My Recovery Thread

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citizenkain
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My Recovery Thread

DAY 1
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As of today, I've decided to start a road to recovery for gaming... I know it won't be fun, for the first few weeks, but it will pay off. I'm sick of walking around, in a zombie like status, thinking of some virtual world and virtual monsters that I need to kill. It's going to stop. So, this thread might be a lot of non-sense to you guys but it will help me immensely. I'm going to put all of my thoughts into this thread and look back at it after a month of not playing any games. At that point, I'll decide if I can return to casual game playing or not.

I was reading here that there may be various reasons that people become emersed in games like this, but I don't think that any of them are reasons which are applicable to me. I think I lost focus of my life, lost view of the goals which I wished to accomplish in my REAL life. I came across something new and exciting with obviously attainable goals. Get level 50, get that sword, kill this monster, etc. It seemed to just spiral and get out of control. I believe I can get to the point where I can return to casually gaming, but I'll need to not let it get out of control again.

As I stated in another thread here, my first step is to tell my fiance about everything. She is asleep right now, but when the oppertunity comes tomorrow she will be reading all of this. I'll need her support and encouragement.

At the same time, I don't feel that it is nessicary to destroy things that I have paid for. I'm not going to destroy my games, nor delete them off my computer. I have the willpower to completely stop playing the games, while they are still being available. I will, however, not play any games for the next month. Most things, in a controlled mannor, are not detrimentral towards oneself. I realize that I can play a game, for a few hours a week, without it affecting me. I also realize that I cannot play a game for 10+ hours per day with it not affecting me.

Now, most importantly, are the reasons of why I need to do this. I want to make a difference in someone's life, I want to be a teacher. With the grades I am getting at this point, I won't be able to teach anything. My grades are beyond pathetic and I don't know whether they are going to get better this quarter or not. The quarter is almost over and I am going to try my hardest, but I may have dug a hole that is too deep to get out of at this point. So, reason number one to quit is because I want to become a teacher.

Secondly, I'm missing so much of real life. My brother and his wife are going to be having a baby ANY day now, and to be honest I can't remember the day when they told me they were pregant. I was probably too involved with a game to care. I don't want to be like that anymore. I want to remember their childs birth, the first time I see her, etc. My fiance and I are making wedding plans... I don't want to be looking at wedding cakes and be mentally somewhere else, in a fantasy world. There is too much going on in the real world to be that involved with a fantasy world.

Lastly, I can spend endless amounts of time in this fantasy world... and I haven't improved myself at all. Or, I could spend that time doing something productive in the real world. My fiance bought me a guitar about 2 years ago and I really have no idea how to play one. If I would have only put half of that time into playing a guitar...

It's 4:11am right now and I'm at work. Already my head fills much less cloudy and I'm starting to think more clearly. FFXI isn't on my mind right now, I'm just focusing on this. This is the last week of class, tomorrow is my last day of Econ 201. This week I'll be very busy, with preparing for finals so I don't think it will be difficult not to play any games. The difficult week will be the week after finals, when I will not be working or have class. After that, the new quarter will start and I'll begin some more teaching courses.

3 hours of work are left, and I'm not sure what I want to do with the time. Already I have thought about going to allakhazam and wasting some time looking at FFXI stuff, or going to a flash gaming website and wasting time there. Instead, I'm going to get out some homework and start working on that after I'm done with this post.

So, this is where I stand. I have my reasons, some goals and some random thoughts. I'll post again tomorrow about how I feel and how the day went.

anonymous (not verified)
Re: My Recovery Thread

Quote:So, this thread might be a lot of non-sense to you guys but it will help me immensely.Maybe you do not realize it yet, but with your posts you do an immense contribution to other people here.

It always helps to be reminded of the bad sides of playing too much.
Quote:My fiance bought me a guitar about 2 years ago and I really have no idea how to play one. If I would have only put half of that time into playing a guitar..
I have a guitar too and have had lotA's of fun with it lately. For me, it is very rewarding to have friends over and to have everyone sing while I am singing and playing.

The only thing almost missing then, is the crackling of a campfire and the stars over our heads.

Will be following your progress.

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What you think, you create. What you say, you produce. What you do, you call forth more of.

citizenkain
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Re: My Recovery Thread

Well, this will not be as simple as I thought.

