grief made me game again.

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slaber
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grief made me game again.

Hello to all

I was almost making 2 years without gaming until my father had a stroke and i felt the urge to distract myself from the suffering.

My dad is on life support and in a coma and it's destroying my family. Me and my brother need to be the support my mom needs. My way for not taking the emotional hits is to play games.

I'm still doing my masters and i don't have pacience for anything. This is enduring almost 3 weeks now.

Don't know if i'm doing it right , cause i only feel a bit of happyness when i play. I'm not playing all the time since i'm in the hospital most of the day.

But i'm noticing my old me surfacing again...

I came to OLGA again since i don't know if i'm doing it right. I need advice. And i'm opened to suggestions.

Thank You

Regards to everyone

Slaber

I'm addicted but i don't want to!

wollfaden
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Hello Slaber, i can relate

Hello Slaber,

i can relate to your situation. My sister is disabled and my family spent many weeks in the hospital because of that. There's no doubt that I gamed more excessively when her conditions were very poor. If sometihing like this happens in a family, every member gets a spefic role. You choose to be the one to help your Mom. My suggestion is to open yourself up, tell your family that you are afraid too and that you need them as much as they need you. You do not need to be the strongest all the time, you can lean on the shoulders of your Mom and your Brother too. You are allowed to feel sad, and, that might be the most important thing: you are allowed to be angry at whoever you want to be angry. So you will take emotional hits, but don't forget that you probably deal out blows as well.

My suggestion is to talk open to your family. I did this too late ... but when I finally did my family eventually saw that I might act as the strong daughter, who can bear the sickness of her sister and can deal with it (meaning, i can talk openly about it, i don't break down when something bad happens but react rationally, smart and fast, i treat her like human being and not like a person who needs more help than others, sth like that) ... and I am also strong, but that sometimes the weight is too heavy and the only persons who CAN understand me, are my Mom and my Dad... because these are the only ones who have to deal with the exact same situation as I do. I tried to protect them from my emotions in earlier years and that is one reason why I started to game. But in the end, it even hurted the more because I was not as socially active / not as happy as they wished me to be.

So, try to not hide your emotions. They will come back to you at one time and they are going to hit you hard. If your Mom is not the one you want to open to, you might talk to your brother and make up plans. How you can share the burden. I also can recommend you to talk to the doctors and ask them, what experience they have with relatives of sick people, what they can recommend you.

Right now you think that your Mom is the only one who is allowed to be as angry, as sad, as exhausted as she is. But that's not true. You are allowed to feel like that too.

If you want to talk or something, you can write me a message. < 3 I wish you and your family all the best and hope that your father gets better soon. I am sorry that this happened to you.

Wolf

Maggie
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Hugs Slaber. Very sorry, it

Hugs Slaber. Very sorry, it must be very hard to go through the pain, but I think our loved ones need that from us, an ability to express our love. If I numb my pain with gaming, I would miss out the opportunity to express it in a healthy way with my family. Your father can still hear you even when he is in a coma. It is ok to cry, scream, be angry, sad, and then cry again. Let it all out. Sometimes our families need to know that without them our lives would never be the same. Sometimes the loved ones also want to know if it is ok for them to move on peacefully. A chance to say what we really feel would rest with us. Only the Lord knows if it is the time or not, but at least we do what we could. May God bless you and your family in this tough time.

Big hug,

Maggie

It's good to have goals and dreams, but while you're waiting for things to change, waiting for promises to come to pass, don't be discontent with where you are. Learn to enjoy the season that you're in--Pastor Joel Osteen

Silvertabby
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Hi slaber.  My mother had a

Hi slaber. My mother had a stroke while I was still in the midst of gaming. The first day in the hospital, I didn't game, but then after that I would set my game to play on auto (you could do that with the game I played) and I'd spend the day at the hospital, but still play in the mornings before I went to the hospital and at night when I came home (she was there for a week). The morning she passed away I wasn't there with her because I was on my game. This is a great regret to me. In addition, I don't feel that I went through the grieving process as I should have because I simply ran away from it into my game. Don't make the mistakes that I made. Be there for your dad. Be there for your mom. Don't hide away in your game to make yourself feel better. If you do, you may regret it as I do. The pain of grief is hard to bear, but I know for me, if I had it to do over, I would have rather have born it game-free than run away from it in my game. My prayers are with you.

