Progress Report from Not so Hopeless :)

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HopelessCase
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Progress Report from Not so Hopeless :)

It's been two and a half weeks since I made the decision to leave Second Life. Thanks to the people on this forum, I don't feel so alone.

There's been two main things to tackle. First one is that I used to derive an income from SL. I'd been on it for 8 years and my income came from the creative things for avatars I produced. During that time I'd learned how to use various graphics programs like Blender, Maya, Photoshop and PaintshopPro in order to produce the avatar clothing, skins and shapes that were popular. I came to the conclusiong that the time I have spent on learning these programs (a couple of them are pirate copies because there's no way I could afford them otherwise) and the experience I have gained must be of advantage in seeking a job in real life. So I started to look in that direction.

The place I live is an unemployment backspot. It used to be a mining area but since the depression of the 1970s in that industry, all that finished. Very difficult to obtain employment and even the jobs like shelf stacking in a supermarket, for instance, are highly sought after. Often it's the people you know and the people you butter up that have a bearing on gaining employment! Anyway, I went to an employment agency and found a really good agent to help me find work. She found a company three counties away from me but that allowed me to work from home producing animated and static graphics for their website which is continually reviewed and updated according to their clients. They also get me to produce graphic models for some of their clients in Maya such as ideas for furniture and decor. I was amazed! It's very part-time work at the moment (and I think that's why it was available) but it earns me three times as much as anything in Second Life ever did. It also doesn't take up anywhere near the time. I feel really blessed for getting this job and am hoping that they will give me more work as their company progresses.

The personal part of my SL problem has been much harder to deal with and so I am still going into SL for that sorry to say. It's much less frequent, though. Much less. And it's only been 2 and a half weeks, I suppose! Miracles don't happen overnight. I am sitting in the lounge during some of the evenings now, conversing with my husband and watching TV. I am not really into knitting but I bought a couple of general crafting magazines to see what I might take up.

I also realise that I have very little social life in real life and so I must begin to tackle that next. I don't even talk to my neighbours so I'll start there.

<3 Hopeless

Silvertabby
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Wow, hopeless, that's

Wow, hopeless, that's awesome that you were able to find work in graphic design! Congratulations. As far as still going back into your game, that may end up becoming a snare to you in the future. When we're addicted, gaming is an all or nothing deal. I know for myself, it certainly is. Once I game, it wants to take over my life. I hope you can find something in real life to replace that need you feel that you still have for the game. But it sounds like you are making some great progress. Keep it up!

 

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending. ~Maria Robinson

terindas
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CLAPS.  Congrats on your

CLAPS. Congrats on your choice to remove yourself from your addiction. I hope to see you at some of the evening meetings. Keep strong and keep posting it really does help.

LearningSerenity
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Really happy for you finding

Really happy for you finding a graphic design job, HC. I'm definitely with Silver on the gaming thing though...I couldn't possibly dabble in my games from time to time, however much I might want to. Building a life outside of the game isn't going to happen immediately, but starting by getting to know your neighbors sounds good to me... :)

When you're going through hell...keep going. --Winston Churchill There is no pit so deep that God is not deeper still --Corrie ten Boom

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Awesome to hear about that

Awesome to hear about that job, Hopeless! Even in areas not so hard hit it's hard, so kudos to you for finding something that suits your talents and that pays decently. As for the other part of it, knowing you have a desire to stop is a good thing. I just worry about you continually being there for other reasons. It definitely has a way of seeping into one's psyche and convincing one to stay. Personally, I can't go in there because if I do, I'll go in more and more. It won't happen right away, but it will once again slowly draw me in. That's how that game works. Very sneaky of them to design something like this actually.

