I took an unreasonably long walk today, and had myself a revelation about my gaming habit. I've always had ugly feelings, resentments, uncertainties, and unconfidences as long as I can remember. I have not been very comfortable in my own skin. Now, I have been telling people that I've been numbing out my feelings with games. I logically know it to be true, but until now I did not really understand it. The games were an oasis for me. No matter what ugly feelings or situation I was experiencing, I had a pleasant distraction waiting for me. Nothing in my real life impacted the game, and vice versa. Also, I could conjure my oasis at a moment's notice, on my phone, or laptop or whatever. I was an equal opportunity gamer, and the internet supplied an infinite number of games to provide novelty.
I'm having a hard time now because now I'm just "me". I can't turn on a game and become someone else for a little while. I've got some major issues going on at the moment, and it's like there's no release. No escape. If I could just take a break somehow, maybe I could recover just enough to start to get on top of things.
So, I'm thinking that I need to find a new oasis. A healthy, positive, and/or productive activity that I can focus on. Cycling was fitting this bill somewhat, but now it's cold. Am I being reasonable, or is my Addict Brain leading me into a trap?