 

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending. ~Maria Robinson

Patria
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My suggestion--as painful as

My suggestion--as painful as it can be--put down the games and be there for your family.

I gamed 8 years during a time my husband was alert, fairly active, and able to do more things but I was gaming too much and couldn't join him in activities.

When I quit games 2.6 years ago, he was getting sick and couldn't do as much as he used to.

I regret those 8 years of gaming when he was able to participate in life. And during those 2.6 years of recovery, he was getting sicker.

He died 8 months ago and I am able to say I was up front and present with him when he needed me. If I had gamed during those last months of his life, I would never ever be able to make amends for that. I was with him when he died, and I was able to show him how much I loved him.

Please be there for your family. You won't have any regrets if you can be there. If you game to relieve the short-term pain, I think you will regret it.

I'm sorry about your dad. Big hugs to you.

Gettingalife
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Yes, I'll chime in with the

Yes, I'll chime in with the others here and encourage you to be present and feel what you feel, Slaber. And come back here and blog away about what you're going through if it helps. Big hugs.

Acceptance. When I am disturbed, it is because a person, place, thing, or situation is unacceptable to me. I find no serenity until I accept my life as being exactly the way it is meant to be. Nothing happens in God’s world by mistake.  Acknowledge the problem, but live the solution!

slaber
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Hi there First of all, i'd

Hi there

First of all, i'd like thank you all for the encouragement you all gave me with your touching words.

My father passed away last 28th of December, one thing he didn't want me doing is gaming.

I intend to honor my father's memory , with your support and guidance, never touch a video game again.

The house overflowing with sadness and silence. It's more empty now...

When i have a glimpse of the urge to play a game i miss, i feel sadness inside, because i made him sad everytime he caught me playing a game or simply not studying for my Exams.

Yes, i feel guilty maybe if i had my life straight this woudn't have happened.

Once again i thank you all. This community deserves a 5 star rating.

Regards

Slaber

I'm addicted but i don't want to!

Maggie
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Big hugs Slaber. My

Big hugs Slaber. My condolenses to you and your family! I hope you got to spend the last moment with him.

It's good to have goals and dreams, but while you're waiting for things to change, waiting for promises to come to pass, don't be discontent with where you are. Learn to enjoy the season that you're in--Pastor Joel Osteen

Patria
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I am so sorry you lost your

I am so sorry you lost your father. Big hugs to you.

May Light
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Big Hugs slaber! I am sorry

Big Hugs slaber! I am sorry that you lost your father. Plaese don't feel guilty about the past. I think your decision of not playing any video games to honor your father's memory is the best way to move forward. Good luck in staying game free.

"The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past. You can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches." "The first step toward change is acceptance." "Once you accept yourself, you open the door to change. That's all you have to do." "Change is not something you do, it's something you allow."- Will Garcia

Tommi
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Hugs slaber! For many

Hugs slaber!

For many addicts using (gaming) is an attempt to escape from feeling emotions. If you were to do a 4th Step inventory you would find that most of the character defects we addicts need to look at are related to emotion: anger, fear, hate, envy, etc etc

Many of us (myself included) have never fully grown up to be able to deal with these in an adult fashion. We seek to escape. Emotions often trigger our relapses. It is therefore no surprise that this tradgedy triggered you to game.

I recommend you work the 12 Steps with a sponsor. There is no better way that I know of to obtain freedom.

Blessings

Olga/non member since Dec. 2008 Check out my latest video on Gaming Addiction and public awareness https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-6JZLnQ29o

Exavatar
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Oh no...I just read this

Oh no...I just read this thread. I'm so sorry for your loss. :( Big hugs.

"Even when you think it's about you, it's not about you." Dr. Bill

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