Online affair

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Gretel
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Last seen: 3 years 9 months ago
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Joined: 01/21/2016 - 6:40pm
Online affair

Hi,

My boyfriend of ten years, yes ten, recently revealed that he had an online relationship with a married woman. What first started out as a teacher/student sort of relationship, (he was teaching online web development lessons) somehow became a relationship where they chatted constantly and he even physically met her once in person before 'it got weird'. She never had any interest in a romantic relationship with him and he claims they tried to keep it business related. But in the end after he lost his job, they were spending all day online together watching tv shows and talking.

He has always had these cycles of depression and sinking into online games. This was different though, he didn't go into an online game -he created a community online that revolved mostly around chat rooms and even went as far as to create a website for this community to belong to. This is how he came across this girl , and formed a friendship with her. She became his pupil and protige basically, and they spent a lot of time together, but he claims it never got romantic in any way.

It was only once he realized he was 'getting clingy' with her that he decided to end their friendship. And it was only when he started acting extremtly depressed and anxious that I figured out what was wrong, and he admitted to having developed feelings for another woman. I had no idea at all any of this was happening. In fact, when he met her the one time in person he had lied to me and told me he was meeting a guy friend he met online. And I believed him and let him go to this meeting, unaware that is was a woman. apparently she received permission from her husband to meet him...strange to me but anyway.

We have had a long and difficult relationship, one marred by death, illness, unemployment issues and now this. He is now telling me he is confused and doesn't know what he wants anymore. He has asked me to give him three months to get his act together, and if by then he still doesn't know what he wants he says I should move on.

I had always thought we would be together, we would get married , and I still see a future with him. We've been through so much together, it's hard for me to even begin to consider living without him by my side. Needless to say, this is not you average story. We have been together through thick and thin, and I believe the stress of his last job created this situation where he connected with someone online.

I guess I'm posting here more for venting, I know there is no advice in a situation like this. I am waiting it out, being there for him, and taking care of myself. I am a strong person, and I will survive no matter what. But I love him and only have eyes for him.

 

Polga
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Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome Gretel and thank you

Welcome Gretel and thank you for sharing your experience.

We see that many people use gaming and internet as an escape. Depression is often part of the mix. I hope you find the website helpful for you. I am glad you are taking care of yourself.

This is the general advice we give to significant others.

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

Gretel
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Last seen: 3 years 9 months ago
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Joined: 01/21/2016 - 6:40pm
Thank you and I love your

Thank you and I love your signature quote btw. I grew up in an AA household - my father was in AA and know that serenity prayer well.

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