll clean the cat boxes out (after I've nagged him like 100 times to do it) and he'll walk the puppy for me knowing I've had her all day.  Then right after that he'll go staright to the video games, the xbox or the computer (mapplestory), and he'll be on them almost all night, except the few times I bug him to go cook me something or go get me something to drink, to which he still complains.

I've noticed that when I have to nag him to do something like clean the cat boxes out or do the dishes in the kitchen for me, he'll rush thru them, and then I'll end up having to go back behind him and redo them. When he takes the puppy out (she's 9 weeks old and NOT potty trained yet) he'll give her the least amount of time he can to walk around and do her business before he'll rush her in so he can get back to his games.

It's like when he starts playing he doesn't even realize how much or how fast time is passing. He won't get off the games till about 11 pm or so, and on his days off, instead of trying to help me prepare more for the upcoming birth by sorting things out or cleaning or setting stuff up, he'll spend all day and all night on the games. I've seen him get so caught up playing mapple story that he didn't even come to bed until 6 am, then he'll sleep till about noon, get up and do it all over again.

And it's not just at home the video games have taken over everything. When we go out and about to visit with family he'll usually have his phone or his vita or DS. Instead of spending time enjoying the family he'll find a comfy spot sit down and just play his games until its time to go home.

The gaming has started causing fights with us with me just wanting to point out how I feel to him. He recently just got orders stationing him in Everett, Washington, we currently are in Portsmouth, Virginia, that's a LONG move that we are about to go thru with a newborn baby, a puppy, and 3 cats. I try to point out to him that I want to go thru our stuff BEFORE the movers get here on July 18th to pack it up, I want to get rid of any junk or trash, I don't want to drag everything we don't want or use across country, it's already going to be stressful enough, he'd rather sit and play games. He says let them pack it all and we will sort it out when we get out there. When I try to explain my point here that I'm already going to be stressed enough, moving to a whole new area, having a newborn baby, a puppy, the three cats, and everything else, that I'd rather do the hard work and annoying work of sorting everything here BEFORE we move, he gets upset or just brushes it off. Says oh he'll help it won't just be on me, but I know it will be just from past experiences with him. He'll get back into his routine of going to work, coming home doing the BARE mininum and then going straight to the games. I'll be the one trying to feed the baby walk the dog, clean up after the cats, and unpack everything all while sorting it.

When I say it needs to be sorted it's because our last move was a frantic quick one, literally had to move in like 4 days. It was literally open a drawer and dump whatever is in there in a box or a bag that we had. Nothing is organized nothing has been sorted thru. I don't want to drag extra junk to sort thru to a new place across country.

We fight about that we fight about how he always does the bare mininum of everything, about how I always have to go behind him and redo whatever. Like tonight when our puppy had an accident on her bed, he took the bed, rinsed it off in the bath tub, and threw it in the washer, leaving the mess from the bed in the tub. He was in just a rush to get back to his game he left extra work for me to do. Then he gets mad when I point it out to him.

I can not tell you how many times I've told him if he would just do it right and fully the first time he'd be done a lot quicker. It hurts because even talking to him begging him yelling at him even doesn't work doesn't get thru to him. I'm tired of feeling like the only one who is reality. I'm tired of being the only one who worries about real life stuff, like what and how to pack, sorting out junk that we don't need, doing things now to make our lives and move a lot easier, worrying about bills and life. His main focus is work and video games. I feel like some days I have a 15 year old for a husband instead of a 26 year old. I feel alone some days, abandoned sometimes. Like I told him before if things were reversed and I was the one working and he was the one who was pregnant I'd want to do everything in my power to make his life easier, even if it meant I had to stay up all night going thru EVERYTHING we owned and sorting out the stuff we don't want or need just to make him happy.

I try not to complain because like I said he's the only one working, I've been in that spot before of being the only one working. And like I said he is a good guy just wish he'd put the controller down and focus on adult life for once. I'm at my wits end and really have no idea what to do. I know I love the man, I wouldn't of married him if I didn't. Part of me feels like the only way to really wake him up is if I were to leave him. I hate feeling like to just get him to open his eyes and grow up some, I need to say good bye to him and let him see what he's giving up for video games, his daughter and I.

Polga
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Last seen: 7 hours 58 min ago
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Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome Waterbaby

Welcome Waterbaby

Thanks for sharing your story.

It sounds like an addiction and is likely to get worse with time, stress and children.

If you read the stories of the other spouses of the spouses forums you will see similarities to your own story.

At the moment you are at a crisis point with your move making you very stressed. Do all you can to ease the burden on yourself and just do the things that are important to you. he should take care of his business.

Gaming addicts need to feel consequnces to feel the need to change so by you taking over your husbands responsibility so it it lessens the burden on him, is not helping him face his problem. One thing spouses of gamers can do is to stop enabling. The spouse becoming the mom is often seen in this situation, but you need to step away from that if he is to feel consequences.

Keep coming back to find out what you can do regarding looking after yourself, setting boundaries, "detaching with love". Get plenty of support for yourself because you will need it.

Start with the sticky posts on both the spouses forums in the blue are at the top

http://www.olganon.org/forums/discussion-spousessignificant-others-olg-anon-members-only

http://www.olganon.org/forums/i-need-help-spousessignificant-others

Keep coming back!

INFO

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Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

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