In between

25 posts / 0 new
Last post
Losingedge
Losingedge's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 1 month ago
OLGA member
Joined: 11/17/2012 - 4:50pm
In between

Hey everyone,

It's my official 3rd day (after many other failed attempts of quitting before) gaming free..
I know it's silly to even think there would be big differences, but still.. I feel empty when I just stand still for a second, I need to do something otherwise I'll start gaming again..

It's really very hard, yet so easy to quit. Now if I think of gaming..boring, but I somehow feel the NEED. Like something is pushing me towards this addiction. I feel empty and lonely if I don't game, and it's easy to understand, I never filled that emptiness before with something else but gaming, I don't know any better.

If I think of other acitivities, I just feel so lazy and bored then.. I even force myself into doing those activities and still no results, I think it's boring and gaming is the answer(for that short amount of time).

I hope one day I can say no to gaming, and yes to study, workout, go out, walk, bike, socialize.. (I'm very shy and anti social).

Is there anyone else who experiences (or experienced) laziness because of gaming? Or is it something else that's making me lazy.. it's very hard then to force yourself to study but I have fun, I just don't enjoy it really much anymore as I did before.. and being a future engineer, that should be my way of life, being curious and love what I would do.

Day 4 is closing in.. scheduled the following:

-Studyin library - for the fourth time - with no laptop or any other distraction,
-Watch a movie,
-Go out for a drink (coffee),
-Fitness (I'm amazed how lazy I've become, already thinking about not going because it takes time to get there)

I hope I'll find something small to do if I'll have any time left, otherwise my urge to game kicks in.

By the way, thank you for sharing your thoughts on this forum, I try to read them all(topics).

Well I'm off to bed, the only time and place I'm not thinking about gaming or 'being bored'.

exazzy
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 4 months ago
OLGA member
Joined: 05/27/2012 - 6:36pm
Hey Losingedge, congrats on

Hey Losingedge, congrats on three days!

Yes I relate to the perceived laziness, think about it this way. Your brain is craving the payoff it is used to getting from gaming, and now it's like -- 'studying? working out? really, what is this stuff?' It is not re-wired for that yet, it's still looking for the Instant Reward. It takes time to retrain it to enjoy this Other Thing.

Plus, detoxing, fighting your own brain and thoughts, encountering yourself -- it is EXHAUSTING. But it does get easier as you move forward.

Twelve miles into the forest, 12 miles out.
Left my poisonous game July 4, 2012. Left online communities June 4, 2013.

Losingedge
Losingedge's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 1 month ago
OLGA member
Joined: 11/17/2012 - 4:50pm
Thanks exazzy, this little

Thanks exazzy, this little push forward helps me to go to bed with a soothing mind.

I appreciate your effort. Now it's all about patiece I guess, I won't give up! I want to be 'that guy' again and succeed at life, step by step.

Really, thanks, it helped!

vesalian.prime
vesalian.prime's picture
Offline
Last seen: 2 years 10 months ago
OLGA member
Joined: 02/23/2012 - 11:50pm
Here is a list of withdrawal

Here is a list of withdrawal symptoms: http://www.olganon.org/?q=game_addiction_withdrawal_symptoms

How about these two:

Boredom/inability to find an activity of interestLack of motivation/direction

Knowledge is power !

Perhaps a man who is worthy of the name should put aside this question of how long he will live ..., and turn his attention to this instead, to how he can live the best life possible in the time that is granted to him
Marcus Aurelius

vesalian.prime
vesalian.prime's picture
Offline
Last seen: 2 years 10 months ago
OLGA member
Joined: 02/23/2012 - 11:50pm
Oh, and here are suggestions

Oh, and here are suggestions what to do when you crave gaming: http://www.olganon.org/?q=node/5565

I find it useful to think of gaming addiction as a disease. Just like a fever, you need to rest and drink fluids and not overstress yourself to overcome it, and with time your body and brain will heal. Your brain has developped pathways that both got used to and crave the overstimulation of games. The adrenaline rush and puzzle solving excitement and frequent rewards and random loot, all these are exagerated versions of real life stimuli.

It is as if you have been eating very hot, spicy food for years and now you have run out of peppers and all food tastes boring. Your taste buds will heal eventually, and be able to pickup the refined nuances of real food, so much more varied and subtle than hot/not hot peppers. It takes time.

