like many, i came here for advice, because i am at loss about what to do...
I met my todays boyfriend online about 4 years ago. While.. well, playing a multiplayer videogame.. I was going through a tough depressive time back then and games always helped me unwind. We played together a lot and became friends online and he was always there for me all the way through the tough time.. we ended up developing feelings for one another.. about two years ago, he worked and gathered up money to move to my country to be with me.
He was going to learn the language and find a job and i was positive about our future together..
It was going alright at first. At start i was just enjoying the time with him and didnt push him into a job search or language. Tho i was encouraging him to start, got him books, etc. He wasnt very enthusiastic about it. Went to some course too, but never did any homehork because he prefers to soend the freetime gaming.
It was okay for me at first, we were playing together still and i did not feel neglected. Tho overtime as i felt better, my urge to distraction through games faded and i started engaging into other activities. His favourite activity however always remained gaming.
Ideally he wanted to not work but become an online stock trader. So with his budget, he began trading penny stocks, after watching some successful coaches do it. He didnt invest much time into learning it, but managed to make a bit of money, which he later all lost on some unlucky stock.
About half a year after moving he found a job. Things got better, even though he clearly did not feel like actually learning the language and despite visiting a class never did any homework or learned anythig on his own. His entire freetime after work was dedicated to gaming and as i stopped playing with him he found new online buddies.
I tried to organize other activities for us, like going out for food, movies or concerts, or doing a course for something together. He was never excited when i told him i got us tickets for this or that, but he came of course. I expressed the wish that id like him also to sometimes organise something for us other than gaming, and best he managed was get cinema tickets, but i guess its better than nothing. He was excited to go on vacations though, and we went to spain in summer, which was nice.
He got fired from his job in september last year because some coworkers got annoyed of him not speaking german. After getting fired he decided to try stocks again. I was ****ed. but i decided to just not say anything and let him do what he wants. He did. The situation repeated where he eventually ended up loosing all his money.
Before loosing all his remaining money though, he spent 1,5 k savings on a new gaming computer. He justified the purchase saying that "he didnt buy anything for himself the whole year otherwise", which is kind of true.
So now since december last year, entirely moneyless, he began looking for jobs again, while i was paying the bills and food. He claimed he was also looking for random delivery and cleaning jobs, yet months passed and up untill april he didnt have a single reply. He decided to make effort learning some language this time around though, with a programm. so his day looked as followes: he got up at about 2-3pm, he scrolled through some job listings and sent a couple, after which he did language for perhaps an hour or two. after which he played videogames from about 6-7pm till about 4-5 am. rinse and repeat.
To save my nerves i remained quiet through most of it. He was doing something, at least, i told myself.
Lately i put my nerves together to talk to him and told him that if he cant get his financial situation in order then hell have to go back to his parents. It would be easier for me to cope and support him if i would see him trying or learning, but all i see is videogames for 15 hours a day. After these talks he was devastated, stoped learning whatsoever and got all defensive how i am not supportive enough and how i dont play games with him anymore and how he doesnt want drama and how language will "come over time" and how im exagerating..
Sorry for this long long text, i dont know what to do.. I still care about him but i cant see any future like this.. Is it right to kick him out? Or am i exagerating....