Pregnant and feeling very alone and neglected

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AussieLass76
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Pregnant and feeling very alone and neglected

Hi everyone, a little background first. I met my partner just over 3 years ago and at first things were great. Fast forward to now and we are engaged )very recently, only happened in December) and we have lived together for 2 years out of our 3 years together and I am 25 weeks pregnant with a baby boy. In the past he has had alcohol issues, a recovering alcoholic, whose addiction got so bad, his work nearly sacked him at least 4 times. The last time he was diagnosed with depression and had counselling. Now, it seems that the addiction is minecraft. I get people need to relax, but he basically just works and plays minecraft. He gets home from work, naps for a few hours, then gets up and plays minecraft for at least 4 hrs, weekends its 16 to 20 hrs a day. I am 25 weeks pregnant with our baby boy and went through a period of depression and anxiety, basically I felt unsupported and lonely and still do. I tried to talk to him, explained I wasn't coping and that i needed his support. These nights, he would sit with me for an hr, then flit over to his game and then eventually come back, I asked for help with cleaning the oven trays as I just dont appear to be physically strong enough to properly scrub them anymore and he still hasn't cleaned them, and its been 6 weeks. I have tried to talk to him about his addiction with minecraft and he just tells me that its not as bad as drinking, and that maybe he should start hanging around bars and what else is there to do, sit there with me? Youch! So now I have a fear of trying to talk to him as I get such a negative and aggressive reaction.

I am the one who suggests going out and its only once a month that I feel brave enough to do it, and we will, but he will hop straight onto the game when we get home and play long into the night. If we do got out, he gets quite aggitated when he drives and if he's not playing minecraft he's outside smoking endless cigarettes looking up cheats and special items for minecraft. I also work, study and tend to do everything around the house, I have asked for help, but have beeen told "I don't do xhores during the week", even after I have basically broekn down in tears out of frustration and exhaustation. he has been home with the 'flu; for the past few days, taking time of work, where he won't rest/sleep, saying that he can't, but he plays minecraft now akk day. I get that he might be sick, but if he's well enough to play minecraft, I figure he's well enough for work.It seems now to be a special occaison for him to sit with me for longer than it takes him to eat dinner or to do anything together. Alst week, he did sit with me for 2 nights and cooked dinner and I thought we were making progress and I was so grateful and I told him how much it meant to me, leaving the videogame aspect out of it. But, now its back to minecraft..

I have started seeing a counsellor as I thought I had perintal depression, but the scoring system they use says I am not depressed, I am stressed! So, I am pregnant, new to a state where I basically know no one, I can't afford to move out on my own (rather sad at my age I know) and feel unsupported, unloved, unvalued and fed up. I am concerned that once our muchly anticipated miracle boy is here, i will basically be a single mum with a dad who just plays video games. He seems to be looking forward to it, but I feel really isolated. I am in tears alot of the time just because I feelignored, I don't think it should be this way! I am reaching out as I have no idea how to deal with this, and I need support from people who are in the same boat. Any advice and comfort would be greatly apprecaited and hugs to all, this is a very lonely space to be in..

Addiction regardless of what it is hurts family and loved ones. Through support and strength, we shall grow and survive.

Polga
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Welcome AusieLass

Welcome AusieLass

You are not alone. Many people share your experience. It sucks ! Keep coming back to the forums to read other spouses stories. You may find it starts to make more sense and you will realise what you need to do in your situation.

To be honest I don't think any guy would relish cleaning an oven so 90% of the male population would likely act the same way, but the hours you talk about show his life is seriously unbalanced and you are right to feel neglected.

When we realise someone is addicted,  any normal expectations go out the window.

Keep up the therapy. Best if you can see a counsellor who knows about addiciton. Get them to help you diecide your way forward through this.

Think now what you want for your child's future. Think what you would do if you knew that he wasn't going to change this behaviour ever. He is an addict and we cannot control their addiction.  You can control your life.

Multiple addictions are a recurring theme with some of our members. Unless he accepts this and wants to recover it will be a thorn in your side to deal with through the life time of your relationship

Get support for yourself. Find what alanon, naranon, CODA or other anon meetings are in your area. They will be a great support for you.

You can stop the part you play in his addiction by stopping enabling him and practising "Detaching with love", learning about boundaries which I have linked to in this post http://www.olganon.org/comment/266959#comment-266959

Keep coming back !

INFO

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Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

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new_anon17
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You poor thing!! Tears were

You poor thing!! Tears were streaming when I read this. I cannot even imagine what you're going through, pregnant and feeling so alone. It is one of my fears, I want to start a family but I don't want to be a single mum. It sounds as if he might be willing to work on things. I have decided today that I will approach my husband about therapy, his gaming is nowhere near your husband's and it makes me crazy!! 

I hope you two can sort things out for your little son!! I just found this forum and it's wonderful to know that I am not alone, you are not alone. Gaming is not normal, it isn't a hobby, it isn't something that healthy people enjoy doing. It is an escape, don't let anyone tell you that it's a hobby or a way to interact with friends. It's a mind numbing, caustic and toxic substance that ruins lives.

Good luck to you!!!

hopetofly
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pregnant and alone

The last  post is so true, that gaming is not a hobby or a way to hang out with friends. It is toxic, as the the last post said,  It takes control of us and changes the people we love.  We tell ourselves "at least he/she is not on drugs and at home."  We try harder to make the relationship work and when it doesnt improve we wonder what we are doing wrong?  You are carrying a new life and carrying this relationship.  You have so many strengths!  You seem amazingly resiliant.  You can have a better life because you realize that the way things are now are not healthy.  It sounds like you are working so hard to take care of yourself and your baby.  Don't give up, keep asking for help from others who understand your situation, like OLGANON.  

AussieLass76
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Joined: 05/24/2017 - 4:30pm
Thankyou

Thankyou so much for your kind words and support. He is tryimg a bit harder and is helping more around the house. I was recently quite ill with a cold and basically was unable to do much, so he did help (but still played minecraft every day). I hope you and your hubbys chat goes well. I hope with time my hubby and I will get there, he seems to be making more of an effort, although it comes and goes and not a day goes past where he isn't playing that **** game, lol..

Addiction regardless of what it is hurts family and loved ones. Through support and strength, we shall grow and survive.

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