Perhaps a man who is worthy of the name should put aside this question of how long he will live ..., and turn his attention to this instead, to how he can live the best life possible in the time that is granted to him
Marcus Aurelius

vesalian.prime
vesalian.prime's picture
Offline
Last seen: 2 years 10 months ago
OLGA member
Joined: 02/23/2012 - 11:50pm
Actually this is  much

Actually this is much bigger and better thread on what to do when you crave games: http://www.olganon.org/?q=node/5267

Perhaps a man who is worthy of the name should put aside this question of how long he will live ..., and turn his attention to this instead, to how he can live the best life possible in the time that is granted to him
Marcus Aurelius

Losingedge
Losingedge's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 1 month ago
OLGA member
Joined: 11/17/2012 - 4:50pm
It does help sometimes

It does help sometimes vesalian.prime, but it's hard to do so because I feel so bored, lazy and so on.. I KNOW how bad it is to not do anything, especially since I've got my exams soon and yet.. I barely do anything, it's like.. I don't know, some kind of barrier. It sounds stupid, but it REALLY blocks me to do anything productive and actually STUDY, engineering course really needs time to get into the flow and stay there. No matter how genius someone can be, you'll never pass if you don't study, knowledge doesn't appear out of nothing. And I'm aware of that, still.. not doing anything. I don't know what's wrong with me, it worked the first couple of days since I went to the library and had no choice.. even though I had the urge to sleep because nothing is more fun and interesting as gaming itself, or just.. 'internet'.

Another barrier I created now is.. I pulled my back really badly couple of days ago, I couldn't walk at all, I thought I was going to die from pain, sounds silly, but it's just hell of a pain. Now after couple of days, it still hurts like hell but at least I can walk now with very little steps, can't bend, turn, nothing.. so this really holds me back to sit/lay down and study or something.. so I just hit up my tv shows and waste my time with that. Seriously, I feel ashamed and more stupid with every day.

Is there Anyone who's an academic(just a student at least, who I can relate too), sort of my age (20s) and went through all of this and layed off his/her way of life(addiction, lazyness, etc) who can confirm it gets better?... I just can't see the light at the end of a tunnel right now, seems like unreal.

I also can't get rid of any electronics, because of my engineering course, I need the internet, pc and every single program that I need to use.. so I can't do that.

I just need to know if it works if you force yourself, even if you fall asleep doing other activities (studying,..) so I'm not wasting my time trying every strategy by trial and error. By that time I think it will be too late.

I guess my pit is so deep, I just can't climb out of it without some help. And I sense my girlfriend doesn't really realize the importance of my addiction etc. She says she does but sometimes she has her moments where she tells me this is just an excuse I "found out" to not do anything more important where as my life depends on.. but I really DO want to be "that man" again to her, more attentive, study, serious.. (I found that I more a joker last year, everything is 'funny') etc etc etc but I just CAN'T. Anyone else with this exact feeling? Like you're pushing something but you just can't move it?

It's a week gaming free now (except couple of minutes flash games because of my back and I couldn't think of anything else entertaining) but I feel like I'm exchanging it with internet usage. (facebook check, facebook check, 9gag check, 9gag checkn.. mails check, once again.. just in case.. and it goes on for HOURS. And of course TV shows.. TBBT, HIMYM, Parks and recreation, it's always sunny in.. you name it, I've seen them all)

My humble thanks in advance:)

dan1
dan1's picture
Offline
Last seen: 5 years 11 months ago
OLGA member
Joined: 05/04/2012 - 6:42pm
Losing, This could be my

Losing,

This could be my story. I'm not as young, but I'm an academic and do intellectual work. I get just about every sentence of what you said here. The TV, the feeling of pushing against a barrier, the mindless surfing from one thing to another, etc. The actual feeling of pain when you try to do some exercise. Check, check, check. I will share with you everything I know about me, and hope that some part of it might help you.

First, gaming is hard to quit. You are still in serious withdrawal. Yes, it will feel super, super sucky. This won't last forever. Get sleep, eat healthy food, don't drink a bunch of sugar crap (there are nine teaspoons of sugar in the average soda, count them). This terrible feeling of nothingness should get better.

Second, I stopped the internet surfing and obsessive checking of email. It's almost as bad as games. TV is a passive escape, so it's a little better than surfing, because it doesn't give you those dopamine rushes, and finding crap on the internet may do some of that. Maybe do what is necessary for school, check email twice a day, come to OLGA as much as you want, and leave every other use of the internet behind, and least for the first month or two. This will be hard for you to do--if you can't do it right now, try doing it in a few days when you stabilize a bit more.

