Scared of Myself

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thelonelyexgamer
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Last seen: 6 years 7 months ago
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Joined: 05/02/2014 - 5:56am
Scared of Myself

I am 10 days free of gaming.

I'm still struggling to get my life in place. When I quit gaming, I jump to food and tv. I have to many bad habits and its hard to quit them all.

Today, I order a game system and multiple games, even though I don't have much in my bank account. I told myself I just gonna play again. I researched on which system and games to buy for 3 hours. When I submitted the order, I decided to redownload the games on my phone.

That's when I started to feel really guilty. I was willing to spent most of my money to throw away my commitment for a gaming-free lifestyle. I get it. Sometimes, I feel as ease. I felt free from gaming. However, usually when I'm on the computer I feel that there's not much difference between thee non-gaming and gaming lifestyle.

Lucky, I was able to cancel my order. However, I am shaking right now. I don't know what to do anymore. I quitted games, but I need to quit tv and fix my diet now. What other bad habits going to take control next? I'm tired of the struggle with addictions. I'm glad I don't like drinking alcohol alone or I might be an alcoholic. I also have a no gambling policy, because I'm afraid I might be hook on that too.

It feels like once I quit a habit, I go looking for another one. (In my cases, it is alway a bad habit). I'm afraid of my addictive lifestyle and I'm tired of struggling to change it.

I'm glad to say I'm still 10 days free, but I don't know how long I can last.

Thanks for reading.

benek
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Last seen: 6 years 7 months ago
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Joined: 03/22/2014 - 4:20am
Hi Lonely, Thanks for

Hi Lonely,

Thanks for sharing your experience with a near-relapse.

Great job on cancelling the order, and staying committed to a game-free life! It's such an important commitment. Cravings come, and cravings go. You have the choice not to succumb to the cravings, and you made the right choice.

When I get a craving, it's important for me to remind myself of all the damage gaming has done to my life. My addict brain has a selective memory: it only remembers the good times. It forgets all the hours of repetitive tedium, frustration with the game and other players, physical discomfort, loneliness, shame, and so on.

Coming to OLGA and posting instead is a great alternative when you have a craving. I often do something around the house: wash the dishes, do laundry, vacuum, clean the bathroom. Go for a walk.

I understand what you mean about it being difficult to change an addictive lifestyle. Try not to get overwhelmed by the project. Take it one day at a time. Baby steps. Attend OLGA meetings; connect with others in the fellowship and communicate every day; look into face-to-face meetings in your area; find a sponsor and work the steps; get a therapist. Don't worry about managing everything perfectly right now. TV is better than gaming. Stay focused on not gaming, and getting as much support as you can.

Lisa3333
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Last seen: 4 years 1 month ago
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Joined: 04/21/2014 - 3:03pm
Hi Lonely!  I had the same

Hi Lonely! I had the same thing happen to me at day 5 or 6. I can share I would not have been able to stay game free if not for coming to the 3pm and 9pm chat meetings and even just going in chat and talking to other addicts. Hope to see you in a meeting or chat!

Hugs, Lisa Video game free since 4/17/2014

operetta
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Last seen: 5 years 2 months ago
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Joined: 02/08/2011 - 9:56am
Hi Paul. Good for your for

Hi Paul. Good for your for catching yourself and cancelling the order! It's amazing how sneaky the addict brain is.

Keep going to daily meetings. And make a habit of calling another recovering gaming addict every day. That way it'll be easier to reach out and call someone when you're about to do something insane.

"She generally gave herself very good advice, (though she very seldom followed it)." --Lewis Carroll

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