Is my case an exception?

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Last seen: 2 years 7 months ago
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Joined: 03/20/2017 - 10:28am
Is my case an exception?

my husband has been increasingly displaying the symptoms of game addiction. failing to do his usual chores (the trash he use to take out every day is beginning to actually pile up for the very first time), he says he'll do things but never goes through with it. ...he is on the game even while driving! recently, we obtained a third phone and I let him have it because he allways told me he wished he had a second device to do other things on it while playing Blades and Rings on his first phone. I'm sure you can guess what actually happened....he now plays the same game on BOTH at the SAME TIME. madness! I cannot stress how much he misses out on on a daily basis due to his eyes being glued to the screens. he is spending less and less time in the real world where real things happen, it's quite depressing.

however, and this is a big however, he is the breadwinner of the household. it's just the two of us in an apartment, his kids from a past relationship visit on the weekends, we have no children together. I do not work, I stay home and do the dishes, laundry, cleaning, cooking, babysitting, etc, and mostly take care of our pets (we have alot). Although it sucks that he has zero ambitions, and the spontaneity in our lives is gone due to the nonstop gaming, on the plus side it pretty much means he agrees to anything I want. almost everything I own is something he paid for. if i ask him to do a chore, he'll do it (although it irks me having to tell a grown man what he is suppose to be doing...that's what we do with children).

when we first met, I dont even want to know how much he was spending on digital gems every month. i just know that when he added me to his bank account, i had access to his statements, and one time when we were pretty broke, he spent $20 we needed for groceries on an in game purchase. to make matters worse, he forgot i had access to the banking app, and LIED to my face about it the purchase. what an awful feeling looking at your spouse and thinking "I don't even know this person!" i forgave him but the trust has been broken ever since. I convinced him to let me take over finances via a budgeting app, which eliminated out of control app spending by giving each of us an allowance so-to-speak on how much we could spend on an app, monthly. And intimate nights? yea those are gone, that phone screen is the last thing he does every night. every time he says "I'll join you in bed soon" I know I'll be long asleep before he finally quits the game for the night, hours later. (and then he's going to complain about aches and sores after his 12 hr shift that I know are associated with sleep deprivation).

anyway I know this rant is all over the place but in short: should I just put up with his addiction and just focus on myself, since he pays for everything?

just wish he could play a game the way I do mine...a little bit now and then, and get chores done first, and most importantly - know when to put the phone AWAY. it use to be me, my husband, and our animals. now it's me, my husband, and his game :(

Polga's picture
Last seen: 1 day 15 hours ago
AdministratorOLG-Anon memberOLGA member
Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome WifeOfGameAddict

Welcome WifeOfGameAddict

You give one suggestion of what you can do not say what you think the alternatives are for you.

I think you need to try to think about your likely position in 5 years time that might result from whatever course of action you chose to go down now and how you would feel about the choices you made in hindsight ( proud, satisfied, ashamed, ok, bad etc). If you find that hard to do, perhaps find a therapist who knows something about addiction who can help you to explore all the possibilities to find your right path.

You cannot heal him, but you can detach and stop enabling him so he has the biggest chance to wake up and look at his choices.That would be good for him and you. What is "good for him" regarding giving him the best chance of recovery through you stepping back, may be at odds with actions you feel you need to take to make sure he keeps providing for you. 

The spouses forums have advice and experience of dealing with a loved one's addiction. Keep coming back! It could help make your choices clearer.


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