Hello everyone. I've stopped playing on the 22nd of May, 2014. All my consoles and my own computer have been brought by me to a "safe place": I can't reach them, so I somehow forced me to avoid gaming. It appears to be a good idea to keep up a sort of diary here, where people like me, with my same problem can read it. I hope that my own experience can be useful for you, and viceversa. I'm an atheist and I'll try to follow the 12 principles for atheists and agnostics (http://www.olganon.org/?q=node/43600). Now I must go through the first step and I'd like to do it here, with this community to which I feel to belong. So, if it's not a problem for you all, here's my 1st step admission:
I have been powerless over gaming. I have been unable to put limits to the gaming time, to the intensity of gaming. I have been experiencing heavy, devastating sleep deprivation which caused me not to go to school or, when I managed to, I was completely unable to understand lessons and came to fall asleep in class. Despite this, I have been unable to respect time-setting I had given myself to avoid going to bed too late. I have been powerless over the unbearable need to play when under forced abstinence. I have been powerless over the feelings of anger towards my parents, who tried to separate me from my games, although I felt they were right and it was an act of love instead of hate. I have been unable to overcome the feeling that gaming was pleasurable, that it made me happier, that it was the right world to live into, even though I rationally thought that those were lies I told myself to justify my absurd behavior. I have been unable to follow the advices of my psychologist, friends and parents about reducing the hours spent playing or completely removing videogames, although I knew they all were right and I was wrong, and I started to hate them because they wanted me to leave my only source of pleasure and apparent happiness, and I acknowledge the absurdity and nonsense of this.
"Fear is the first of many foes". "Perseverance wins".
Definitely stopped playing on May 22, 2014.
My "higher power" is the fellowship.