I'm still at work (3rd shift sucks) and I've got everything done for the night. It is only 5:43am, so I have about another 2 hours to go. Already, I've had thoughts like "Hey, lemme pull up the Allakhazam page real quick..." and "I should go play a flash game." It hasn't even been a day yet and I'm already struggling. The toughest part of all of this, will be getting my brain used to not being entertained all the time. Sitting and enjoying a calming moment, or actually focusing on what I am doing. It has been a long, long time since I have done something and truely focused on just doing that.

Even now, I find my thoughts floating to FFXI... trying to figure out how I can trick myself into playing it tomorrow. How I can rationalize getting some playtime, because I really want to level a certain job. I think my last resort will be to simply shut down my computer, and not to let it be on unless I am using it specifically for something.

I do have a checklist of stuff I want to get done tomorrow, which should help keep me a little bit busy. I need to start studying for my exams (3 of them next week ), do some dishes and sort my laundry. If I get all of that done, it will have been a nice busy day so I can take the night off and spend some time with the fiance. Maybe we'll just kick back and watch a movie.

I am excited to get back into my old state of mind, but at the same time my mind keeps trying to pull me back into the virtual world and my old state of mind. It will be difficult, but I am ready to give REAL life 100%.

anonymous (not verified)
Re: My Recovery Thread

I can see you are still on this site, reading. This is probably the best thing to do right now. Sharing the pain, that other people express, reminds us of our own, which we are not always ready to admit. Stay as honest with you and others as you are right now, and everything will be well.

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What you think, you create. What you say, you produce. What you do, you call forth more of.

citizenkain
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Last seen: 16 years 4 weeks ago
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Joined: 03/08/2006 - 1:21am
Day 1.5

Today has been well, thus far. I woke up and took a shower (shaved for the first time in a few weeks) and have done some chores around the aparement that I've been negalecting. It's amazing how messy things can get.

To be honest, I have had thoughts of playing. What would 30 minutes hurt, after all? I even thought, hey... one last gaming marathon for today and I'll start tomorrow! Or I could just play more, and forget I ever found this site. But then I remembered this post, remembered my reasons why this HAS to stop and quickly pushed it out of my mind.

As I've seen Liz say, I can play tomorrow. For now, back to some chores.

citizenkain
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Last seen: 16 years 4 weeks ago
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Day 2, A New Perspective

I got through Day 1 successfully, but I've also decided to change around my plan... just a bit. I know that I can casually game, that's not a question. I've done it before and I'll be able to do it again. So to me, the battle will be controlling how much I play. So, instead of completely shutting myself off from gaming I'm going to take a different aprroach. I'm giving myself a limited amount of playtime per week (right now, that number is still undecided. Definately less than 20 hours, more than 5.) and I'll be monitoring the amount of playtime very closely. Visiting websites about games I'm including as "playtime." The list of my playtime for the week is right underneath my keyboard, so its very visible. Right now, I'm leaning towards about 15 hours a week. The biggest part, for me, is to not be distracted by the game while I'm trying to do other things. It cannot take prescedence in my life, but it can be something fun I do in my spare time.

It's worked pretty well. Woke up today, cleaned up a bit... then played FFXI for the 2 hours that I limited myself to for today. When I was done with those 2 hours, I logged off and got some homework done. Right now, I'm updating this... but soon I'll go finish up the dishes I started tomorrow and take a shower. Then it will be a short nap to get ready for work.

anonymous (not verified)
Re: Day 2, A New Perspective

15 hours sounds ok. Stay here and tell us how it will work out. If I might suggest, always ask yourself before gaming: "did I do everything that I wanted to do for today?"

Wish you luck to stick to it. God knows, I have tried

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What you think, you create. What you say, you produce. What you do, you call forth more of.

lizwool
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Joined: 06/27/2002 - 1:13am
Re: Day 2, A New Perspective

What are you doing now?

Instead of going back to your habit of gaming, you can always get to know yourself, and find something else you like to do.

How do you do that?

Think about thinks you want to do with your life, and start writing them down.

Think of things you like to do, and write them down. Find your gifts. What did you like to do as a youngster?

You can even write them here, if you would like.

Liz

Liz Woolley

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