Third, what you experience as lazyness, the total deadness of everyhing in the world (except games) is called anhedonia, and it's a symptom of addiction and also one of the symptoms of depression. I had this big time, and to be honest, after 6 months away from games, it's still there to some extent, just less of it. You feel crappy because your brain has lowered the background level of dopamine in response to the overstimulation of gaming. It's not just going to wake up and produce enough tomorrow. It will slowly come back in the direction of normal, but will take time. Meanwhile, you feel like a rusted-up robot. I totally get this.

Fourth, you may have been gaming to medicate other problems. I was gaming to self-medicate my bipolar disorder. If I could have gamed for 30 minutes and just calmed myself down and then quit and focused on work, it would have been a healthy little activity for me; instead it spiraled out of control and drove lots of other stuff out of my life. Even though I got therapy and medication for my bipolar disorder, I still had that "I am stuck here, I don't know why and nobody else gets it" feeling. The games kept me stuck. Avoiding life kept me stuck. Even when the bipolar chaos was lessened with meds, I was stuck. If you have an underlying imbalance you have been medicating (mood, anxiety or attention disorders, for example), then that may not get better until you do other things to treat it, whether it's nutritional supplements, meditation, medication, therapy, exercise or whatever. That might be hard to tell at first, because the withdrawal stuff is so nasty, and it creates a lot of bad symptoms, so it's hard to tell if something else is there, too.

Fifth, some of the stuff you have been avoiding might be psychological--based on your feelings about life, your attitudes, etc. The 12 steps are designed to help people deal with the thoughts and feelings that are driving them toward addiction. I'm working on them and the stuff I'm having to dig up is clearly important to deal with. Regular counseling-style therapy might also help some of this; I get support for my 12-step work from both my therapist and my sponsor.

Sorry if this all seems like bad news--it's not, really. It means that there are a lot of things you can try to do to get better. Some of them will work. Just stay away from games, get away from internet surfing as soon as you possibly can, get healthy food now, sleep when you need to (you might need to sleep a LOT), and be patient. Force yourself to take a break from the TV and walk around the block once. It's hard to be patient when you have exams coming up, for sure. But recovery takes time.

My best wishes to you.

I am a recovering computer game and gambling addict. My recovery birthday: On May 6, 2012 I quit games and began working a program of recovery through OLGA No computer games or slot games for me since December 12, 2012. No solitaire games with real cards since June 2013.

Losingedge
Losingedge's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 1 month ago
OLGA member
Joined: 11/17/2012 - 4:50pm
Dan, Thanks for taking your

Dan,

Thanks for taking your time and trying to help, well it helped, for now. You've made your point very well and it helps. You also answered most of my questions, and just helped in general, really.

I guess I'll just keep (trying) forcing myself, no gaming (which is going quite well) but also no mindless surfing. Once my back is healed (I still can't walk, hurts like hell) I'll pick it up, go often to the library, study.. even though it won't be so amusing anymore. Just go for it. I will try, really. Even if it sounds almost impossible, to "motivate" yourself, but my girlfriend will be helping. (Even when she sometimes snaps.. but I totaly understand her, wouldn't be fun being with a zombie...)

Thanks once again!

Those who feel the urge to add somethings, you're MORE than welcome!

Scott
Scott's picture
Offline
Last seen: 5 years 11 months ago
OLGA member
Joined: 07/01/2010 - 1:17pm
I too can relate very

I too can relate very much. What Dan wrote is great.

Sometimes my anhedonia or lethargy or apathy is so great, I just cannot seem to make a start at anything productive. It helps to break my task down into tiny steps and then just make a start at the very first step. Even then, my brain can be so un-cooperative that I have trouble breaking it down into steps or can't focus on them. So I write down the first few or first several steps. I take the time to realize that, Yes I can accomplish the first one, and I physically set myself in motion towards doing just that first one.

Usually, the movement itself helps and the relief and feeling of accomplishment help, so that it's much easier to motivate myself to do the second step, then the third. Before I know it, I'm on a roll and finishing up the whole task.

Over time, this gets easier. Every time we break out of an old rut and take a new positive step, it moves us a bit further along towards a healthier happier life.

