Hi friends! I am already grateful for this forum and the information I have found here.
A little about me, I am 44, have been with my husband for 11 years and married for over 3. This pandemic year has opened my eyes to my own trauma and sent me on a healing journey, which has been really powerful and transformative. I am currently in a 12 week Codepency Recovery Workshop (with Lisa Romano, it's excellent and I highly reccomend it.) This healing process shattered my denial about my childhood - AND my marriage! Wow!
In December I told my hubs this marriage wasn't working for me, we had a week "apart" in the same house, and then he finally had a "come to Jesus" moment and promised to be a better, more attentive, communicative & connected husband. He put in a pretty good effort for a couple weeks and slid back into his old patterns, putting gaming first, having little to no initiative in household matters, and gaming/being on his computer (in his own office) as default, and barely responding to my "bids for attention." Our interactions are VERY mother/child, with me asking him a hundred questions to make conversation and know how he's doing, and him giving bare minimum answers that don't lead to conversation or connection.
I am realizing I need to detach and am planning on spending a month apart to focus on my own healing and not get so worked up and upset about what he is doing and how he is behaving.
Do I tell him he has gaming addiction? Do I tell him I'm detaching? Do I try to negotiate "terms" with gaming before detaching?
Any advice is helpful! Also this is my first time on any kind of forum, if there are any kind of ground rules I should know about, can you kindly point me in that direction?
Thanks so much! <3