My boyfriend is an addict.

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Last seen: 3 years 10 months ago
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Joined: 01/18/2016 - 4:09pm
My boyfriend is an addict.

Me and my partner have been together for just over a year and a half. When we first started dating, he didn't hide that he was a gamer. He in fact told me that his exes had problems with it, and if I didn't like it that I could hit the road, in nicer words. And truly in the start, it didn't bother me. It was a lot, but not excessive to the point that it's gotten to now. He went to the gym, he spent time taking me places. We went to concerts, road trips with friends. Parties. Perhaps it was the newness of the relationship, or perhaps it was the onset of things i'm about to describe, but it's to the point now where it really bothers me, and I feel like I'm not in a position to say much about it. 

He lives with his folks, however he works a full time job and makes decent money. However it's pretty much safe to say that for the majority of our relationship, any waking moment he has that he spends at home, will pretty much be spent gaming. Dishes will pile up, laundry will be neglected, just gaming from morning till night. The money he's spent on these games and the equipment has easily been in the thousands just in the time that I've been with him, although I'm in complete agreement that he should be able to spend his money any way he wants. It is however getting to seriously affect our relationship. At first I felt completely trapped and bored at his house, with his reluctance to go anywhere and do anything on the weekends. I would look for excuses to not come over. This made me feel awful because I truly do love him and enjoy spending time with him, but I can't stand spending the whole day in a single room amongst piles of laundry and dishes. It ended in me bringing my own laptop over and spending the day just the same, on the computer, while not playing games, just wasting my time. 

6 months in he came upon some medical difficulties, which he says sparked his depression and plunge further into the games. This is when I felt the loneliest. I sucked it up and tried to be there for him as I knew that he was going through such a rough time and expected it to get better. He's since agreed to make more effort to go out with me, and he has. But we'll maybe head to the grocery store together for an hour or so, and he'll call it a day well spent and go right back to the games. He's spent a large amount of money upgrades and equipment, justifying it by saying he'll start a gaming channel. And never did. Claimed to be looking for a place to move out.. 4 months ago? Hasn't been to a viewing in ages. Has spent plenty of time gaming. 

I can't help but start to resent him a little. He is a great guy, all this aside. He makes an effort when I ask him to. But he'll let me do the cooking and dishes and laundry without batting an eye. And I feel obligated to do so because I spend so much time over there and don't contribute financially, other than food. He just doesn't ever follow through on goals he sets for himself and it's so frustrating to sit there and watch. But he will always always find time to play. 

Anything I ask of him is subject to the schedule of these games. I feel privilleged getting his attention long enough to watch a movie together. I fear coming across as a nagging girlfriend. I enjoy my fair share of gaming, I'm fairly laid back. I am not against a night or two a week even. But this is nearly every moment of his free time, and it's starting to drive me crazy. I want to be able to go for walks (literally never gone on a walk in our 1.5 years), go to the park, spend time together away from the ****ing computer. Do SOMETHING for a whole day even. Go shopping at the mall.

I love him, I love his family, and I want to be with him long term, but can't see myself doing so with somebody who can spend their whole day this way. He's mentioned wanting to be a stay at home father once I'm finished university and have a "good paying job" (who's to know), and I can already see myself coming home to a dirty house and unkempt chores. He's influencing me negatively in that I now start to spend my weekends in his room because it is the only way to spend time with him (he never comes over). I have my lazy days like anyone else, with delivery pizza and a day spent on the internet. But I also like to get things done, see people, go out. We get into it when I try to leave for a reason other than uni/work because he feels like I am just trying to get out of his house. It's the house, but it's for the fact that we really never do anything there except for sit on the computer. 

I'm not sure where to go from here. 


Polga's picture
Last seen: 1 hour 39 min ago
AdministratorOLG-Anon memberOLGA member
Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome and thanks for

Welcome and thanks for sharing your story.

It sounds like you are realising that this problem is not something likely to go away and that this is not the life you want to lead.

Many of the spouses are caught in the trap of knowing  that the gamer is in trouble but cannot or does not want to change, but they really love them so cannot bear the thought of leaving. We learn that we cannot control the gamers bad choices. The options are to to stay in the relationship and detach and take care of ourselves, or to leave and start afresh. No one can make that choice for you but yourself.

If you spend some time on the site you will be able to see the stories of spouses lives over several months/years, and maybe you can understand more what is likely to happen with your bf if you stay and can give it some more time. It's often a very long game. What would you do if you knew he wouldn't change for the next 5 years, 10 years, 20 years? Spouses who have children with addicted gamers find that the gamer is a neglecting parent and they are on their own.


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Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

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