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terindas
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new to the program

I guess I should start at the beginning. Ive been playing games vor almost 30 years now starting with atari. My first reL mmo was WOW where I actually met my wife. We played heavily for about 4 years until we decided it was ruining our lives. So we stopped gaming for the last few years.

So imet up with a old friends a couple months ago and gave in to peer presure and started playing Tera. I started spending money on the game like it was water. The more I spentthe easier it was to keep spending. The major problem is I didnt teell my wife that I was playing or spending money on it. She found out from a bank statement and called the number on it. Well needless to say it caused more problems becuse I not only lied but was hiding it from her.

Well that was two days ago now and I havent played a game of any kind since. I uninstalled the game from my computer and am selling it and going to a communal laptop with. I feel exhausted and still have urges and know I will be having them for a while. I also attended my first meeting last nite, I did not speak out cause im still embarassed about what ive done. Tonite I will be attending another nightly meeting and will be speaking out.

I dont like the man ive become and I want5o be the husband she deserves so im here seeking the help and suport of other who have already lived threw tough times.

Maggie
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Hi Terindas, Welcome to

Hi Terindas,

Welcome to Olga! you are not alone and I could relates to what you were saying about the person who you became. In my culture, I was not considered a smart cookie unless I learned how to lie well. I know how to lie but I personally chose to do that because it was going against my conscience and I felt really bad afterward. I tried to be honest as much as I could and this often made me feel really good.

As for the game, I had broken a promise that I intended to keep a while back and I hided it from my husband because I wanted to play my favorite game. This game was so intriguing that I was willing to break a promise and started to go downhill again. To be honest, I did not remember the downhill trend before I started the game again, all I could think of was how much fun it was and the game would keep me company while my husband was away from me. I also hided about my feeling for another man after that because I did not want to hurt my husband all again because I knew he would not be able to handle something like this. He was already in bad shape the first time I fell in love with someone in the game a couple years ago. I really hated myself for falling in love with another person again but I could not help it. I had no control over this kind of feeling and I would pray daily that the lord would help me doing the right thing for my loved one and my family. I was not proud of whom I had become because that was not me. The game changed who I am as a real person.

I am glad you have taken the first step to recovery, I found the daily Olga meeting very helpful in my recovery. I rarely missed the meeting in the first 30 days and the program works if you work it. I also created a personal blog to share with newcomers, and I hope you will find it helpful.

http://olganon.org/?q=node/41941

Hugs,

Maggie

It's good to have goals and dreams, but while you're waiting for things to change, waiting for promises to come to pass, don't be discontent with where you are. Learn to enjoy the season that you're in--Pastor Joel Osteen

dan1
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terindas wrote: .... I feel
terindas wrote:

....

I feel exhausted and still have urges and know I will be having them for a while. I also attended my first meeting last nite, I did not speak out cause im still embarassed about what ive done. Tonite I will be attending another nightly meeting and will be speaking out.

I dont like the man ive become and I want5o be the husband she deserves so im here seeking the help and suport of other who have already lived threw tough times.

Welcome to OLGA! I'm glad you made it to the meeting. As for being embarrassed, me too. It's hard to recover from addiction, and the thing that I'm trying to keep in mind is that it takes time. I'm making progress little by little.

If you've gone to another meeting, then you know by now that you are among friends here, and you can share your story without worrying that we will judge you. We have done similar things.

I look forward to seeing you at the meeting again soon. Best wishes.

I am a recovering computer game and gambling addict. My recovery birthday: On May 6, 2012 I quit games and began working a program of recovery through OLGA No computer games or slot games for me since December 12, 2012. No solitaire games with real cards since June 2013.

LearningSerenity
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Welcome to OLGA, Terindas. 

Welcome to OLGA, Terindas. From what you've shared of your story here, OLGA definitely has a bunch of people who can relate to what you're talking about. Keep coming to meetings, and go right ahead and share, even if the truth of what's going on isn't pretty. My addiction hasn't (yet) cost me anywhere near as much as some of the people here, but I haven't yet heard anybody share something about his/her addiction that I can honestly say "I'd never do that" about. I've already done several things I thought I would never do, so I'm done drawing lines in the sand and saying "I'll never do that either"...willpower didn't cut it for me, so I'm done wasting time and energy on trying to pretend that it will.

I look forward to seeing more of you around the site. Hugs...

When you're going through hell...keep going. --Winston Churchill There is no pit so deep that God is not deeper still --Corrie ten Boom

terindas
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So im still having issues.

So im still having issues. Im not gaming anymore but I lied to my wife about making posts and I dont know why. Is was a stupid idiotic thing to do. I still have a long way to go......

LearningSerenity
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I've yet to meet an addict

I've yet to meet an addict who didn't have a long way to go when he/she was first starting out in recovery, so no need to worry about the fact that you've got a long way to go at this point. An idea that might help is just to think about "the next right thing." Once I've done something, I can no longer undo it. I can, if I need to, go back and apologize for it, but I can't undo it. Since I can't undo it, what I find most helpful is to simply accept that I did it (no matter how much I wish I hadn't done it), and that I am now free to make a different choice in the present moment.

This wasn't (and isn't) something I have found to be much of a challenge for me yet, but you aren't the only one I know who caught himself telling lies about things that didn't make much logical sense to lie about right after starting to get help. Beating yourself up about it won't help any, so I hope you'll be able to let go quickly. Hugs...

When you're going through hell...keep going. --Winston Churchill There is no pit so deep that God is not deeper still --Corrie ten Boom

dan1
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One day I was hiking in high

One day I was hiking in high mountains (much less oxygen) with a couple of buddies. We hiked 8 miles way up and way down and then were going way up again--far above treeline. It began to snow, wind blowing, etc. One of my friends (he was a shorter, thin fellow) got incredibly tired (we were all hurting). He started counting steps. He figured he could do 100 steps at a time. He would count 100, and then rest. At the end, he got down to 50 steps, then rest. It was really tough.

We stayed with him, of course. Nobody said, well I can keep going, so I'm outta here. We just stopped with him, and started again when he was ready. We said, come on, you can do a few steps, man. Just encouragement. We didn't blame him for being smaller, for being tired. We were regretful that we hadn't stopped earlier, but we had to accept that and keep going.

12 miles into the forest, 12 miles out. One step at a time. We'll stay with you.

I am a recovering computer game and gambling addict. My recovery birthday: On May 6, 2012 I quit games and began working a program of recovery through OLGA No computer games or slot games for me since December 12, 2012. No solitaire games with real cards since June 2013.

Gettingalife
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I LOVE that, Dan! Thanks for

I LOVE that, Dan! Thanks for sharing.

Acceptance. When I am disturbed, it is because a person, place, thing, or situation is unacceptable to me. I find no serenity until I accept my life as being exactly the way it is meant to be. Nothing happens in God’s world by mistake.  Acknowledge the problem, but live the solution!

Patria
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Wow Dan! that is incredible

Wow Dan! that is incredible and I loved it!

terindas
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Thanks for the replies all

Thanks for the replies all im getting better at posting and offering help threw service as well as learning from others. It is really hard to put yourself out there face to face or on here.

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