2 months :)

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Beina
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2 months :)

been off the games for 2 months.

Wouldn't of been able to do it without disocnnecting the internet. using internet at in laws house at the moment.

think about gaming every day. the problem is that as soon as the internet comes back im going to be gaming.

MammaTam
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Hugs Beina, At one point I

Hugs Beina,

At one point I went Internet/Computer free for a year and a half because I was so unmanageable. Even sitting in front of a computer was torment for me. Find a local AA, GA or NA group that will accept you and that way you can gain the skills to manage your addiction away from the computer.

In the end I came back to OLGA after relapsing and got a sponsor because trying to go cold turkey on my own was just too hard.

No matter what happens even if you do relapse again just keep coming back. connect with other addicts we are all here to support you and encourage you as well.

Hugs and Prayers

Tam

"It has become appallingly clear that our technology has surpassed our humanity"
Albert Einstein.

Desire to Stop
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Happy 2 months! I found I

Happy 2 months!

I found I had to do the step work in order to free myself from the craving--it helped rearrange my insides enough that I wasn't driven around by the craving and trying to control my addiction based upon whether or not I had internet access.

At the time I worked remote, on the computer, and couldn't give up that job because of the craving--so being able to sort that out with the step work really helped. I still work as a remote, I still use the computer for my job. I don't game. This isn't because I'm awesome or amazing, I'm another addict just like you.

But doing the stepwork somehow changed that insatiable craving--thankfully! In my area we have high unemployment, so it's a great thing to still be able to do my job!

Cheers, Desire to Stop
ALL quoted text (unless otherwise stated) comes from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous (with wording sometimes changed only to make it more relevant for gaming addiction). I will include page numbers.

Hoping & praying for a measure of recovery for all of us today.

Beina
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I'm so ****ing bored it's

I'm so ****ing bored it's not funny.

Reminisimg of old times - I know you were all addicts but I was so ****ing good at computer games. I played lots of online high level competition games. That's the addiction!!

When you sit down and you start to dominate, your playing well vs good players who are also very good players - stakes are high, people are watching, you can't make a mistake, not now, not vs him, not on this map (disclaimer 'if you didn't understand that completely that's ok - only RTSplayers would understand' :) )

***KAF*** Gen.Ka (HC) , CgS| Scorp^ - Leader , Amphetamines , BoysGunnagetya

Or, it's 7 vs 1 in FPS - your the last man and you get 3 of them (with ease OFC :p ), it's now 4v1 but their comming for you, their there wanting to be the one who kills you- as your a good player in everyone's book- not some, some think your sh** ( so why do they never get me and I get them all the time ). YOU are now down to 2v1 this is now happening - times running out - the last two are ok skill wise but they also have time and position. Hearts starting to go, your starting to feel your heart pumping!!!!!! Your emotionally attached for as long as it takes the motion in time to pass it's an amazing feeling - you play for the big games this is why I play online games people and it takes its ****ing tool on people as the years go buy.

I have a legitimate long term gaming addiction which I doubt any of you can comprehend.

-I have NO friends nor have I been able to make ONE in 10 years.

-I'm generally not liked by people dispute my best efforts to be myself , I get peoples backs up.

- never known a life other than gaming

But I was very good lady's and gentleman - but I was the best at what I did- relentless to be better , learned, grew, evolved and came out a formidable player in every game I touched. You cannot understand how good I was. Talked about by other players , watched by players all the time. That feeling, your game playing skills watched by others as you dominate others. Gaming addiction for me is high level competitive multiplayer online gaming.

I haven't gamed for 2 months - which is the longest I have EVER IN MY LIFE been off games. Not a day goes by when I'm not remembering moment of my GLORY . These memory's do not belong to the games these are my feelings, these are my moments in time and nothing, or nobody can take them away from me or make me forget. Addiction or no addiction. I hate what my life is without them- although both life's have their pro's and cons. I've now done both and I choose games, I'm sorry.

OutOfAzeroth
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Hi Beina, And good luck in

Hi Beina,

And good luck in this new stage that you are entering, I do hope that it gives you The satisfaction you are lookig forward to

On a side note, there is no necessity for you to feel sorry towards anyone in that forum for your choice, since the purpose of Olganon is not to persuade people to stop gaming if it is not their choice, but only to help those who want to stop but find themselves unable to despite their decision.

And lastly, if you were by any chance to find yourself later in life in that situation of wanting to stop but not able to do it, please do come back, you will always be welcome.

Cheers,

AES
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I'm intimately familiar with

I'm intimately familiar with what you describe. Being a successful and reputable video gamer is indeed very addicting. Not only are you getting your dopamine/catecholamine hits from the pixels, but there is also the allure of status and reputation. In-game, you're godly. There's people looking up to you. You're somebody.

The sense of achievement and the recognition that comes along with it are very hard to turn down. The problem is that it doesn't last. Not in the land of make believe. Those who look up to you are quick to forget you and replace you with the latest #1 ranked nolifer. You were never more than a bunch of pixels in a screen. You may have mad skills and reaction time now, but those start nose-diving after 25. At 40, the only thing left is regret for having wasted your best years in something as inconsequential and ephemeral as video games.

You are betting on the wrong horse my friend.

How many psychotherapists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one--but the light bulb has to really want to change.

