New member need advice

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Last seen: 3 years 9 months ago
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Joined: 02/06/2016 - 2:59pm
New member need advice

I guess I'll just start at the beginning!

i met my boyfriend when he was stationed in my home town in Washington state almost 3 years ago. We fell in love very quickly, he's a sweet, funny, and hard working person and for as long as I've known him I have been set on marrying him and making him the father of my children. Over time i have learned more and more about his gaming past. He was born and raised in Nevada and many of his friends there were bad influences and they didn't stay in his life very long. He doesn't talk to any of them now. His best friends he met through Xbox live when he was in middle school and to this day they talk on a daily basis. I'm so grateful that his gaming introduced him to such strong and supportive friendships! I love that he has these guys in his life. Anyways, the first 2 years of our relationship I lived with my mom and he lived on a boat with the coast guard, deploying for 3 months at a time about twice a year. When he wasn't deployed, he usually stayed with my mom and I and we cherished every moment together. He'd talk about gaming here and there and that he missed the late nights playing, but made it clear he'd rather spend his time in the real world. The only time he'd play was when I was at work. Well a few months ago he got orders to restation across the country to Virginia, and I made the huge decision to move with him. I gave up absolutely everything to be with him, but I couldn't be happier to finally start a life with him. From the day we moved in to our new place, he has spent at least 4 hours a day on his xbox. The first 2 weeks I had a real problem with this as none of our stuff had been delivered by the moving company yet and literally all we had was our phones and his xbox which we brought with us on the cross country drive. I needed his time and support so I wouldn't die of boredom (we were stuck inside because of the weather too) but now that he had his own place, he felt he had every right to do nothing but play and got extremely angry when I tried to demand his attention. Once our stuff showed up, I gave him some slack. He seemed soooo happy when he played. He laughed harder on there than I had ever heard him laugh. Honestly, it was really cute! I'd let him play as much as he wanted while I unpacked and organized our new lives. This went on for about a week and then it was time for him to go back to work. Now I get up at 6am every morning with him, make him breakfast and pack his lunch while he gets ready, drive him to work, clean house and run errands while he works (my job hasn't started yet) pick him up, and bring him home to a lovely home cooked meal every evening. For being 21 and living on my own for the first time, I'd say I've got this housewife thing down! I'm literally taking care of everything for him besides finances. After dinner, he agrees to spend 2-3 hours with me before he hops on his xbox and sends me to another room, be he spends that time we should be spending together texting his xbox friends about the fun-filled evening they have ahead of them. Now I am probably the farthest thing from a push over, so keep in mind I voice my opinion and make it clear when the things he does bother me. 

We have discussed my feeling about his gaming and lack of appreciation/attention for me but he denies everything and turns me into the bad guy. "You don't understand, I need it to relieve stress" etc etc etc. I get that. I grew up with a gaming brother. He would play for days without rest, but when it it got in the way of his relationships he knew when to stop. So far my boyfriends work life hasn't been effected by his gaming, but who knows what will happen. This has only been going on for a month now. A week ago he played from 8pm until 4am and I made it clear that that bothered me. Last night wen he got on his xbox he promised that he wouldn't play that late because today we were supposed to go out and do something fun together. To make sure I was well rested, I took some NyQuil around 9 and knocked out, excited about the day ahead of us. I woke up around 5am to hear him still playing in the other room. I texted him telling him to get off and that I was very upset with him but he ignored it. About half an hour later he came to bed and knocked out until noon. When he finally woke up I ignored him and made myself some lunch while he got himself some cereal. We sat on opposite ends of the couch eating and watching TV for about an hour. Finally, I said "so you have nothing to say?" To which he responded "I didn't do anything wrong!" So of course we began arguing and eventually I said "you know what, f*ck you." To which he responded "I don't want you here anymore. You need to move out." I reminded him that we had made a deal that if our relationship didn't work out he was responsible for paying my way back home to Washigton, and he said "yeah that's fine." and turned his attention to his phone. I don't know what to do now.

Polga's picture
Last seen: 2 days 13 hours ago
AdministratorOLG-Anon memberOLGA member
Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome Amanda

Welcome Amanda

My intutition is that if you leave, he will continue to suit his gaming needs. There is a small chance that he might miss you and want to try again.

And if you stay he will continue to suit his gaming needs

If you don't want to be in that relationship where his gaming is going to be excessive and bothersome to you , then you should leave before you are too hung up on this guy, while you can still have a good life somewhere new.


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