Slowly losing S/O to gaming as we get closer.

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Slowly losing S/O to gaming as we get closer.

It's been 6 weeks into college that me and my boyfriend have moved in together. So far we have been together for well over a year and have known each other for almost 5 years now. Bf/n started gaming after dropping out of high school because of bullying and he claims it has helped him cope with the incessant fear of people, and the outside world. The first year with him was like experiencing excerpts from romantic films, especially considering I had a crush on him for 4 years before we started dating. The best way to describe him would be loving, caring, understanding, mature and gentle. However coming into this relationship, the latter of what I just described contradicts what I have been subjected to witness; him physically punching himself when angered as a result of me. Since moving in, and a year more comfortable with each other than before, it has been every day in which we get back to our apartment that he jumps onto his PC, coming back to see me now and again if I need something, but ultimately spending the majority of his time at his screen until we get into bed together, which at this point he falls asleep. Now I am but against gaming, and I understand how fun it can be joining I with him sometimes (gaming is also a platform for him to 'socialise' with his friends in real life) which I understand because I am too, an introvert. I try to explain to him that all I want is to be able to spend undivided tune with each other, to just lay down and talk, laugh and discuss topics. To hug. He instantly lashes back with "I do"referring to the times in which he comes to check on me (at my request). Only a few seconds ago I present to him, "aside from schooling hours in which we are busy focusing on work, which is it that you spend more time with, me or gaming?" my response from him is hoarse, entailing accusations that I can only see in black and white, that I don't understand why he enjoys it so much and how it's wrong of me to think of it in a way that he is choosing it over me as he believes he's not. Then ensues the hitting, with which I struggle to try to prevent him from hurting himself. In the process he unintentionally injures me too. (We both acknowledge that this is very clearly an anger management issue.) What aggravates me the most is when he starts to put himself down whenever I bring this topic up, saying things such as "I can never please anybody" to "why am I even here, all I do is make people upset." I hearing this, it not only hurts me but it pulls me away from being able to discuss simply wanting to be together. I feel as if what we had last year, can never be attained again, that I am I the wrong and that I am taking away his hobby. (Which is not what I want because he clearly enjoys it). It is whenever I ask for some time with him that he acts distant, choosing to watch gaming videos beside me until I sigh and tell him to go. This is a negative cycle and I am lost. Any insight or feedback on what I am experiencing and what I could do would be greatly appreciated, if not comforting that there is someone out there who can help. Thank you in advance

Sincerely, ybel.

Polga's picture
Last seen: 1 day 17 hours ago
AdministratorOLG-Anon memberOLGA member
Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome Ybel

Welcome Ybel

It sounds like he is having problems and difficulty coping with life; his excuses and rationalisations are a result of wanting to protect himself from reality and manipulate you so that the situation does not have to change. He is lost and at sea.

To understand this addiction keep coming back. check out the link below for SO's of gaming addicts and read all the threads to get inspiration about what you can do in your situation.


Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

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