This is my story

3 posts / 0 new
Last post
Marrienne
Offline
Last seen: 3 years 9 months ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 02/05/2016 - 3:38pm
This is my story

Hello. My name is Marrienne and I am married to an online gaming addict.
It is actually funny because we met in this game and fell in love, we have three beautiful children, one together,two from a previous marriage. He is a great dad to all three and a great guy except he mostly spends his time on his game, while I work, cook clean take care of the kids and all those little nuisances that make up life. At the moment and for the past decade he has been unemployed.

Don't get me wrong. I game too for a couple hrs here or there and I enjoy it. Lately I have been feeling so lonely. I see now that I am enabling him. He wakes up late in day after gaming all night and if I had a tail I would wag it.
His coffee is waiting for him I bring his meals to the computer etc. You all know the drill.
There used to be some balance where he would do just enough to stay out of trouble but lately we are in deep financial trouble to the point I can't keep the kids fed clothed and warm.. so I took extra work on Saturdays which means he has all 3 kids for about 7 hrs and he has been nothing but a pain about it.

I come home to death stares and sullen looks and of course need to take over. No time to eat even... kids need me.

The voice he used to use when talking to me he now uses over Teamspeak to the guild. He usually snaps at me. He used to always say I love you before hanging up the phone, now nothing.

I am posting only his flaws here I know and at first read he does sound like a dick. He loves us deeply and I know it... I can see it when he talks to the kids or he was won a roll and then he is all sweet to me... I just hatr that I busting my butt all day and I am not the one causing such happy feelings in him.

I talked to him and told him I know he won't change I know it is not my fault I don't want a divorce or anything but at the same time I am done enabling him. He can game his life away if that makes him happy but I won't help anymore.

I decided to make some changes. He got up and hugged me and held me a long time. I cried because, heck IT HURTS... but told him I am actually ok. This is who he is and it's ok. He doesn't have to change but I cannot live like that nor do I want our kids to have this as a role model.

I feel like I lost the love of my life. I miss him so much but gradually he changed and got more and more into his game and got further and further away from me...
I desperately want him back!!!!
But I know I am not the one to make him... only he can come back to me in his own volition.

It just hurts so much!!! I feel like my heart is being ripped out!!!
So... just wanted to connect with others who will understand.

Thanks for your time!! Any personal story or advice is welcome!!

Polga
Polga's picture
Offline
Last seen: 2 days 55 min ago
AdministratorOLG-Anon memberOLGA member
Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome Marrienne

Welcome Marrienne

Hugs. I feel so bad that you have such a lot to cope with. I'm glad you are here and you are not alone.

My advice would be to go though the site and look at the other spouse stories and see if you can find information to help and encourage you

If you haven't seen this post; start here

Time you no longer spend looking after your husband while he games, should go on you and your family. Start to really look after you.

Think about what options you have to make changes for the better for you.

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

iOlga
Offline
Last seen: 3 years 6 months ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 01/22/2015 - 7:58am
feeling the same

Hi Marienne,

I relate to your post the only difference though is that my husband supports us financially
(works from home). I raise our 4 little children. The baby has been sick practicaly all the 
time for 6 months (with astma) so I'm exhausted in the morning I need a few extra sleep hours
therefore he is 'watching' the kids. His idea of watching the kids is to sit in his office playing
while kids are watching themselves. The oldest (8 y old) takes care of the others - 6y, 3y old
 (makes them eat breakfast) and of the baby (gives him toys or entertains him if he cryes, 
because hubby all he does is to put the baby in the play pen and tell the others to take care of him).
I don't like this at all and it makes me angry, not exactly my idea of watching the kids.
But I really don't have the choice for now, I am too tired in the morning and need to catch up
with my sleep. I feel stuck and frustrated though.
I realise I am trying to display a 'kind and compassionate wife image' although I have stopped
serving him at the computer or caring if he doesn't show up for meals, but I have not stopped hoping this will
change one day and I have not stopped having resentments over his behaviour.
If by any chance he comes into the living room and I am not looking at him or talking to him,
I can say he doesn't like it. He wants me to be there with a happy smile on my face waiting
for him to show and displaying that perfect wife appearance, and include him into whatever we are
doing or talk to him right away. He says if I don't do it, he feels rejected and it makes him want to play
more. I'm not really sure about it, I suspect this is an excuse (blaming me for his behaviour).
I don't think I can do any more than I am already doing for him, for the house, for the children.
I have reached my limit. 
I'm not sure I can go back to working because I will still have the kids to take care of when I
return from work, so this will give me some extra things to do without taking from the things 
I already do. I know how he takes care of the children and I don't trust him.
This is painfull to say I don't trust him to ensure properly his responsabilities as a father.
If I've come to say this, I've come far.
And I can't do it for him. 
I realise that I have to let him be the father he wants to be and not be concerned with it. I have to trust my HP
that things are going as well as they need to, and that I don't need to interfere. But it's tough.
I have to work on myself.

I'm so gratefull for this forum,

Thank you for reading me,

iOlga

Log in or register to post comments