What you feed grows, and what you starve withers away.

vesalian.prime
vesalian.prime's picture
Offline
Last seen: 2 years 10 months ago
OLGA member
Joined: 02/23/2012 - 11:50pm
What Scott said. Make a list

What Scott said. Make a list of what you need to do, stop thinking about strategy, just do the first thing on the list. Ony after it is done, come up for air and decide what is next. Or just grab the next thing off the list. If you did a good job you don't waste time thinking about *what* to do. You just execute.

In the beginning it really helped for me to put *everything* on the list: get groceries, do 20 pushups, take a shower, take the girlfriend out to dinner, read 5 pages of course notes, do 1 homework exercise,...

Also, do no game *at all*. The flash games will not let your brain heal from its addiction to gaming. When you break your leg you put it in a plaster and do not move it *at all*. Your brain is broken and needs to stay away from *all* video games.

For what it is worth I have a PhD in computer science, if that helps you take my advice. It doesn't matter though. There is plenty of good advice that I take here from people without any degrees. I take it because they have experience with gaming addiction and how to deal with it. Thinking you are too smart or too young or too whatever to take advice from the people on Olganon is just your brain telling you that it is ok to do things your way, that you can game without consequences, because you are different. Lose that attitude and you have a chance to make it. Keep thinking you are better or different and you will have a hard time. Not impossible, but much harder. Be smart and take advice from people more experienced than you with this disease.

Good luck.

Perhaps a man who is worthy of the name should put aside this question of how long he will live ..., and turn his attention to this instead, to how he can live the best life possible in the time that is granted to him
Marcus Aurelius

Losingedge
Losingedge's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 1 month ago
OLGA member
Joined: 11/17/2012 - 4:50pm
Thanks Vesalian, much

Thanks Vesalian, much appreciate it!

And oh no, I didn't mean to sound like that, so to others: no offence please... I just meant it to be like .. almost the same situation I am in, studying etc etc, it's easier to image where and how time is spent, or SHOULD be spend.

So besides having this addiction as something in common, also the way of life.. it really makes me realize things better.

So once again, certainly didn't mean to offend anyone or sound cocky...

vesalian.prime
vesalian.prime's picture
Offline
Last seen: 2 years 10 months ago
OLGA member
Joined: 02/23/2012 - 11:50pm
I am sorry, Losingedge. I

I am sorry, Losingedge. I read more into your comments than you put into them. My short temper is my shortcoming, not yours. I hope you get some feedback from other recovering gaming addicts who are studying and trying to pass exams. They do appear on these forums occasionally. Most regulars I talk to are not in that situation. I suggest you try a chat meeting. That is the single best way to get in touch with likeminded people.

Perhaps a man who is worthy of the name should put aside this question of how long he will live ..., and turn his attention to this instead, to how he can live the best life possible in the time that is granted to him
Marcus Aurelius

Bigalaz1
Offline
Last seen: 6 years 9 months ago
OLGA member
Joined: 03/10/2009 - 1:06am
Hope you're still doing

Hope you're still doing well! Hang in there, it's gotten a little easier for me and it will for you too!

Losingedge
Losingedge's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 1 month ago
OLGA member
Joined: 11/17/2012 - 4:50pm
I wanted to mention that

I wanted to mention that aswell, it has been almost three weeks gaming free, and I feel it's getting easier every day!

The only fault I've made, my first weeks, is that I replaced gaming with watching tv series and surfing (braindead) the internet. I've put that aside, step by step and I feel much better!

It's like something hit me, that I don't need to check my e-mails every 5 minutes, there's never been anything important which could wait, such as facebook. Couple of times a day is enough:-).

I've already made some progress in general but mostly not being so lazy anymore! And that's such a relief! I'm working out every day with my girlfriend, because I really need to lose some pounds that I've put on since all these hardcore gaming years! It's horrible, I've always been to fitness and "bulked up" but it looks just ridiculous now, 'muscles' with layer of fat! But I'm going off topic now.

For the ones that pass by and read some here, I can asure you, it does get better (I was hopeless first time too, thought I couldn't see the light at the end of this tunnel..), it really does!

There's this one more important thing.. When I was so into gaming, every single second was so precious that I pushed everything else aside or some days felt useless because I had to do things which mattered. So I felt like it's waste of time and the day was ruined. NOW, I just live my life, day by day, doing "stuff" that matters, some are fun some just needs to be done and yet you feel this satisfaction I never felt before... and I haven't looked back to my "lost seconds", because every single second I live and do something, is just "normal". I don't NEED to be in that gaming world now. So this first, second..third second, are just seconds, all equal.

