I'm new here and desperately need some support. Please forgive my grammar mistakes and run-on sentences. I'm not a native English speaker and am very emotional at the moment.
I'm a gamer myself, but never to the point that I lose hours and hours playing. I know and recognize my responsibilities and get stomachaches if I can't finish a task in real life. Being a gamer, I kept meeting people who like to game as well. Before my current relationship I was married to a deadbeat dad to no children, who lied about applying to jobs and never getting one while spending all of my money until I had nothing, NOTHING left. He spent all of his time gaming, Well, I finally came to my senses and ended it. My current boyfriend and I met online playing a game, became friends and eventually I drove 12 hours on a 3 day weekend just to see him and make sure we had or didn't have something. We hit it off, spent an amazing weekend and never exceeded 2 weeks at a time not seeing each other. He eventually moved in to my state, since I'm still a grad student here. It's been 6 months since we started living together and it's been both good and bad. It feels and sounds weird to say but I've never been happier with anyone else or on my own (which I love to be) than him. That's why he also made me miserable like I've never been at the times.
I love him so much, yet his game (singular) is taking all of his time. He works full time and plays 5-6 hours every week day, I can't even count the hours on the weekends, definitely more than 10 though. I go to school during the week and work for 7 days. He doesn't have a car so I drive him to and from work (40 minutes in total) and we cook together every once in a while. This is all we do if I don't nag about how much he spends time playing his game. I used to play the same game just because I love it, but I realized he spent even more time that was and I got really frustrated. Meanwhile, I tried to make the most of very little time we had together (because I'm very, very busy) while he was on his headset talking to his dad or friends while playing this game. He wanted me to lay down/sit next to him while he played because he "enjoyed it". I think he just wanted to make sure I wasn't frustrated at a different corner, hiding from everything that is going on at that moment. He blamed me for being unhappy and making him upset when I get like this. We've had a gaming related issue for almost every week now. It got worse.
We went to see a movie a couple days ago and before the movie, I was overwhelmed with frustration of always sitting next to him and looking at a screen. So I told him that I want a life with no screen time. I want to go out, live, help people and actually do stuff. He just said, "that won't be me, just let me play my games." I lost it pretty bad after the movie when we were back at home, I was just throwing salad all over the place (never threw stuff before). Believe me, I was the Brutus of that Ceasar... I was determined to leave, didn't know what was wrong with me. He seemed really calm even though he was ****ed. Stopped me and said "I don't want you to sleep anywhere else but our bed". Same night, he played until 4 am after playing all day long except the movie time, let my cat out because he wasn't paying attention while talking to his friends and did not wake me up probably because he was sure I would leave him right then. Anyway, the cat came back after 12 hours, I didn't blame him but told him he should've come to bed earlier.
When we got home last night, he said he is not hungry so I can make something for myself, then he headed towards his game room. Realizing that the place is sh** (I refuse to clean if he doesn't help, I'm not his housekeeper) so we started picking up things. Once he saw me doing that he stopped and let me do it (grrrr), called his dad to talk about his game and plans. When he hung up I asked him to sit with me for a second. He started kissing me and you know, thanks to the way he kissed me I thought we were going to get intimate. Then he stopped, to go play his game. By the way, I fell a few days ago and hurt my left shoulder/arm. I can't raise my arm too high so I need help doing some things at the moment. I needed his help to shower (unfortunately can't even wash my hair properly atm) and he just sat down to play. He got angry at me for asking. I just jumped in the shower and locked the bathroom door and that was it for me. I hate asking for help and I had to do it over and over again for the past couple days. I had to ask for everything for him to do. There is 0 communication and I'm a very talkative person when it is someone I love. After that he came to me only once when he had to go to bed at midnight, because that is the only time he remembers that I actually exist. I refused to sleep with him of course. I feel so hurt I don't even know if the things I write make sense or well organized right now.
Basically, he says that he loves me and he wants to spend his life with me. He is older, and I expected him to be more responsible. His words and actions won't match. I lost it this morning after sleeping separately all night, he was really sorry but I told him I don't want to be part of his world, because we don't live in the same ones. He can't have games and me at the same time. Maybe I shouldn't have said that but I really don't want to spend my life begging for attention. He agrees that he's done wrong. I don't understand why he hasn't responded to anything over the past 6 months. That's what I kept asking him. I've been crying since this morning because I don't understand how someone can claim to care about someone and not see them drifting away SCREAMING. I feel terrible, I don't trust him, I don't think he loves or cares about me. I don't know what to do. I'm very hurt and never felt like this before. Even after my marriage ended, it was a relief. Please help me or I might lose it. I thought I was completely alone until I found this website and a couple more articles. I thought I was crazy and needy for wanting to spend time with my boyfriend. I can't even call him that, I doubt we were more than roommates having sex.