16 days Yay!

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ootontmoors
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16 days Yay!

Hi all,

I am a long time lurker. I have quit and relapsed more times than I can count but something has changed this time. I am 16 days clear of games and feeling pretty good about it. I have been inspired by the stories offered by this wonderful community and hoped that my story might help someone too.

Over 30 years of gaming addiction along with bouts of struggling with drugs, alcohol and all the shiny goodies the internet offers. Elite (on the spectrum if anyone still remembers what one is) did major damage to my school grades and games have certainly hindered my progress since. Planetside, WoW and worst of all World of Tanks and Eve Online have cost me time and money I will never get back and gave me nothing in return.

I am undiagnosed but almost certainly Aspergers/HFA and am particularly prone to obsessive/addictive behaviour. Previously working in the IT/Comms business has meant I was always around new tech and now my children like to game its always close by. Self-discipline is my only protection. If I can quit then you certainly can. I am still drawn to games but their grip is slowly weakening.

I am not a Christian and struggled with that part of the recommended path to recovery. I concede that a change in mindset is a prerequisite to recovery. If you are a Christian then you believe God put that power within you. God helps those who help themselves right? But if you are reading the guidance given here as a non-Christian do not despair. The power to quit is already within us all.

Keep busy. I am lucky as I can go out with my dogs way up on t'moors and lose any digital ghosts that may be haunting me. I have been up in the clouds/mist/rain almost every day since I quit on the mountain bike or walking. Finding a new obsession will help. Walking, fishing, golf, cycling anything that gets you outdoors and active. I am shedding pounds too.

I had always meant to post before to say thanks for the help you all provided me and others many of which will lurk forever.

A great community with great advice and support. I'll post again soon and let you know how I am doing either way. Stay safely away from those naughty sprites and pixels.

Peace

David

The great Tao is broad and plain
But people like the side paths

May Light
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Congratulations for being 16

Congratulations for being 16 days game free! Keep up the good work!

"The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past. You can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches." "The first step toward change is acceptance." "Once you accept yourself, you open the door to change. That's all you have to do." "Change is not something you do, it's something you allow."- Will Garcia

Reddog
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That's great! I really

That's great! I really realted to what you talked about going on a walk and loosing your digital "ghost". I have a stressful job and I spend about 9 hours a day on a computer when I was gaming I would spend an additional 3-4 online everynight. That was most of my waking hours being "plugged in". When I gamed I always told myself I needed and deserved that time to blow off steam relax. Of course it did the exact oposite just added more stress and negitive feelings. Now I go for a daily walk in the evening with my dog listen to audio books or music and enjoy just being outside and moving. It helps me decompress and hey it's excersise too which I was never too concerend about while gaming. Recently I started turning my phone on Air Plane mode during my walks so no text, phone calls or emails to interupt me. I think just getting up and doing something physical especially outside works so well for me because it is the exact oposite of sitting in dark room gaming.

I would like to add you should check out the meetings if you havent. I completely understand where you are coming from about the Christianity deal but your HP does not have to be God or Jesus it is YOUR HP you figure out what that means to you.

"Yesterday is History, Tomorrow a Mystery, Today is a Gift, Thats why it's called the Present"

Scott
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Glad you're speaking up,

Glad you're speaking up, Matt. One of the most helpful ways to stay off games is by making connections with other people doing the same. Hope to see you at the meetings!

What you feed grows, and what you starve withers away.

ootontmoors
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Progress report. 28 days.

Progress report. 28 days.

The last week was very hard. I was stuck indoors caring for 2 poorly children, unable to find my usual solitude out walking and with the computer sitting there offering its escape. But I havent played computer games. I have watched my littlun play her Skylanders and resisted the temptation to join in when she asked for help (ouch). We have played boardgames together instead. I watched a lot more films and actually read some books. Reading used to be my favourite thing. Catching up felt good.

I am noticing I dont rush things so much. I guess I always rushed to finish things to get back to gaming and never realised. My wife and children have noticed the difference. I guess I used to rush time with them to get back to games too. It makes me sad to see the truth in that.

I struggled to quit smoking 20 years ago (cigarettes and weed) and even now I might enjoy the odd cigar on special occasions. Years ago I also dabbled in coke, speed and E. But video games seem to have a different kind of hook, once they get that hook in it seems to go in deep and be hard to pull away from. This isnt the first time I have tried to quit but its the longest success I have had and learning from other people experiences her and their encouraging comments make a difference.

I still have some other stuff to put straight but these last four weeks have taught me a lot. Maybe because I am paying attention and not rushing through the important stuff to get back to my computer chair.

