I'm done with this marriage. Financial ties have me stuck living in the same house for a long time to come.

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thingsomany
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I'm done with this marriage. Financial ties have me stuck living in the same house for a long time to come.

After so much talking and pleading, helping and supporting, I realize that my addict husband does not want to change. He admits he is an addict, but he also expresses that he doesn't want to stop. Once a week I will remind him that we are through, and after acknowledging this fact, he will forget all about this and act as if nothing is wrong within a few hours. He will make a comment like "when we have a baby", and talk about the future.

It's disheartening. We can't divorce, we can't separate because of finances. I asked him if we can move into separate rooms, and he agrees but then never does it. We have this house, and if we divorce we would have to sell. Neither of us want this. I would have to start my life over from scratch after having spent so much money renovating and fixing this house. I almost don't have the energy.

 

I had a miscarriage last month due to the stress. I cried for hours because of his addiction, and he looked at me like a helpless deer in headlights. I started bleeding the morning after and rushed to the ER, only to be told no heartbeat. I was too worn out to be mad at him. He immediately admitted to having caused it without me having to say a word, but then just started focusing on getting pregnant again.

 

However something in me clicked that this was a message for me to get out. I need to find hobbies, but have no ideas. I would love to maybe meet people from here in real life.

sadwaffle
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Hiya,

Hiya,

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've also been in the same position and am living under the same roof with my separated gamer spouse. I've found that socializing with friends and making plans with friends have got me through the tough times. A simple, "Anything going on this weekend?" can give you some good ideas. Alternatively, I found comfort hiding at the book store in a cozy nook with a cup of coffee.

Either way, you'll find your happy place and never let it go once you do. :)

Polga
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Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome thingsomany

Welcome thingsomany

I'm glad you found us.

So sorry for your loss.

It sounds like your husband is in denial about your marriage dificulties...it's easier for them just to ignore reality then have to interact with it. Maybe they think if they just do enough to keep you hanging on they can continue to go on with their chosen lifestyle without the risk of things changing...

You may find it helpful to attaned AlAnon or NarAnon meetings in your area. They are for the loved ones of addicts...they will help you to detach from the situation and you will also start meeting other folks and you may find new ideas and possibilities through attending.

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

thingsomany
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We have finally separated

We have finally separated bedrooms. I think he secretly enjoys that finances have us living under the same roof. I think he enjoys the control, he thinks that as long as I'm here, he can always get me back. He doesn't realize that permanent damage has been done. That I do not believe a word that comes out of his mouth. That I believe he is manipulative and this manipulativeness is more powerful than the part of him that is honest. Permanent damage has been done to my attraction towards him. This time is not like the last times. This time it is not a threat. This time I am really done with him and actually hopeful towards a future without him.

 

 

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