Scott
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Beina wrote: I haven't gamed
Beina wrote:

I haven't gamed for 2 months - which is the longest I have EVER IN MY LIFE been off games. Not a day goes by when I'm not remembering moment of my GLORY . These memory's do not belong to the games these are my feelings, these are my moments in time and nothing, or nobody can take them away from me or make me forget. Addiction or no addiction. I hate what my life is without them- although both life's have their pro's and cons. I've now done both and I choose games, I'm sorry.

Very understandable! That's exactly what all of us addicts do. We try abstinence on our own, and sooner or later (usually sooner) we are driven back into the addictive behavior. For a gaming addict, life without games and without a recovery program IS MISERABLE. When I first tried this (it was with alcohol at the time) I was miserable, and having suicidal thoughts for the first time in my life. Of course I went back to drinking. At least I could numb out the pain part of the time.

Yet the numbing out stopped working over time too (with both drinking and gaming.) Then I was left with nothing but pain, frustration, self-loathing, resentment and an all-consuming obsession/compulsion that had become a full-time job, a relentless grind. This is called "the jumping off point." Life my way was miserable with games and life my way was miserable without games. It was time to try life another way.

I didn't want to try life the recovery program way, but I was desperate and I kept hearing that it was working for other people. So I tried it. It hasn't been easy, and it hasn't been fun the whole time, but it has been massively rewarding. The life of pain, frustration, self-loathing, resentment, obsession and compulsion is gone. I'm living a new life where I'm often calm, content, and satisfied. I have people in my life again. I feel lighter and happier and can joke around easily. I'm doing so many things that I used to endlessly procrastinate.

You don't have to be stuck in the miserable gaming / miserable not gaming trap. There is a third option.

What you feed grows, and what you starve withers away.

Ascender
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Scott wrote: You don't have
Scott wrote:

You don't have to be stuck in the miserable gaming / miserable not gaming trap. There is a third option.

Great words.

Beina, that third option only becomes clear once we're truly part of a fellowship and working recovery the way it is intended.

You say no one here can understand you? Try being 17 years of hardcore gaming, multiple statewide tournament victories, money won, top rated clans led, nothing in my life but games since I was 15. I'm 32 now. I can understand you, believe me. I came here and tried abstinence on my own (When I first came here, mainly SL players, not my sorta gamer I could relate to so I didn't stick around). I tried not playing but not really attending meetings or working the steps. Let's just say I hated my life even moreso. All my ego wanted was to be nurtured again with my gaming persona and "life" inside the games.
For those 4 years before coming back, it was nothing but excess. More depravity, more self loathing, more guilt. Eventually I came back and actually tried the program the right way.

That's the 3rd option. The group supports you and lifts you up - you no longer feel so miserable with them but you absolutely will remember the misery you endured when you were playing. The meetings become something I look forward to now.

I wish you luck. I've been where you are.

-Jesse

A wise man once told me to shutup.
\\ Free from games since 03.13.2014 //

MammaTam
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Good Luck Beina,  We are

Good Luck Beina,

We are here for you no matter what your choice. Recovery is a process and it's a different journey for everyone. I know that when I was managing my recovery alone and without support from the fellowship, the desire to game was overwhelming. Cold Turkey is tough and if you don't have support it's lonely and miserable as well as difficult. Trust me I know from personal experience.

You see I too loved the games; I loved them so much more than the negative consequences that addiction brought with it. Knowing I had a problem, deciding to quit and coming to hate gaming was a process that took about 18mths for me. Even then I had relapses.

You have incorrectly surmised that we don't understand, but we do. You are simply in one place in your recovery that some of us have moved past. Listen to the others who have similiar stories and try to learn from what worked for them.

I hope that you return to the fellowship quickly and that you are also able to find Real Life people who can encourage your recovery.

Hugs Tam

"It has become appallingly clear that our technology has surpassed our humanity"
Albert Einstein.

Beina
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AES.    I found what you

AES.

I found what you said to be insightful - however I've read what you've wrote before. Somewhere. Not to undermine what you have said, but their not your words ... Are they ;)

Im in substituting work for games. Work is my new addiction. It's becoming a problem. However this problem is easyier and much more rewarding.

1 month sinse this first post and still game free - maybe it was true all along that I have a gift and maybe if I channeled that into something productive back then it would of been a different life - who knows... Who cares.

John of the Roses
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We care.  Period.

We care. Period.

"There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative." --W. Clement Stone

Reddog
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  Gratz on one month Beina!

Gratz on one month Beina! The one month period where I started to see there was something worth more than gaming and quitting was possible if I kept working on recovering. Sure I still have urges but the withdraw is gone by this time. I was actually able to get joy from things besides gaming real things.

As others said I think you would be surprised how many of us relate to your situation. There are several reasons people game and in turn become addicted. I was also addicted to the competition I spent as much time as possible in the arenas. I loved PVP pretty much the only thing about the actual games I enjoyed. In one game I had reached "celebrity" status for my "proness" of a certain class. I was a GM of a top guild. People sought my advice and looked up to me. All that dramatically contributed to my addiction. I was also very much addicted to the social aspect of the game. I made friends and earned respect easily in game unlike RL. It is hard to quit anything you are really good at much less something that allows you to escape in to a fantasy world you can be anything or anyone you want to be.

We do care though and are here to help if you want it. Each of us makes the others stronger and help keep us from gaming. The group here is extremely forgiving and accepting. For everyone its not perfection its progress.

"Yesterday is History, Tomorrow a Mystery, Today is a Gift, Thats why it's called the Present"

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