I'd like to point out that you started by saying you've decided to leave SL, but at the end of your post you said you're still there. Please know that I've done this too...said things that contradict each other to support my addiction. We addicts do that. Just note what you said. You really haven't left yet, but I hope you do soon! Hugs

"Even when you think it's about you, it's not about you." Dr. Bill

Maggie
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Hi Hopeless, Congrats on the

Hi Hopeless,

Congrats on the job! We are here for you if you decide to quit SL and want to get better but until then the boat is still rocking against the upcoming storm. You need to change the direction in order to avoid the storm effect. You are the captain of the boat, you have to guide the way. We are just passengers riding along and cheer you up when you are lost but you the one who has to do it. I hope that makes sense. Gaming addicts can not moderate period; otherwise they would not be addicts.

Hugs,

Maggie

It's good to have goals and dreams, but while you're waiting for things to change, waiting for promises to come to pass, don't be discontent with where you are. Learn to enjoy the season that you're in--Pastor Joel Osteen

HopelessCase
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Thanks for your

Thanks for your comments!

Yes, you're right, I was still doing SL in a moderate way and trying to justify it.

Last night I went into that place for the final time, wished all my friends a Happy Christmas, then deleted my account. I had no alts to delete. Then I deleted my flickr and my blog. Then I closed (as far as you can) my SL email so nobody could contact me. All gone. After that I shut myself in the bathroom, got into the shower and cried for an hour. So much for self indulgence. Let's see how I get on. Maybe I can be satisfied with romance novels. No, I'm not going to be a doormat any longer. I should insist my husband goes to counselling with me to see what his asinine problem is.

I really hate this life sometimes. You enter it as an innocent child and then people who have no idea about the rightness of their actions fill your head with all sorts of expectations, light the fuse and stand back. Then you go looking for all the things they tell you are your human rights to achieve such as a fulfilling marriage, children, a nice home, a good job. You're fortunate if you manage one of them! We should have had more help at school and home to tell us what really happens out there. It's no wonder we try all the routes of escapism. It's no wonder.

LearningSerenity
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Hugs, HC.  One of the

Hugs, HC. One of the things that addiction does to us is it makes us feel about the game much the same way as we would feel about a close friend or even a lover. If you think about this as you having just broken up with your best friend, the tears and the feeling really raw might make a lot more sense. You've just been through a traumatic experience, so please feel free to be extra nice to yourself (in real life) for the next few days. Big hugs, and kudos for being able to go through with it.

When I take steps to move myself further away from my games, I find that my AB sometimes tries to make me feel bad about things in life. When I feel bad, I want to go back to my games, and (sadly) my games aren't something that I can delete as such, but with a little bit of time to get over the shock of things, I generally find that life isn't as intolerable as it once looked. Take it easy on yourself, and see where things stand in a few days. Withdrawal can be rough, so don't be surprised if some of the withdrawal symptoms start to show up in the near future. Hugs...

When you're going through hell...keep going. --Winston Churchill There is no pit so deep that God is not deeper still --Corrie ten Boom

Silvertabby
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Congratulations, hopeless,

Congratulations, hopeless, on quitting your game and deleting your character. That's a huge step forward. And I know how hard it is. We become very attached to those avatars. They become a part of us and we don't want to let them go, but you've done it! Like LS said, withdrawals will be hard, but coming on Olga and reading posts, posting about what you're going through, encouraging others and going to meetings really helps. The support and encouragement you get here makes all the difference. I wish you all the best.

 

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending. ~Maria Robinson

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Yay!  Congratulations!!  I

Yay! Congratulations!! I totally know how hard it is to delete those avatars. I mourned mine for quite some time. I still have wistful feelings about her, but know what? Silver is right...they are a part of us. Once I realized that and internalized that thought, it felt ok to let the cartoon part go.

Good for you. What a great way to celebrate Christmas. We will be here for you!

"Even when you think it's about you, it's not about you." Dr. Bill

Maggie
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Congrats Hopeless, it takes

Congrats Hopeless, it takes lot of courage to quit the game. You did it! I have created a personal blog to share what has helped me in my recovery with newcomers, and I hope you will find it helpful.

http://olganon.org/?q=node/41941

Hugs,

Maggie

It's good to have goals and dreams, but while you're waiting for things to change, waiting for promises to come to pass, don't be discontent with where you are. Learn to enjoy the season that you're in--Pastor Joel Osteen

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