This might be hard to understand but you know what I mean if you felt/feel the same :-)!

So there it is, especially thanks to this website and getting it all "out" made me really stronger, I thank you all for this. The ones that reply, and really the ones that post their own "story", then you just feel you're not alone.

But this isn't my last post, I'll be bothering you some following months aswell, I've got this feeling, that some withdrawals will kick in some day(feels too good to be true hehe). And I'll be here to let it out, and get it over with. :-)

Good luck to all of you!

Gettingalife
Offline
Last seen: 6 years 5 months ago
OLGA member
Joined: 12/11/2011 - 5:41pm
Losingedge wrote: There's
Losingedge wrote:

There's this one more important thing.. When I was so into gaming, every single second was so precious that I pushed everything else aside or some days felt useless because I had to do things which mattered. So I felt like it's waste of time and the day was ruined. NOW, I just live my life, day by day, doing "stuff" that matters, some are fun some just needs to be done and yet you feel this satisfaction I never felt before...

That is one more important thing, LE. Thank you.

Acceptance. When I am disturbed, it is because a person, place, thing, or situation is unacceptable to me. I find no serenity until I accept my life as being exactly the way it is meant to be. Nothing happens in God’s world by mistake.  Acknowledge the problem, but live the solution!

vesalian.prime
vesalian.prime's picture
Offline
Last seen: 2 years 10 months ago
OLGA member
Joined: 02/23/2012 - 11:50pm
Great to hear from you,

Great to hear from you, Losingedge ! Keep chiming in once in a while. It is awesome to hear from people who recover their lives like you. When I don't hear anything for a while I often asume the worst. It is great to be pleasantly surprised ;)

Cheers !

Perhaps a man who is worthy of the name should put aside this question of how long he will live ..., and turn his attention to this instead, to how he can live the best life possible in the time that is granted to him
Marcus Aurelius

Losingedge
Losingedge's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 1 month ago
OLGA member
Joined: 11/17/2012 - 4:50pm
Dear olganon community, It

Dear olganon community,

It has been a month gaming free already, thought I'd announce that. It doesn't seem much if I compare myself to the elite members here. But I think it's still worth mentioning it.

I'm writing here whenever I'd got time and if there are some noticeable changes - otherwise this wouldn't be really necessary.

First of all I'd like to thank every single one of you, -yes you- as if I'm supported even if it's the "passive digital" way, it's more than enough. If I didn't find this website and read some of the stories, from the beginning to the succesful end.

As to enjoyment of 'simple' things in life, I'm certainly not fully there yet but I feel I start to appreciate these things. Such as "quality time" with my family, etc... which I totally neglected before and thought of it as "time loss".
I've got rid of everything there is about gaming. I sold my xbox, uninstalled all of my games, deleted accounts, unsubscribed from all the gaming magazines and websites, threw away my collectible editions which was hard - since they've costed me quite a lot - and one of the most important things...

I collected pc games since I was 11/12 years old, just for "fun" and with the idea like: I'd show my future kid(s) what their 'dad' has been up to, just something like 'ancient relics' in original packaging and so on. I didn't think it had any impact on me, I thought it's just there on my shelves, doesn't hurt me. But when I decided to throw that all away... it was hard, it's like something was RIPPED out of me, I almost physically felt some pain. But after all, it felt like it was the CORE of my gaming, - it sounds ridiculous I know - like some 'last raiding boss' that has been defeated.

I felt much better after that and I think it's for the best, as for 'future dad' my kid(s) shouldn't see or hear anything about that pathetic guy with no life...wouldn't be a good example aswell.

Furthermore, my behavior changed like.. a LOT, such a great contrast. Even my girlfriend said so, I'm finally more mature and not some gaming kid stuck in 22 years old body, more manly and just more "fun" in general as she mentioned it.

There's also no more "easily irritated" person in me, I'm far more tolerable now, my anger is gone aswell, so in general my relationship improved so much now, no minor fights anymore, nothing of these pathetic bad things. Wonderful!

It's still hard to believe I thought I was "normal" with just a hobby, now that I've expierenced "greater me"- such as a 'Normal person'. I don't want to go back and I won't!
And in future, I'll keep an extra eye on addictions in general, for me and my future kid(s).

