After so much talking and pleading, helping and supporting, I realize that my addict husband does not want to change. He admits he is an addict, but he also expresses that he doesn't want to stop. Once a week I will remind him that we are through, and after acknowledging this fact, he will forget all about this and act as if nothing is wrong within a few hours. He will make a comment like "when we have a baby", and talk about the future.
It's disheartening. We can't divorce, we can't separate because of finances. I asked him if we can move into separate rooms, and he agrees but then never does it. We have this house, and if we divorce we would have to sell. Neither of us want this. I would have to start my life over from scratch after having spent so much money renovating and fixing this house. I almost don't have the energy.
I had a miscarriage last month due to the stress. I cried for hours because of his addiction, and he looked at me like a helpless deer in headlights. I started bleeding the morning after and rushed to the ER, only to be told no heartbeat. I was too worn out to be mad at him. He immediately admitted to having caused it without me having to say a word, but then just started focusing on getting pregnant again.
However something in me clicked that this was a message for me to get out. I need to find hobbies, but have no ideas. I would love to maybe meet people from here in real life.