Trying to understand...

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PsychHead
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Trying to understand...

Hello,

    I feel rather odd posting on here because my situation might be pretty simple, considering it has not even been 6 months since my significant other and I have been togther. However, I am trying to understand this addiction. I did my own research on it and he fits all the criterion. He calls in sick frequently (at least once a week) to get things done he states, but then just plays video games literally all day. We have been on and off during those 6 months and he will say things like he has found more constructive things to do with his time instead of video games to get me back, only for me to come over to him playing video games again throughout the night. He actually sent this text to me the other night and I was baffled...

"When a new video game comes out especially on a weekend then I play it. I wouldn't even minded if you were here, I just wouldn't be able to pay any attention to you and I feel that would be rude. Xo"

I was appauled by this message because it was like he did not even realize he had a choice between spending time with me or video games. I read up on the whole self esteem ideology and how gaming builds confidence and is a means for escaping reality. We are currently "off" and I think still trying to figure out what we want, but I am realizing he seeks his self esteem through online dating sites and social media likes as well. I want to scream wake up, but I know he is not at the point yet of taking that constructively. He has been a good friend of mine for quite sometime as well so it is hard to just walk away, but at this point it seems obvious...just walk away, right?

Polga
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Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome Psychead

Welcome Psychead

If he is an addict then his addiction will be his first love. You will be second. You cannot cure him. He has got to want to give it up because he can see his whole life is starting to become unmanageable. You need to know what your boundaries are around his gaming use. You need to know what you want in a relationship. It sounds like he is falling short of your expectations of a healthy relationship.

At six months, it should be the honeymoon period. Yet you feel neglected already. Not a good sign.

I think all you can do is be brutally honest about your own needs with him. He may not  seem to listen or respond how you would like. At least you would have said your piece. We cannot tell you what to do but to walk away would make sense as you would not be enabling his addiction any longer and you would be looking after your needs .

Keep coming back; the advice and shared stories will help crystalise what you need to do.

 

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