When my now husband and I first started dating when we were in high school, he would play maybe and hour at the most before he would come visit me at my parent's house. He eventually moved into our home 2 years later, and that when I noticed things started to get bad. I was raised the old school Mexican way (you cook dinner, clean, wash clothes etc) I have no problem with that because I enjoy it. So when he moved in I took over that responsibility. It started off maybe playing for four hours after work, then it grew to six, then to the point that the moment he would get home at 4 pm he would get on till almost 12 am. The weekends got worse. From the moment he would wake up till the moment he went to bed at 4 in the morning he would be playing. We got married July of last year after being together for almost 5 years, and things have only gotten worse. Now that we live on our own we never go anywhere or spend any time together anymore. When I try to talk to him while he's playing online with people he's never met before he gets mad at me and is so rude to me. It makes me feel beyond unloved. At times I like it's my fault that it's gotten this bad, because the moment we started living together I did everything for him, which gave him more time to play. I feel like I opened Pandora's box and I let out all this sorrow on to myself.
I'm always fighting for his attention and it hurts so much to feel like as a wife you come in second place to a piece of plastic covered metal. I want to have kids soon. I'm only 23, but I have a medical condition that if I wait till my 30s kids won't be possible for me. But with the way that he is, it makes not want to have any with him. If he can barely stand going to take the dogs on a walk with me because he feels like he has to play then, how do I know he will help me with a baby. I hear the excuse "okay hold on I'm almost done" or "one more round I promise" so much that I kinda wish I didn't get married at such a young age. I love him, and I have loved him since I was 16, but my love is no longer enough for him. I can no longer tell him how I'm feeling because he doesn't listen to me, or he gets mad at me for feeling the way that I do.
I can no longer go to him with my feelings. I go to my friends, and when he finds out he yells and gets angry and tells me that's what he's here for, but since I'm not plugged into the tv or have a controller, what I say and how I feel goes unnoticed, or in one ear and out the other. I just want to feel wanted again.