Is my husband addicted?

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dreamerlongago
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Is my husband addicted?

Hi, I think i'm in the same boat as many of the people here...and in a way that's comforting, I hope I can learn techniques and tips for my husband.

He and i have been married for nearly 4 years. We have a 13 month old son. He used to play World of Warcraft back when we were dating, while he was studying...and it got bad. We were an online, long distance relationship, we only saw each other in person twice a year as it was a 9+hour flight between us. When he was addicted the first time, he was standing me up because he was engrossed in the game and lost track of time.

And, I'm ashamed to admit, after a year of it, I got tired of it and I gave up on him, especially as another guy was flirting with me, online, not a healthy relationship as he knew i was dating, but at least he was attracted to me. So i cheated on my then boyfriend because i'd given up on him. Try not to think too harshly of me...it was cheap of me to cheat, but he forgot me constantly, and then after a while i'd tell him that i was breaking up with him, then when he'd read the email a few hours later, would come back begging and promising he'd change...and within days be back to his old behavior of dating the game more than me. Then eventually he found out about my cheating...and i was open to him, i gave the conversations to him, we talked more than we had done in months. We'd both hurt each other, but he trusted me, he knew why i'd done it...when he looked at the logs and realized how often i'd gone to chat with this other guy because i'd been stood up...he was ashamed of himself, and he pushed himself away from world of warcraft. We've had some good years without that wretched game interfering. I would never have cheated on him again.

But now here i am, married to him, and he's studying again, we've got a baby together who needs us as a unit, and now he spends most of the day in the basement on his computer, playing world of warcraft, is even a beta tester for their next expansion, that's how much he plays. For many weekends he was creeping off on Friday and Saturday evenings and playing until 3am so i'd just fall asleep alone. I hate it. I tell him so. Then he tries to come to bed, but instead he's on his phone, playing the WoW app for the auction house or whatever, i hear it pinging and see its color out of the corner of my eye, and i feel sick.

Worse still, here, there's no one i can talk to. His dad gets mad whenever he hears of how his son is behaving, he knows i'm doing all the housework: the laundry, the cooking, the dishwasher, looking after the baby, the two cats. And he'll rant at ME and stress me out, but if it ever gets to Mike, i've not heard it, and if so i know Mike will just argue back at him. I feel trapped, and sad, and less important than a video game. Apparently he must find night elves or tauroses or whatever sexier and more enjoyable than his wife *sad laugh*

Helen

Polga
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Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome Dreamerlongago

Welcome Dreamerlongago

Addiction or not, this habit is blighting his life and more importantly, your life. What ever "it" is it cannot be ignored and you canot control it.

Keep coming back to read about how you can recover from this trauma in your life.

You cannot make him recover though, but you can 'set the stage' so he stands the biggest chance of waking up from this. You can also look after yourself so your life is awesome with or without him.

It will help you to learn:

1) about how you are enabling him to continue like this and stop it

2) how to "detach with love" and

3) how to set healthy boundaries and enforce them about how people treat you (your husband and his Dad)

Take your mental focus off the gamer and onto your needs.

Keep coming back here and ready the sticky posts and stories from other spouses and make the most of this website. You are not alone. Glad you are here !

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

msphol1
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Last seen: 3 years 3 months ago
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Joined: 07/27/2016 - 9:59pm
not sure my husband is an addict either

I knew I was marrying a gamer, it had and still continues to be the one thing that is a thorn in our marriage. He plays those online multi gamer games, something with a dinosaur. No idea. When I look back I should have said to myself, " Not only are you going to marry the man and his family, but prepared to marry the game also."  I have cried, I become really depressed. It is just my husband and I. We plan on having kids, but I am seriously questioning having a baby with him, because of the complete lack of intimacy and disconnection I feel toward my husband. ( I already suffered 1 misscarriage) What makes it worse is I am a nurse,LPN. I have been in school for the past 2 years and am getting ready to graduate with my BSN, so I am able to recognize how it is affecting my life. I feel like he makes small changes to appease me, and than he comes full circle back to playing how he used to. I 've tried to explain to him that I have no feelings of intimacy or libido toward him because he always chooses his computer.
He however, nev er understands why I have no sex drive, because he does not see how his game playing is putting a wedge into our marriage. a coulple weeks ago I was upset and took my wedding ring off. Just trying to get his attention, which it did, but nothing ever changes for long. He asked me what my perfect man would be? I told him him, but only to play his games for a max of maybe 2 hours. I have asked him to make a schedule of when he will play games. He tells me, " it does not work that way."But he just does not get it.  If I start to disconnect he notices we talk and once again it goes back to the way it was. I am one that wears my heart on my sleeve, I cannot hide how I am feeling, especially not to my husband. I am trying to accept his gaming to the best of my ability, but am failing miserably. 

How do you dosconnect without things feeling awkward?

 

wife_trying_to_understand

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