I'm finally taking steps to help myself and my family

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suffering.wife
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I'm finally taking steps to help myself and my family

My husband and I are a blended family. He has 2 children from a previous marriage and I have 1 from a previous relationship. We have been together for 5 years. I did not realize how big of a problem he had when we were first dating. He would only play his video games on Friday nights. 
Well flash forward a year or two and it became an every day thing, on top of playing some games on his phone. I ended up moving out of his house in January 2017 for about 7 months, for a few reasons, but the gaming issue being one of them. His gaming got to the point where he was staying up til 3am and having the volume so loud I could hear the noise from upstairs in our bedroom. We had 3 kids in the house and they didn't need to be hearing this. We went to counselling and worked things out and bought a house together in September of 2017. Things were going great. We got married and started to build our life together with a new outlook on our relationship. A few months into 2018 he bought a gaming computer costing nearly $2000. He was also spending between $300-$500 a month on live streaming subscriptions and gems for his phone games. I'm a full time student and work part time and he pays for a majority of the bills so I didn't say anything. 
Now here we are, the kids are noticing his problem. They are 13, 12, and almost 10. They make comments like "I thought dad wasn't going to play games after heroes died out", "why does he play so much?", "do you think my dad will play a board game with me tonight?". He has now been yelling through his headset saying very vulgar things to people. Our oldest asked once "How loud does the TV go? I don't think we should be hearing dad say that stuff." The 12 year old has a special needs issue, no physical ailments, but more emotional and information processing issues. He has lately been saying inappropriate things while playing on the xbox or on his phone. I have been talking to him about it. But it hasn't stopped so I have told my husband he needs to start watching for it. 

I don't want a divorce, but I want him to start being a dad and a husband again. What do I do? He has said he doesn't have an addiction and can stop any time he wants, the problem is..he doesn't want to stop. I've asked for him to play after the kids go to bed, or to at least keep the noise down while they are awake, That lasts for a day but then goes back to how it was the next day. 

There are some days he doesn't play, but I know he is itching to get on. Whether he plays or not he is aggitated and angry. I want to help him but I don't know how to. Maybe I will just start doing what makes me happy and that may motivate him to want to better himself. 

Polga
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Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome suffering wife ! You

Welcome suffering wife ! You are not alone !

It sounds like he is an addict very comfortably in denial and  you are the sensible adult in this family; while your husband is in the grip of this addiction he cannot be relied on to safeguard your son from getting his own addiction to tech. It is down to you to find support from other sources.

I recommend you keep coming back here to find out as much as you can about this baffling addiction and then make your plan.

The following thread is useful if your mission is to help him.

http://www.olganon.org/forum/i-need-help-spousessignificant-others-open-forum/i-want-help-my-husband

To get yourself some tools on how you can make some changes I recommend you start with reading all the posts over two or threee times in the first aid for spouses of video game addicts thread :

http://www.olganon.org/forum/i-need-help-spousessignificant-others/first-aid-kit-spouses-and-significant-others-video-game

and then search out other threads that may help you. There is a search box at the bottom of the page.

You cannot make him see sense but you can make changes that will help you and your kids feel better and maybe help him to wake up. Every person's story is different. It depends how addicted he is.

There is a parents meeting on Thursdays that you would also be welcome to attend if you need support

I am so sorry that you and your kids are going through this. It is awful situation. i am glad you are looking for new ways to deal with this.

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

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