The recovery path of an atheist (22/05/2014)

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OGALloyd
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The recovery path of an atheist (22/05/2014)

Hello everyone. I've stopped playing on the 22nd of May, 2014. All my consoles and my own computer have been brought by me to a "safe place": I can't reach them, so I somehow forced me to avoid gaming. It appears to be a good idea to keep up a sort of diary here, where people like me, with my same problem can read it. I hope that my own experience can be useful for you, and viceversa. I'm an atheist and I'll try to follow the 12 principles for atheists and agnostics (http://www.olganon.org/?q=node/43600). Now I must go through the first step and I'd like to do it here, with this community to which I feel to belong. So, if it's not a problem for you all, here's my 1st step admission:

I have been powerless over gaming. I have been unable to put limits to the gaming time, to the intensity of gaming. I have been experiencing heavy, devastating sleep deprivation which caused me not to go to school or, when I managed to, I was completely unable to understand lessons and came to fall asleep in class. Despite this, I have been unable to respect time-setting I had given myself to avoid going to bed too late. I have been powerless over the unbearable need to play when under forced abstinence. I have been powerless over the feelings of anger towards my parents, who tried to separate me from my games, although I felt they were right and it was an act of love instead of hate. I have been unable to overcome the feeling that gaming was pleasurable, that it made me happier, that it was the right world to live into, even though I rationally thought that those were lies I told myself to justify my absurd behavior. I have been unable to follow the advices of my psychologist, friends and parents about reducing the hours spent playing or completely removing videogames, although I knew they all were right and I was wrong, and I started to hate them because they wanted me to leave my only source of pleasure and apparent happiness, and I acknowledge the absurdity and nonsense of this.

"Fear is the first of many foes". "Perseverance wins".
Definitely stopped playing on May 22, 2014.
My "higher power" is the fellowship.

benek
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Hello Valerio, Welcome to

Hello Valerio,

Welcome to OLGA, and thank you for sharing your step 1. I can relate to the powerlessness over gaming, and the fact that it has had many negative affects on my life, professionally, socially, and emotionally. I can also relate to all of the irrational and absurd messages the addict brain can provide in order to get what it wants.

Congratulations on a couple days game free! Quitting games is such a smart and important decision...and getting help with quitting, even better! It is pointless and unnecessary to try to quit by yourself, when there is so much help available.

OGALloyd
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Thank you benek for taking

Thank you benek for taking your time to reply. I feel better seeing I'm not alone, that I'm not the only one struggling with my addiction.

I'm looking for a sponsor, in order to work better. Two heads are better than one and I know I need help.

"Fear is the first of many foes". "Perseverance wins".
Definitely stopped playing on May 22, 2014.
My "higher power" is the fellowship.

benek
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Joined: 03/22/2014 - 4:20am
Finding a sponsor is a great

Finding a sponsor is a great idea. As far as I understand, working the 12 steps on your own, without guidance and support, is nearly impossible.

These are the ways I, and others, have used to find a sponsor on OLGA:

1. Ask an admin to make you an OLGA member. Something that often isn't very clear: when you register on the website, you do not automatically become a member. An admin needs to "promote" you...which, as far as I know, is done for everyone who asks. Off the top of my head, the current admins are Lizwool, Gettingalife, Silvertabby. Send any of them a PM and ask to become a member.

2. Once a member, you gain access to a few Members Only forums, including a forum called Get a Sponsor. You can post in that forum, telling a bit about yourself, and that you're looking for sponsor.

3. Attend meetings and spend some time in the chat room, making connections in the community, and also giving others a chance to get to know you. You might get a feeling for who has good recovery, and who can help you.

4. Send PMs to the people you encounter in meetings, or people whose forum posts resonate with you, and ask if they'd be willing to sponsor you.

Finding a sponsor is not an exact science, more of an organic process. You might go through a trial period with a couple people before you connect with a sponsor who feels right for you.

hirshthg
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benek wrote: Finding a
benek wrote:

Finding a sponsor is not an exact science, more of an organic process. You might go through a trial period with a couple people before you connect with a sponsor who feels right for you.

Very true.

leveling in steps, serenity, sponcys, sponsors, exercise, and sleep, (sanity has been downsized)
sober from all electronic games since 11/19/2010

OGALloyd
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During the last days I

During the last days I relapsed a bit. It was a reaction to the oncoming test at school: I've played a quite stupid browser game for a bunch of hours (3-4-5, depending on the day) each day. If I had reached something like League of Legends, I guess I would've played all day (and night) long. I passed the test with a great grade tho, and now I've been free since wednesday. However, I'll have a long series of tests in June and I'm afraid I could relapse again. I always react to tests with procrastination and hard gaming, which both provide the neglecting of study and sleep deprivation. I'm scared, it seems so hard. I also fail to admit that I, for the rest of my life, won't be able to play videogames normally, without exceeding...

"Fear is the first of many foes". "Perseverance wins".
Definitely stopped playing on May 22, 2014.
My "higher power" is the fellowship.

benek
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Last seen: 6 years 7 months ago
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Joined: 03/22/2014 - 4:20am
Hi Valerio, Congratulations

Hi Valerio,

Congratulations on your exam, and thank you for sharing about your relapse. I'm sorry to hear about that, but I'm glad the relapse wasn't as severe as it could have been, and that after a few days you want to try to live game-free again. Progress not perfection.

I also don't like to think about being an addict, and that I will most likely never be able to moderate my gaming. But the better my life gets without gaming, the less I care about that. Instead of feeling overwhelmed about my whole life, I find that it's better to just take one day at a time.

I think it's good to be able to predict a difficult period, and make a plan on how to deal with it. Maybe even write it down. Schedule study time, and break time, and have a list of ideas on what to do with the break time. And an emergency plan if you catch yourself starting to game: come to OLGA, connect with a member on skype, etc. You might want to pencil in study breaks for OLGA meetings :) You don't want to relapse big-time. It's no way to live.

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