I'm essentially being forced to take care of him

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DuzysLilGirl's picture
Last seen: 8 months 1 week ago
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Joined: 03/14/2019 - 1:08am
I'm essentially being forced to take care of him

My husband and I have been married almost 11 years. I've been disabled and unable to work for the last 9 years. He never played games before we got married. He was energetic, happy, and took care of his share of responsibilities at home. A few months after we got married, he came home from Walmart with World of Warcraft. That's when it began. He started playing it a little at a time, which quickly escalated to hours spent over his laptop. He would complain if dinner wasn't ready but he wouldn't stop to eat it. He'd stay up late to finish "one more raid' and be exhausted the next day. Eventually it got so bad that he'd pass out over his computer, head dangling, drool running down his chin. That went on for two years. We battled over it all the time. I begged, I screamed, none of it did any good. Finally, I left. He'd been on an all night binge and finally went to bed after 16 straight hours. He hadn't showered in a week. I packed while he was asleep and left. When he woke up he called, and I told him that I didn't want to waste anymore of my life with a man who was only interested in me when he wanted something from me. He tried to reason with me, but I wasn't having it. So he agreed to quit. I eventually went back and things were great for a while. Then he started playing another game. And then another, and so on.

These days it's Minecraft. He's grabbed the attention of a Youtuber who does videos and sends him unbelieveavle sums of money. My husband has always worked, but I can't say that his gaming hasn't affected his job. I know he talks to the Youtuber he gives money to all the time from his phone while he's at work. I don't know what they talk about or how much they talk, but I know they talk every evening when they're playing. My husband plays Minecraft every spare minute he has. Usually about 6-8 hours in the evening after work every day, and on weekends he plays from the moment he gets up to when he goes to sleep unless I complain about it.

The biggest problem is that I can't work, so he tells me that it's "My job" to do the cooking and the laundry. It's my responsibility to make sure he has what he needs for work. He says he shouldn't have to do it because he works and I don't. He's also made it clear that if I refuse to do these things for him then he doesn't need me. According to him, I have all the free time in the world and he doesn't so if I'm unwilling to do what he needs me to do then I'm useless. Earlier this evening, I tried to tell him how his constant gaming makes me feel. I told him that it makes me feel invisible and it hurts. I told him that sometimes I get so depressed that I can't bear it. That I feel like he treats me like a servant. He laughed at me and told me my feelings were stupid, then went to take a shower. This is killing me because I can't leave. I can't work, my disablility won't cover the cost of living, and my medication alone is completely unaffordable without financial help. I'm trapped! And I know that I'm supposed to try and change me, that I can't control his issues, but what am I supposed to do when I'm essentially being forced to take care of him or live in the street?

Polga's picture
Last seen: 5 hours 20 min ago
AdministratorOLG-Anon memberOLGA member
Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
It sounds like a really

It sounds like a really difficult issue. have a look at the tools for spouses from the link for spouses in my signature below. It may help you to adjust ways you are currently living together so it affects you less, while you figure out a better plan.

Addiction rewires the brain so that they start to lack empathy. Addcits behaviour can be very manipulative also. i get a sense of this from you post.

Here are some thoughts that you may want to consider; just my opinion. I would suggest that you go and get legal advice immediately. Sometimes you can get a free introduction session. I would also check out what disabilityand housing payments you would be entitled to if you left. Once you know your legal rights it will gve you something to work with. i would also consider getting advice from a women's aid organisation that deals with domestic abuse. This could be an example of cohersive control which is illegal in the UK; I don't know about where you live.

I think it is easy for him to threaten you, but whether he would physically push you out is another matter; and that would be abuse in my book, if he did so. Perhaps you could talk to a police officer about how they would respond if that happened.


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