New here - reaching out

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nicole_marie
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New here - reaching out

I did not think I would be here again. Instead of dating someone who was addicted to drugs and alcohol (my ex), I am now with a man who is in denial about his excessive gaming habits and thinks I am trying to control him, take him away from what he loves to do, change him and blowing things out of proportion (just to name a few things that he has said). I feel alone in this situation. I see how his family operates and it's very similar to his pattern of behavior. I'm in an interesting situation because I moved in with him and his parents to save money and become more financially secure. I did not know what I was signing up for six months ago. Fast forward six months and I have six months left until I reach my financial goals and have an apartment picked out. I am not sure if him moving with me is the best choice or if I should just go the next step alone. I go through periods of time where I want to make it work and I try to ignore his problem and focus on his good traits. He says things in the relationship would be just fine, if only I wouldn't complain. I know this is bs, but it's hard to here and feel alone in the first place. It is now close to NYE and we are giving each other the silent treatment because I yelled at him last night. He said he would not stay up late again and he did. He doesn't come to bed with me and we've discussed this. He's not keeping his end of the bargain here and I'm the bad guy because I bring it up. If only I just didn't complain. Please note, I am just saying what he is saying, I know this is all bs. He's in complete denial and how dare I feel any other way. Ugh. It is very exhausting, let me tell you.

Polga
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Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome !

Welcome !

You are not alone in your experience and feelings. It sounds like his family reinforce that kind of behaviour as normal.

In the circumstances the healthy option for both of you is for you to move on your own.

Follow the link for spouses/so's in my signature for some info about how to deal with addiction.

There is no such thing as a healthy 'romantic' relationship with an addict. What is best for his recovery conflicts with maintaining romantic relations, because what you have to do will not make him happy in the short term. Only when we enable the addict do they reward that kind of behaviour with 'love' and appreciation.

Enabling stops them feeling consequences; they need to feel consequences to want to recover.

You have to be really commited to want to go through this very long process of "detaching with love " with no guarantees that he will ever get better.

Find CODA meetings to train yourself to have healthy relationships.

 

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

Porfeas
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Joined: 01/03/2018 - 6:09am
Hi I'm on the same boat here

Hi I'm on the same boat here with my so being addicted to games. That aside, sometimes it is hard to fall asleep with a computer light on. He won't go to bed late because he's not tired and the light is keeping him ip. I'm a freelance software developer and I had the same problem where I worked til 4-5 am on the computer and it wasn't until I installed this program called f.lux to adjust the blue/red light balance after sundown that I was able to restore my sleeping schedule so maybe check it out? See if you can just get him to try it and hopefully he won't be able to be up much longer 1-2am

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