No sleep

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lexi040299
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Joined: 03/01/2019 - 6:33am
No sleep

My boyfriend has stayed up all night for three nights in a row. He'll come home from a 12+ hour shift in a physically demanding factory job and then spend every second from the time he comes home to the time he goes back to work playing online video games. He makes really good money and says that because of this, he should be able to do what he wants. He'll go all week without sleep and crash on weekends, spending the ENTIRE weekend sleeping. I grew up with a lot of siblings and it's hard for me to sleep alone. He's known that since before we got together. I've been taking sleeping pills just to get a few hours of sleep but I'm still tired all the time. I feel lonely and disappointed that he would put a game before his own health. I'm also a little jealous that he speaks to his online friends more than he's spoken to me through our entire relationship. I've tried reasoning with him, begging, and yelling. He doesn't care because he's still able to function and he's still paying all the bills. I'm just getting sick of being alone every night. We've been together for 2 and a half years and living together for a few months. We were only just able to get internet where we live this month and it's been a problem ever since. Do I have a right to be upset if he's still working and bringing home the majority of our income?

AliciaM
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Joined: 01/05/2013 - 7:46pm
You always have a right to your feelings, but...

I'm a gaming addict also, and I have 2 months without games right now.
However I'm answering your question from the skills that I learned from 100's of in-person alanon meetings (and other life lessons).
You always have a right to your feelings, but the trick is to accept your feelings non-judgmentally and do those things that you think will be best for you both.
People can give you suggestions from what has worked for them, but in the end you have the most understanding of what is best for your situation.
When I was married, my husband liked to stay up late, but I needed sleep. I asked him if he would lie down for a while as I fell asleep. That worked for us for a while. He could get up and do whatever he wanted, and my feelings were cared for also.
Al-anon teaches us to put the focus on things that we do have control over. We cannot control addictions or other people. Learning meditation is giving me a much better sense of what I do have control over. Slowly building up my mental awareness is bringing more peace into my life.
I hope you find some answers and peace for the two of you.

♥Alicia♥ 
October 15, 2019

Polga
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Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome lexi

Welcome lexi

If you value your relationship and quality time, then it makes sense that you are upset. He is putting money and his choice over your relational needs. Lack of empathy is a big part of addiction. I am sorry for your situation.

Not sleeeping for days is a proven massive health risk. but he may not care about that. I hope you can find support for you

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