This is my first day on the site and first post so please bear with me. Sigh...my wife has been addicted to online games since August of last year. She has always enjoyed free and small few games on her iPad, and while I noticed her usage going up then, it was nothing of a concern. Until I saw the first months iTunes bill...almost $3,000. I was floored, and unsure of how to even approach it...I honestly thought we may have been victims of fraud. Until she admitted to buying quite a bit. After talking it through, she said she would not spend like that again. Then, the next months iTunes bill revealed $2,000 more in that month. Again, I was floored. At confrontation she was apologetic, but not willing to let go. From then until years end she spent less, but still far out of our means with another $1,500 for October - November. I had to exhaust savings, bonus money, Christmas money, and ultimately take out high interest loans in order to give my 3 kids a Christmas they deserved. After all, they didn’t ask for this.
About my wife...she has anxiety and depression. Is medicated, and sees a therapist once a week. None of this has helped. And my wife actually states that her therapists wonders why I get mad or upset at certain things (More to come on that). Hence, I’ve determined that she is either not telling her therapist everything, or her therapist is the worst therapist in the world.
Now, onto the family issues. My children are young...7, 5, and 3. Since August of last year they continue to have a great life, do things with their friends, go places that are fun, and lead a happy and healthy life...at least when I am around. You see, my wife goes no where with us...festivals, parties, bounce houses, etc. She stays at home and plays her game. My wife does not care for them...she is a stay at home mom, yet my daily routine is to get up, get the kids up, get the kids to school, got to work, come home for lunch, make them their lunch, go back to work, pick the kids up from school, get them to extra curriculars, come home, make dinner, do homework with them, give them baths, get them ready for bed, read them a bedtime story and then I have to work from home in order to stay caught up with my work...usually until 2-3am. I am running most days on anywhere from 2-4 hours of sleep.
While the kids are home with my wife she does nothing with them. I come home and there’s is food all over the house from the kids getting into it as they please, toys everywhere, messes galore, cabinets and drawers all open and combed through by the kids. I thankfully have my mother in law at times to come over and check on them.
My wife’s gaming per day is anywhere from 10-15 hours. She has accounts on every kids device, her own iPad and her phone. She is constantly on them. And uses each account for some purpose. She also has been chatting with 2-3 different people, although 1 in particular through both the game and text and phone calls. This guy lives in California. Back in October, she told me there was a game convention for her game she plays on California in the new year, and she wanted to go to it. Fast forward to today and there are multiple developments: first, she texts back and forth approximately 1,000 - 2,000 text per month with this guy. Second, she talks on the phone with him approximately 6-8 hours per month. The phone calls are all done when she either leaves the house for something, or in the middle of the night when I am sleeping. Lastly, there is no game convention in California. When I confronted her about everything, she admitted she was just going to see him...as a “friend”.
She has gone through spurts where she will admit the problem and do better for a week at a time at most. But ultimately always go back. She is ramping up again, and get very angry with me for confronting her about her spending, lack of being a partner in our home, and her behaviors with this guy in California (who by the way is 16 years younger than her). I am terrified because I have my tax money and the largest bonus of my career coming in the next 60 days. I am terrified because I don’t see her changing. I am terrified of the example she is setting fornmy kids who now want to play on their games constantly. I am terrified of starting over...we have been together since I was 19, married for 10 years. But she refuses to see a marriage counselor. Refuses to see an addiction counselor. And refuses to have a joint session with her regular counselor.
As my my name says, I feel as though I am out of options...any advice, experience, or words of wisdom would help greatly. Again, sorry for the long post... Thanks