Newbie Here - Jumping from Game to Game..

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Chubby
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Joined: 04/05/2016 - 5:05pm
Newbie Here - Jumping from Game to Game..

Hello

Sorry if I'm posting this in the wrong place, but I'm so happy that there is a place like this where I can just vent a little bit. I hope you don't mind.

So I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost two years now. We're quite youngish, myself being 19 - living in shared house with three other people and we're both studying at University..well at least I thought we both were. Here's my problem: he's putting LoL before anything else. I mean anything. He hasn't gone to Uni for at least 6 months, he hasn't made any attempts to go out and socialise with anyone except for my housemate (who also plays LoL) and it's been like a very slow realisation about how out of hand I feel like things are getting. He sits at his computer all day, in the same potition and doesn't move unless he absolutely needs to, like when he needs food or something, I'll just see him through the crack of his door sitting there playing LoL with my housemate.

My housemate has played LoL longer than my boyfriend, and he kind of introduced him to it. But before that, my boyfriend used to play WOW, or DOTA. He also plays Warhammer as a hobby, which my housemate has gotten into thanks to my boyfriend. They'll be talking to eachother on headsets even though they're under the same roof. Sometimes I feel like he talks to my housemate more than he talks to me. The two of them do nothing but play LoL, and when they're not doing that - they'll be talking about LoL or Warhammer. I am not interested in either, simply because I don't have the time or money to get invested..and neither does he, but he's made it so LoL or any other game he plays, takes 100% priortity over everything else.

It wasn't until I started reading some posts here that I began to notice the patterns. If I want to talk to him, I have to go downstairs and stand there to talk. Sometimes he wont even look at me.  I find myself cooking meals for the two of us, only for him to eat it whilst sitting at his computer. Most of the time he isn't even present when I'm cooking in the kitchen. I could be doing anything - washing the dishes, putting clothes away, going out shopping and every time I go to say something to him - he'll be pre-occupied. I also hate when I ask him something and I get "sorry you we're distracting me" or "i was just about to get a kill" as if the game is taking prioraty over me. I'll ask him if he wants to go out to do something, and he'll say he's too tired or too busy..yet as soon as he's free he's on LoL. Sometimes we'll make plans, and he cancels them and goes to play LoL. Then he gets annoyed at me if I ask him to stop playing, or he'll be confused if I'm mad at him for not seeing him all day. I just don't understand it.

I just feel like I am like some kind of maid or person he keeps around for when he feels like being affectionate. He keeps telling me he's going to change, and that he's going to do something about Uni. He has done this so many times with different games. When he quit DOTA, he moved onto WOW. When he finished WOW, he moved to LoL. He tells me he loves me yet he doesn't seem to make any efforts to show it. Any money he gets goes on Warhammer, I can't even remember the last time I didn't pay for us to go out somewhere. It's just an endless cycle and I feel like I'm just stuck here in love with someone who wouldn't even noticed I had packed my bags and left, until his game had ended.

I'm reaching out for any thoughts, advice and questions. 

Thank you - Chub

Polga
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Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Hi Chub

Hi Chub

Welcome

It sounds like your bf is stuggling with addiction. An addict cannot cope with a relationship; the gaming has got a grip of his brain and he is just complelled to play. He may be living in a nightmare world because he knows he is probably behaving like a moron, but the shame drives him deeper.

I think you need to get his attention and say that you are really concerned for him because you think he is developing a problem regarding the excessive gaming ( if you say he is "addicted" that can make them defensive so try not to) and you can seen that his real life is affected.  He may chose to ignore you but maybe you will set a seed. Tell him about this site or other resources such as the reddit stop gaming group, and then you will have to leave it to him. Nagging drives them deeper.

I would suggest you read the sticky posts in the spouses forum to understand a bit more about gaming addiction so that you can know how to support yourself and the gamer. Learn about what enabling is...and don't do it!

Your relationship soulds like it isn't really working. But if you care for him, you may be able to help him realise his problem, it's worth a try. If he is not receptive, then you must detach from it. It's his problem to sort out. Very sad I know.

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

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OutOfAzeroth
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Last seen: 1 year 4 months ago
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Joined: 08/11/2010 - 11:29am
Hi Chub and welcome to

Hi Chub and welcome to Olganon,

First thing I would like to point out is that gaming addiction is real. It is not an analogy, or a "kind of" addiction. It is a real one. I know this from a very reliable source : myself.

Second thing is that this addiction may be overcome and the addict can return to normal life (same reliable source : myself) but it is a long process to decide to stop, and an even longer process to actually heal. The scenario where your boyfriend continues this behavior until he is 25, or even in his 30's, is not something unimaginable.

Thirdly, and please do not take this as disrespectful, I would strongly advise you to make absolutely sure that you do not get married, or pregnant, or otherwise tied by any legal link with him, until you have sorted out the situation. Above all, do not fall for the idea that getting married or having a baby will somehow "jump-start" him to become a responsible adult. With addiction (whether alcohol, heroin or gaming) it generally goes in the opposite direction.

Lastly, you might want to check out what "enabling" is, since it seems very likely to me that you are currently enabling him with his destructive behavior.

I wish the best for you, whatever the outcome is.

 

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