I wish the best to all of you, have a nice day!

vesalian.prime
vesalian.prime's picture
Offline
Last seen: 2 years 10 months ago
OLGA member
Joined: 02/23/2012 - 11:50pm
Good to hear you are

Good to hear you are abstaining from gaming, Losingedge.

Also good to hear you describe your feelings of loss when you threw away your collectible games. However silly it may seem, those feelings are real, your sense of loss is real. After all, you spent years being hooked into those games, probably more than with anybody in your early adulthood. Even if you never game again, this is part of what makes you the person you are today. And you may experience longing again. However firm your resolve, it is part of the nature of addiction to crave the thing that gets you high, to have flashbacks, to relapse.

I am not trying to bring you down. I just want to add a word of caution. Make sure you have a support system you can call if you feel the urge to game again. Come to a chat meeting, make connections. You may not need them now but you will later on, when your initial resolve fades a little. If you feel the need to game on the sly, come here. If you feel lonely, come here. Any bad feeling can drive you to gaming, because that is what it has so often done in the past. Come here and talk about it instead.

Good luck, and congratulations on your first month game free !

Perhaps a man who is worthy of the name should put aside this question of how long he will live ..., and turn his attention to this instead, to how he can live the best life possible in the time that is granted to him
Marcus Aurelius

Patria
Patria's picture
Offline
Last seen: 2 years 5 months ago
OLGA member
Joined: 06/02/2011 - 1:55am
Losingedge wrote: Dear
Losingedge wrote:

Dear olganon community,

It has been a month gaming free already, thought I'd announce that. It doesn't seem much if I compare myself to the elite members here. But I think it's still worth mentioning it.

Actually, a month off of gaming--even a day off of gaming--is extraordinary! Those first few days, weeks, and months are precious. Being able to sustain a month off gaming is awesome. Really.

I got game-free last year, but now my recovery has a momentum I didn't have that first month. The real accolades are for you; doing what you have to do, knowing you want it, but it's not quite comfortable yet.

Bravo to you, and yes, we'd love to hear more from you.

Allerseelen
Allerseelen's picture
Offline
Last seen: 4 months 3 weeks ago
OLGA member
Joined: 04/08/2012 - 8:34pm
Losingedge
Losingedge wrote:

Furthermore, my behavior changed like.. a LOT, such a great contrast. Even my girlfriend said so, I'm finally more mature and not some gaming kid stuck in 22 years old body, more manly and just more "fun" in general as she mentioned it.

There's also no more "easily irritated" person in me, I'm far more tolerable now, my anger is gone aswell, so in general my relationship improved so much now, no minor fights anymore, nothing of these pathetic bad things. Wonderful!

To me, what you describe here has been the greatest (and only somewhat expected) gift of getting clean. With gaming out of my life--that nasty, ignoble habit that I never felt comfortable telling anyone about--I suddenly have no more secrets to hide. Everything I do is above board, and I'm proud of all of it. Whether it's writing, reading good literature, exercising, getting lots of sleep, singing, playing piano, studying hard, following up on career opportunities, or seeing old friends, cutting gaming out of my life completely allowed me to be the man I always wanted to be. The price is steep, but I'm inordinately glad I'm paying it, bit by bit.

Taking Steps toward recovery since November 2, 2012. The difficulty of the path makes it worth the walking.

Losingedge
Losingedge's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 1 month ago
OLGA member
Joined: 11/17/2012 - 4:50pm
Dear Olganon

Dear Olganon community,

I feel it's my duty to report,... to give you a heads up. I haven't forgotten about you. Even though I did think of "ignoring my reporting". But Because I decided to take my first small steps into recovery, it was all thanks to other people's posting. So if just one person would read this and feel "inspired" or "supported", I contributed.

Here it goes, I'm not a writer so there won't always be some structure in my text, it's just me and my thoughts.

It has been officially a year and couple of weeks gaming free! And I feel greeeeeaaat! Who would have thought...one year changed so much. I'm 23 now, I FEEL like I'm 23...I'm a man now, no longer a kid out of control who only wanted to game and left alone in a dark room. Since I sold my xbox and got rid of my gaming rig, I used that money to invest elsewhere.

My journey began and... I learned a lot about myself: the reasons behind my gaming addiciton, interests, social skills,... And one of the cliche reason is "running away from the reality", in-game you can be anyone you want and when you felt slightly miserable, you just fall back into "made up character". You condition yourself to instant rewards, something you generally don't get in real life. So hang on to that! Everything you want comes to you in its proper time, just be patient.

