7 days

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Reddog's picture
Last seen: 6 years 5 months ago
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Joined: 07/13/2014 - 2:20pm
7 days

I figured it would be good to post here to help keep me accountable. Today is my 7th day with no gaming or social interaction with my gaming friends. I thought the first few days were the hardest but they were easy comparred to the past two. Depresion has set in and a huge emptiness. I think I was a little more pumped at taking the first steps the first few days and that "excitement" has worn off and reality has set in. I feel the urge to game to escape my depresion. It has taken a lot to fight it. I feel like I abbandoned a part of me that was as sad as it is to say it out loud the most important thing in my life. I am deepely ashammed to even say that. To say I feel like the gaming and my online friends were the most important thing to me. That is what this addiction does to you. Completely screws up your priorities and what should be the most important things to you feel like roadblacks to what you really want to do which is escape to your virtual world where you can pretned to be who you want. Do the things you wish you could in real life without all the real life consequences of your actions.

But none of it is real. You log off finally and once the last bit of endorphines drain out of your body you are right back to where you were. Your freinds and family left in the quake of your escape to fend for themselves.

I have been attending meetings and it does help to share with others going thorugh the same thing. I have also attempted to replace gaming with other things like getting more serious about excersise. and reading a lot which helps.

I admitted to my wife I was an addict. Not that she didnt know but felt good to actually admitt it to her She does not really understand how addicted I am or all the lies and things I have done over the last few years. I hope to some day have the courage to do this.

I am having a real tough time with the steps mainly 2 because I do not feel like I am a religious person so having a hard time identifieng with a HP.

Anyway want to thank the people here there is something very comforting to finding others that know exactly what you are going through.

"Yesterday is History, Tomorrow a Mystery, Today is a Gift, Thats why it's called the Present"

Last seen: 7 years 6 months ago
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Joined: 04/21/2014 - 3:03pm
Hi Reddog!  I can relate to

Hi Reddog! I can relate to so much of what you shared. Those first 7-10 days it felt as if a part of me had been ripped away - I literally cried a few times for many days over the ache in my heart missing everything associated with gaming, including the ingame friends who at that point felt like my closest and only real friends. The world seemed grey and dull and days seemed like they lasted years. I don't think I thought of it before I read your post but wow it did feel like grieving a loss.

It definitely has gotten easier since then and going to not only the online meetings but to face-to-face meetings (I go to AA ones but there are NA and others) has helped the most. Regarding step 2 and the entire 12 step program, it definitely is not a religious program or affiliated with any religion. It is a spiritual program. Each of us has to find a power greater them ourselves that works for us personally which is the opposite of organized religions where to be a member you need to adopt the beliefs of that group/religion. I've heard in AA, religion is for people who are afraid of going to Hell; spirituality is for people who have already been there. Stopping gaming or any addiction is step 1, and if we stop there, we stay stuck and are "restless, irritable, and discontented" as they say. A sponsor who has worked the steps is the best help!

Grats on 7 days and glad you are here!

Hugs, Lisa Video game free since 4/17/2014

Xyn's picture
Last seen: 6 years 10 months ago
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Joined: 05/12/2014 - 9:46pm
Great words Lisa. And yea

Great words Lisa.

And yea like Lisa said i can really realate to your share here Reddog. I think recently i experienced some of the same thing. There was actually some excitement that came with quitting gaming although mine might have lasted longer than yours it did kinda dissipate and as you said "Reality" set in. Its hard when you realize exactly how much time and effort you put into developing that "Life" if you can even call it that and you look around to see what you have without the games being in your life and find yourself searching for things. I know though that i cant just wallow in my misery and i cant retreat back to gaming. no matter what and no matter how slow going forward is....i have to keep going forward. not backwards. Tomorrow is a new day.

ChrisMix26's picture
Last seen: 8 years 5 months ago
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Joined: 09/24/2012 - 6:19pm
Well Reddog, I felt Days

Well Reddog, I felt Days 7-11 were the HARDEST, also. You can look back on my blog from a year ago and my posts get downright dark and ominous sounding. After this depression phase, I experienced kind of a emotionally numb phase where everything in the world seemed so boring or relaxed compared to the game. I felt like I was suddenly immersed in the 18th century for hobby choices as nothing could compare to the constant electronic stimulation.

I think a lot of members find it comforting to just read posts about how much better others' lives are once they're clean. Oh yeah, and I'm atheist and I found a way to follow the steps. A few people have complained about the inclusion of the higher power in the Atheists/Agnostics section of here, since they basically just changed god with HP. You really just have to understand the psychological necessity of being humble enough to give yourself up to something greater than yourself.

I found it worked if I thought of their "HP" as an image of my perfect self. Everyone has an image of themselves that they wish they were, or else they wouldn't be trying to escape into a game. For example, my perfect self image is a handsome man who is great with handywork, a perfect father, excellent cook, he climbs mountains, competes in sword competitions at renaissance fairs... you get the point. When I think of all the things I had hoped I would be, it gives me a sense of humbleness, like the perfect image of me is looking at my current self critically, but also acceptingly.

You can use whatever you want as your focal point for the HP, but the basic psychological tactic is that you are able to instill a sense of humbleness and willingness to improve.

It's time to make up for lost time!

Game free since May 20, 2013.

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