My long distance boyfriend's addiction that leads to getting silent treatments.

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Noodles
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My long distance boyfriend's addiction that leads to getting silent treatments.

Hi!

First of all I would like to say that I'm happy about finding this site. I was already almost convinced that I'm going crazy and didn't know It's not only me who's experiencing this until I came to this site.

I had been addicted to gaming way back when I was still in high school but I was able to luckily get it off my system when I was about to go to college. But I admit that I still play from time to time just for the sake of fun.

So in 2015, my boyfriend and I met in an (drum rolls) online game. He was from U.K. And I live somewhere in Southeast Asia :D. We were always talking in game and on viber, getting to know each other and stuff. We were really into each other and would even talk about our future with each other when I already move to his country to work. However we would constantly get into fights about some other things not gaming-related stuff. Until we finally accepted each other's shortcomings and imperfections. 

While we would chat, he would play xbox and can manage to juggle his time between college, xbox and me. He has good grades, able to give each other proper attention while playing with his console. It was almost perfect. But he would often tell me he wanted to get a pc someday so he could play runescape (his first game ever when he was 13) and that playing it would give him "the feels". And i supported him for doing a good job for having the motivation to get the things he want in life. 

Until September 2017, he finally had his own pc. I was happy that I can see his excitement and happiness. All I really wanted was for him to be happy. But i wasnt expecting for something to happen. In October, his gaming time has increased and I shrug it a little because i knew he wanted this for a long time (and I didnt realise that it was a gateway for addiction and I was enabling him to do it). However when I feel like he's getting on that game more frequently than usual. I would try to talk to him about it and tell him that it upsets me. Then he says that everything he does annoy me now. We would argue with his gaming more often. 

Whenever I message him and he doesnt reply immediately as he used to. I immediately know hes gaming which he would admit eventually. And I would try to flood him messages on viber or messenger just to make him notice me (i can't help it but i know It's wrong and he hates me doing it so i try to stop myself)

December, he rarely talks to me and just replies with short messages and it takes me an hour to get a reply off him. So i sent messages but i didnt flood him messages. It had a long time interval. But he wasnt replying so I tried to drop a call on his phone. As soon as he noticed it he replied to me with "Stop spamming me and give me a break" and he stopped talking to me since then until now.

I greeted him on the 25th of December but I got no reply. But I would check his steam profile and fb and see him online and playing games and I also assume playing Runescape whenever hes not on steam as well. But doesnt talk to me. I assumed he really wanted space because I upset him for spamming. But his gaming is getting uncontrollable now. He wakes up 1 or 2 in the afternoon, goes online immediately and starts playing until 8-9 am the next day. Then sleeps for about 8-10 hours and does the cycle again. I've been taking notes of his online activities and thats what I've noticed. 

He would rather play with his games all day than be bothered with me. All he does is play. 

P.S I once told him he's gotten addicted to his gaming and he got ****ed at me saying he's not an addict. 

(I'm sorry for this post to be very long)

Gaming addiction ended in 2009. But moderately plays anyway for fun.

Polga
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Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
This sounds like a purely

This sounds like a purely online relationship? I will make the assumption that it is

The dynamincs of those relationships are different to when people are living in the real world together as there is a lot of fantasy and not much reality.

In this situation there is not much you can do. I think all you can do is express your concerns for his future, direct him to this site or another one, tell him you are there if he needs support  and then just find a real, new relationship that will be good and healthy for you.

You cannot change him and you are only wasting your time and emotion trying. You are more likely to get his attention by backing off completely.

Sorry if it's not what you want to hear. Look after yourself.

 

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