"Detaching does not mean we don't care. It means we learn to love, care, and be involved without going crazy. We stop creating all this chaos in our minds and environments. When we are not anxiously and compulsively thrashing about, we become able to make good decisions about how to love people, and how to solve our problems. We become free to care and to love in ways that help others and don't hurt ourselves" ("Codependent no more and beyond codependency" -Melody Beattie)
These words help me in some way deal with a crazy obsession that I have which is gaming. It's been over 2 months of sobriety for me and it really does feel easier then it was before. When I would have a sudden or persisting urge to play, the best that has worked for me is practicing detachment. Getting rid of any feelings that would make my mind obsessively worry about how I played or what could result in if I played again is very helpful for me. I also make myself busy so I don't give myself a chance to think of the need to play.
My goal is to achieve detachment in a way that doesn't hurt me or others but helps me find instead peace and serenity.
Hugs,
Oksana
"We can suppress anger and aggression or act it out, either way making things worse for ourselves and others. Or we can practice patience: wait, experience the anger and investigate its nature" (Pema Chodron)
These words have been so incredibly valuable to me over the past two years, Oksana. It was a wonderful revelation for me that getting caught up in other people's drama did not equal my caring. Now, when I recognize chaos - and I recognize it more readily these days, thankfully -I know I have total "permission" from myself to excuse myself from it rather than wade in and get stuck in the mud of it. That is life changing.
Acceptance. When I am disturbed, it is because a person, place, thing, or situation is unacceptable to me. I find no serenity until I accept my life as being exactly the way it is meant to be. Nothing happens in God’s world by mistake. Acknowledge the problem, but live the solution!