Lost, embarrassed, betrayed, devastated

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Freedom16
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Last seen: 3 years 2 weeks ago
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Joined: 11/05/2016 - 11:43pm
Lost, embarrassed, betrayed, devastated

Hello, I can't believe I'm here. My wife is clearly addicted to an online game, Walking Dead. It started casual but ramped up over time. In the past many months it became all consuming. At first it was annoying, she wouldn't listen to conversations, wouldn't look at you, you'd have to repeat to yourself or just stop talking because she didn't hear you anyway. This has progressed to her now being annoyed if someone interrupts her.

She recently switched factions in the game and has a new group of "friends" and its spiraled downhill quickly. She's obsessed with these people. Talks to them more than she talks to me or any real person in her life. She constantly is laughing at thier jokes etc...

Two weekends ago, it was our anniversary and I negotiated in advance, don't play on Sunday, let's spend the day together. At 2pm she was still playing. We fought at dinner in fact we fight now about that game constantly.

Last night was a light bulb moment for me. I worked hard at an event 12 hours all day and when I got home exhausted, she couldn't even say hello. She was buried in the game. My feelings were crushed. She played the game, feel asleep on the couch and came to bed at 530am, loudly! I was angry, hurt and finally accepted its a legit addiction. We haven't spoken all day.

This evening while gone working at an event, I got a strange notification on my phone, she had changed the email on her bank account and my banking app was alerting me. It was then I knew what I was going to find ... I checked her account and she's been spending money on the game, which we agreed not to do. In fact on our anniversary weekend I asked her directly if she was spending money and she told me no.

I found this site and decided to detach for the night. I was on my way to bed and heard voices and saw the dog whimpering at the garage door. She snuck out in the garage to talk to one of her faction friends. I confronted her in that moment about lying and all she can do is laugh and say what are you talking about (I knew... she wants to know what I know, what have I discovered which tells me there's so much more). When confronted she deflects and says I'm cranky, nagging, and took it to a new low degrading me saying I'm fat etc....

I feel betrayed, cheated on and lied to. These are all core principles she knows are deal breakers for marriage. She's outright lied to me and that's always been clear was not an option.

We used to be each other's world, she used to adore me. Now she only cares about the game and the people on it.

I don't know what to do, how to help her see the truth, how to help her see this has destroyed "us". But I will not stand by and allow someone to use me and mistreat me while they do as they please.

Thanks for listening. Advice appreciated.
-D

Cat17
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Last seen: 2 years 10 months ago
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Joined: 10/18/2016 - 2:00am
hello

Hello D,

I'm sorry to see another newcomer, yet happy to see I am not so alone.  It is crazy to see how such a seemingly innocent thing can take ahold of someone's life and mess up a marriage.  Advice that I have been given, so far anyway, is to seek help and support for yourself and to know that you can't fix the addict.  I personally have tried so many things in my 3 years of marriage and nothing has helped.  He does not realize he has an addiction nor does he see how much he hurts me and how much I feel rejected.  Also, something I learned is that these addicts will do ad say anything.  I see you were hurt by words of your spouse and I have experienced similar.  My husband is very good at manipulating the issues to make me feel guilty or as if I am nagging for wanting something as simple as human interaction.  Know you are not alone and that this behavior is not okay.  I'm glad you have found this site and hope you find the support and encouragement you need.

-Cat

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance -James 1:2-3

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