My husband is a heavy gamer

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natty
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My husband is a heavy gamer

Hi everyone! ! I am glad I found this. My husband has a compulsive behavior with League of legends he plays everyday after work is the first thing he does when he gets home just stop to eat something and then play again until 10 or 11 pm ( He starts to work at 6 am ) and the weekend is the whole day in front to the computer. Even if we have dinner with friends at Fridays nights having a good time he just goes and play in the middle of the reunion. I dont known what to do anymore i feel so lonely but if I say something he just turn things on me telling me that I need a hobby that is his way to relaxing and everything ends in a big argue. He thinks is normal because is a sport. But is just pushing me away. I don't wanna this. But i dont know how to talk to he.
Pd. He is playing right now

Natta

Polga
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Welcome Natty

Welcome Natty

I am sorry you feel alone in your home. You are not alone with this problem. My advice to you is to keep coming back here to find out how other spouses deal with the problem.

I would encourage you to think about what is important to you to have a happy life. What, to you, is a healthy relationship. What changes can you make to be more positive in yourself, that you can control. Unfortunately we cannot control the gamer. If they are addicted, we are powerless over their addiction

You need to get his attention and let him know what is important to you, maybe set an ultimatum but only if you are serious to see it through, but if this has no effect on him (often it does not) you need to find a way forward to get you away from the madness of the situation.

Because we cannot control them, we can find peace by stopping trying. We can look after ourselves by detaching from their choices. We stop doing anything that makes it easy for them to continue gaming; the 'enabling', we set boundaries about their behaviour in the home, we set boundaries on what point we know the relationship is abandoned.

 

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

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iOlga
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I relate

Hi natty,

I totally relate. My husband is addicted to League of Legends, playing all day (because he works from home)
and all week end. We have 4 little kids. This week end is tough for me because I have 2 kids with a 
nasty flu and I have a flu myself. We are all tired and all I whish is to be able to rest a little because
I have fever. I can't because he is playing in his office and I'm alone with the children like every evening,
like every week end.
Also, Sunday is suppose to be a family time, if only we could have a meal together as a family,
or 5 minutes together as a couple, I'm not a difficult person, I could settle for a few minutes of attention
a day, but I don't even get those, sometimes I am telling myself that if I wouldn't be so dependent on
him I would leave. It would imply a lot of courage from me (I don't drive, I don't work, I am raising my children
who are very young) but sometimes I am telling myself that the suffering of having to bear with this 
for all my life would be much more painful than having to become independent and leave, at least I will have
the satisfaction to deal with everything on my own, I wouldn't get enmeshed in his compulsions,
I would be able to keep my head clear and focus on myself instead of waiting and waiting for him
to come spend time with us which will never happen. I will always be alone with the children, what's
the point, I am already a single parent emotionally, our marriage seems like a big joke.
I am angry and frustrated and so sad. I don't have family support, my family or origin lives in another country,
they can't help me. When I'm ill like today it's tough, no one to support me. I have no friends because I am
isolating myself, because of his addiction. I can't drive so can't go to people's house.
If I invite them over I have to clean up the house, cook, find some time (out of my nap time -
- which takes place during baby's nap) to talk a little, but then I will sleep less and I don't want to;
baby has been sick for the last 6 month almost without interruption I feel so exhausted and 
no one to rely on is just desperating. I feel that I deserve better but for now there is no
other option for me than survival, this is how it feels.
It makes me very resentfull. I know, not a good attitude. It's just that this is how I feel tonight.
I don't exist for him. And I'm making him the center of my expectations when he has zero support 
for our family. Shall I not expect anything? Then what's the point in staying married?
I'm furious. And so disapointed. I know he is not helping me wen I'm sick, it's not the first time,
but for some reasons I keep hoping and hoping 'this time will be different' only to fall from
higher and higher top of my own trap. He will never help me when I'm sick, I could lie dead on the 
floor with exhaustion he wouldn't notice, when will I put that into my head for good?

I'm sorry about the anger tonight, it's my fever talking ... This too shall pass... I just need to pray for the resentment to pass too,

because I have way too many resentments for his gaming,

 

Thank you so much for reading me,

iOlga

iOlga
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Me again ;)

Me again ;)

Something I realise is that when I share here my anger, it's like
it changes the energy field between us, now he got out of his office 
and offered to give the baby a bath ;) It's like the more I am resentfull
and I stuff my resentment he is playing more like to escape from angry me,
and when I come share here and I unload my burden ... he gets closer.
Judging by the time he spends gaming I must have a huge load of resentments :)
I have to stop judging myself for my attitude. The minute I feel angry at him
I am telling myself 'not good to be angry, you should be more compassionate,
you should detach, bla bla ' and the result is that I just stuff more and more
my feelings because I don't consider them appropriate to acknowledge and we grow
more and more apart.
This pattern is already present in my family of origin where my parents are full of
unacknowledged and unexpressed anger and they don't communicate. My father is a TV addict
and my mother keeps herself busy the way she can.
I grew with this model of a married couple, thought this is the norm and now I do what
my mother did : try to keep myself busy, have more children so that it gives me something to do,
take more responsability to escape my feelings, then complain because I'm too busy ...
A lot of things to meditate for me.

Thank you for reading me,

Hugs,

iOlga

LisaJade
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This helped. Thank you.

This helped. Thank you.

Jeffreyeric
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Relatives in compulsion

Relatives in compulsion encounter an enormous amount of anxiety since they have quite recently seen their friends and family self-destruct with liquor or medications. I recently read a blog about the tools that families typically find helpful during their journeys of healing from the impact of other people's addictions. The addiction might not just have impacted your loved one, but it might have affected you as well. Actually, individuals with addictions have negative results happening that relate to their decisions to keep on being addicted. If family members continue bailing them out or enduring injurious conduct then these people with addictions will never feel the need to change. If you are not able to bring him back to the normal stage, then I think you should take him to a  rehab . Keep updated.

 

Weezy3621
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Your not alone

Hi Hun so sorry to hear u are going through the same as me it's awful isn't it I know how u feel when u say u are all alone I feel like that too I am new on hear and my hubby gambles we have a baby and two younger boys I think he is selfish gambling our money away I don't understand he says they do it all at work. Has he had any help my hubby has telephone council ing but only just started hoping it's helping if u ever want to talk I'm hear to listen and I will try and help too

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