Stop lying to yourself, stop convincing yourself...people want to hear what they Want to hear. I could convince anyone how wrong they were about me and my addiction but that included me...I unconsciously wanted to blind myself to the real threats because real life is "so hard", but it's not!

I learned things about myself such as...my real interests lie elsewhere, I like science and technology but...I'm not passionate about it to actually study it.. So I'm no longer an engineering student! But apparently I made myself believe, this is what I want for my future. I couldn't accept the future where I'm not in an engineering field. Yet...a lot of weight lifted off my shoulders, I felt free. I signed up for another field, which is management (finance). It's like totally opposite of what I wanted before and the community is also like the opposite...but I felt like "home".

I've developed strong interests in the financial world, more particularly investing. And that's what I did with my money from xbox, games, gaming rig,...I started to invest/trade, parallel to classes, why you ask? To have a backup-plan, and be prepared for the worst.

So I'm doing great, I feel like everyday I'm closer to my dream(s)! I love my girlfriend, we are still together (6 years since we started datong) and she helped me a lot to get through this. When I look back I feel I was so stupid to not travel when I could, going out when I could...my excuses were ridiculous... I've met a lot new people, we became friends, we go out a lot now, we party, we...Live.

What else hmmm, well every aspect of my life is just changed in a positive way. But this isn't where it all stops, I'll continue growing, it's something we all do or should be doing... And that's what we call "discomfort zone". When you get comfortable, you stopped growing (financially, spiritually, you name it).

I enjoy going to fancy parties, meeting new people, get in touch, explore business areas, buying things like non game related... Which I couldn't process before: buying cologne, clothes, watches, jewellery, diner, a haircut... seemed liked waste of money. I enjoy that now, a lot! I enjoy taking care of myself and look good every second of the day. I love wearing suits, I just can't stress it enough! I LOVE doing such things. If I became an engineer, I probably would be locked in a lab and "do math", figure of speech... ( no offence engineers/scientists, I admire your work, this is just an example for myself:) )

I can keep on going but I'll stop here, if you are interested or simply want some further explanation or more details... please feel free contact me(pm and/or ask for e-mail if necessary). I'll try to visit this website once in a while.

I want to thank the olganon members for creating this website and trying to help others. I thank those with their unique story and transformation, you inspired me and gave me that last push I needed to actually do something out it. Reading these stories really get to you and make you realise...you're not alone and this is a common issue.

If hardcore gaming is influencing your life in a bad way obviously, stop and just think for a minute... Is this what you are? Is this what you want to be? Maybe you don't even know yourself and live in this Illusion...of "we'll see where I end up.

Think big, dream big and make it happen!

Gettingalife
Offline
Last seen: 6 years 5 months ago
OLGA member
Joined: 12/11/2011 - 5:41pm
Congratulations on a full

Congratulations on a full YEAR free, Edge! What stands out to me is that you made changes! Substantial changes, especially the change of career path. OMG what misery to feel committed to work that doesn't fit and what joy to find work that does. Thanks so much for coming back round to let us know how you're doing. I'm so glad you're doing well.

Acceptance. When I am disturbed, it is because a person, place, thing, or situation is unacceptable to me. I find no serenity until I accept my life as being exactly the way it is meant to be. Nothing happens in God’s world by mistake.  Acknowledge the problem, but live the solution!

Maggie
Maggie's picture
Offline
Last seen: 2 years 4 months ago
OLGA member
Joined: 08/26/2013 - 6:59pm
Hi Losingedge, Thanks for

Hi Losingedge,

Thanks for sharing and congrats on the success! Reading your share gives me hope that everything will be ok even when I am an addict. Because of this gaming addiction, I found it very hard to make big decisions such as going back to school. I just don't know if I have the energy to do it anymore.

Hugs,

Maggie

It's good to have goals and dreams, but while you're waiting for things to change, waiting for promises to come to pass, don't be discontent with where you are. Learn to enjoy the season that you're in--Pastor Joel Osteen

LearningSerenity
Offline
Last seen: 5 years 7 months ago
OLGA member
Joined: 05/12/2013 - 8:47pm
CONGRATS! Some day I'll hit

CONGRATS! Some day I'll hit the year mark...I'm glad to hear that you've made it to that point, and keep it up. Thanks for sharing...

When you're going through hell...keep going. --Winston Churchill There is no pit so deep that God is not deeper still --Corrie ten Boom

Log in or register to post comments