At a loss.

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Last seen: 3 years 7 months ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 04/05/2016 - 3:20pm
At a loss.

Well, I have done it. I have gotten to the point where I have searched for answers and  the whys and how I (ME) can fix myself to make him want to spend time with me. For me to not feel so alone when he is in the SAME room as me. What was I doing wrong? Was it too much to ask for attention, to want to feel love from the person who is suppose to be the one to turn to for it, or have I become nagging in my cries for the videogame play to stop, and pushed him away in my desire of a simple converstation, better than "huh?", "babe can you say that again" or " just repeat that one more time" to have to futher repeat myself 4 , 5, or 12 times before my 7 word thought can be absorbed during his gameplay ( or not even).  To do things then, not in 2 mins( which turns into 20, and then 45).. In my search i have found this website and realized it is normal to be feeling the way I do. I am not wrong for wanting to be loved by my boyfriend of 2.5 years, the one i have moved in with, and planned my future with.

My boyfriend's life is consumed with his need to play Hearthstone. To read about it, watch videos of other people playing it, find blogs, forums, anything possible to be apart of anything hearthstone. I have tried everything. I have cried, i have screamed, i have broke down and learned how to play to try to be close, to eventually get bored and stop. I dont get enjoyment in consistent videogame play, mario and donkeykong are about as far as i go. Regardless, It did bring us closer, maybe for a week, but when i stopped, so did our communication again. When i do bring up his game play, he says"  im just trying to relax" or gives me an attitude. I work Full time, while putting myself through school full time, and just earned my batchelors degree with a 4.0 ( i dont have much free time to begin with for me to ask him to spend it with me). I do all of the household chores while i watch him sit in the same position everyday playing his game. He realizes his gaming habits are starting to effect his part time work and part time school (which i had to motivate him to do to begin with). We are 25, not 15. It has gotten as bad as him bringing the computer in the bathroom with him and into bed at night.  He lays his computer on the nightside, puts his back towards me, and falls asleep to some gamer taking about his love for Hearthstone. Last night i fell asleep on the couch, woke up at 4 in the morning to find him huddled in the bed with the computer while he left me out in the cold. I've began to call it his girlfriend. I am starting to become bitter. I am 100% head over heels in love with this man and he says he doesnt want anyone else and always apologizes for his actions. He recognizes its wrong and destroying ALL parts of his life-- school, family, internships, us. He even forgets holidays, birthdays, annversaries, and plans with people he has made. I am at a loss. Do i stay and see if his reflections helps him to see all that this beautiful world has to offer and to at least CUT back on his gaming, or leave as much as I am trying everything not to...

Last seen: 3 years 7 months ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 02/07/2015 - 5:13pm
Sorry for your relationship loss

Unfortunately my only suggestion to you is have your whole life ahead of you. Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. Don't waste your time or efforts. It won't get any better. I'm sorry to be blunt, but I have wasted the better part of 20 years of my life dealing with this situation. I don't recommend it for anyone else. It sucks...but it is the truth. He won't change no matter what you do. It's his loss, not yours...move on. You can do so much better.

Polga's picture
Last seen: 17 hours 56 min ago
AdministratorOLG-Anon memberOLGA member
Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome  to Olganon S !

Welcome  to Olganon S !

Thank you for your share of your experience.

Addicts describe their stages of addiction as fun, then fun and trouble, then no fun and just trouble, before they will contemplate needing to quit. It can take many years to get to their "bottom". The thing is we do not know where your addict's rock bottom is. He may have to be homeless before that happens, or maybe if you walk out he might come round. Even if he did say he was giving up, the road is tough ahead with relapses likely.

We cannot control their addiction or recovery. He has to want to do it himself.

Addicts cannot moderate and be happy. So if he is addicted ...setting a moderation timetable will only breed frustration and resentment on both sides.

I suggest you read as much of the sticky posts and other spouses stories on both forums to get a better idea of your future.


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