My wife said last night 'I cant remember the last time I looked for you at the computer.' And boy did I smile.

Happy times

David

The great Tao is broad and plain

But people like the side paths

Reddog
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Thanks for the update David

Thanks for the update David and gratz on 28 days! I know exactly what you mean about rushing through things I did the same. Everything I did at home was as quickly as possible to get to gaming. I too am sad about that thinking of all the stuff I missed out on but it is in the past nothing I can do now but apreciate the present and make that time matter. You just do not see this while in the grasp of addiction it is very eye opening during recovery.

"Yesterday is History, Tomorrow a Mystery, Today is a Gift, Thats why it's called the Present"

ootontmoors
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Reddog, I read your blog.

Reddog, I read your blog. It's stories like yours that have helped. To hear from others going through the same hurt and struggle means a lot.

Thanks for taking the time to comment :)

halcy
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ootontmoors wrote: I am
ootontmoors wrote:

I am noticing I dont rush things so much. I guess I always rushed to finish things to get back to gaming and never realised. My wife and children have noticed the difference. I guess I used to rush time with them to get back to games too. It makes me sad to see the truth in that.

David,

Reading this stuck out to me. Today, I was struggling with the urge to play. I had found myself momentarily resolute to go upstairs and reinstall. The itch came when I was in the middle of cooking, and immediately, I felt the "rush" come on; I whirled around the kitchen frantically putting things away, washing two and three dishes at once, and eating scalding hot food, all while my mind reeled and spun at what the next few hours would be like. "Will I go to bed on time?" I wondered. "And what about meeting with my friend tomorrow morning... I'll be tired, and I could game then some before I leave for the weekend... Maybe I should just cancel with him now...."

I stopped there, thankfully. Being here in this community helps me to grasp at the insight necessary to see things as they are. Even when we feel as though we are simply venting our frustrations, weakness, worry, shame, hopelessness- these things all help, even if we do not quite know it. There's nothing wrong with lurking, I think. But to give of yourself to the community here seems, to me, to be significantly impactful. ootontmoors (O, Scotland, how I miss thee), I hope you stick around and keep posting. And hey, I've found the meetings really helpful too, despite my significant resistance to them initially.

Best,

-halcy

dan1
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Thank you for posting your

Thank you for posting your story, David. I'm glad you came out of the shadows and shared it with us.

It would be great to see you at a meeting. There are four each day: http://olganon.org/?q=node/46551

About the Christian thing: Here's a different view of higher power--

http://olganon.org/?q=blog/15214&page=9

And here's an enlightening exercise for Step 2--

http://olganon.org/?q=blog/15214&page=7

Good to meet you. Best wishes.

I am a recovering computer game and gambling addict. My recovery birthday: On May 6, 2012 I quit games and began working a program of recovery through OLGA No computer games or slot games for me since December 12, 2012. No solitaire games with real cards since June 2013.

ootontmoors
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Thanks for all the positive

Thanks for all the positive comments and the links on beliefs, yeah, nice.

Nine weeks now. Gaming's hold on me is much, much weaker. It doesn't trouble me much now. I am not so arrogant as too say I am cured forever but I have taken a big step.

Online meetings aren't really my thing and I am sorry for that.I'll post again and to anyone just starting out to quit. Do it. It will change your life. Seriously, it's a big deal :)

The great Tao is broad and plain

But people like the side paths

YouAreNOTalone
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Hello David. I'm glad that

Hello David. I'm glad that you're doing well and that you decided to change your life. Keep up the good work. We all know it's hard, sometimes very,very hard but we can do it as long we truly want to be free. Best wishes to you

David

"The future is determined by our choices in the present." - Anonymous Author

Scott
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Quote: Online meetings
Quote:

Online meetings aren't really my thing

Ya know, there's isn't one of us who started going to online meetings, saying, "Yeah, these are my thing." We started going to online meetings because our lives were disasters and the people who had turned their lives around were going to meetings.

If your problem was intense abdominal pain, and you were advised to have your appendix removed, would you say, "Getting surgery isn't really my thing"?

What you feed grows, and what you starve withers away.

ootontmoors
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Scott wrote: Quote: If
Scott]</p><p>[quote wrote:

If your problem was intense abdominal pain, and you were advised to have your appendix removed, would you say, "Getting surgery isn't really my thing"?

:) I can't really argue with that logic. I may see you all at a meeting sometime. I wouldn't completely rule it out.

I am still game free. I am very lucky. I have a very supportive family and many hobbies that keep.me busy. I know many people are less fortunate.

Right now my recovery is going well and if it ain't broke etc...

Keep safe and well all

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