1 Year without gaming: Crossroad

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Frank-Senpai
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1 Year without gaming: Crossroad

Hi everybody!

I created an account because I would like to share my feelings and to hear other people's opinions on my video game "situation".

I started playing videogames when I was 5 years old (my parents decided to buy me a computer instead of toys, I'm talking about 1995) and I spent practically all my childhood in a balance between playing outside with my friends and playing videogames. I do not remember any excesses during my childhood, although I thought about them a lot.

When I was 16, my parents sent me to a flat where I lived on my own during the week (my parents came on weekends to buy groceries and spend time with me) and during that period my parents almost divorced, I was very stressed about it and started playing Lineage 2 (a MMORPG), and this is the very first time I became addicted to videogames. I played for as many hours as I could (6-7 every day, since I lived "alone) and I almost didn't make it to university due to that.

I sort of regained control (sort of) and started university, where I hit rock bottom. I was a good for nothing, skipped almost all classes, but then I met my Sentimental Other, with whom I connected. I hurt her during the first years because at the moment I was playing World Of Warcraft and I often neglected her, until she stood up and told me to choose between video games or her.

Realising I had problems, I obviously chose her, deleted my WoW account and never played it anymore, and we went to live together shortly after. The problem was that I only substituted WoW for other games (HoN, which was a MOBA, then PS3, then Warframe, then PAYDAY 2...) and I still neglected her. Gaming was so embedded in me I often didn't realise that I HAD TO play every day for as much free time as I could.

Long story short, with the help of my SO I gradually reduced and reduced my gaming time (it was difficult for me and for her, I lied to her on many ocasions on gaming and I'm not proud about it) and I finally managed to grasp the complexity of my problem last august, when she found out that I tried to install a browser game at my office's computer (google chrome is synced). She talked to me (in a very supportive and helping way) and for the first time in my life I started NOT TO play video games.

I have spent a very nice and peaceful year and I am in love with my SO, but I am facing a difficult situation now. Due to my behaviour in the past (I had an attitude problem / addiction with videogames and I would lie about them in order to play more hours) my SO is very suspicious whenever an add pops up or I'm watching anything that resembles a videogame. I have comepletely stopped playing games, watching youtube streams, reading news, etc. Yet she cannot stop being suspicious and she dreads that once I start playing video games again I will revert to my older self.

I do not crave gaming (all my consoles are stored and haven't accessed my steam account since last august) and I had already decided that I would never touch online games again. I have a job and spend quality time with her, I have regained many of my old hobbies but I feel like I still like video games, and the idea of playing offline, pausable video games (such as skyrim, fallout or grand turismo 6) has often crossed my mind.

TL;DR On the one hand, she is edgy whenever video games are mentioned, she has always trusted me and believed in me and she never left my side, I want her to be happy. On the other hand she doesn't want me to play video games and at the same time she doesn't want me to sell my collection (which to be honest would break my heart). I am also afraid to revert to my old self, and after a year w/o gaming I am at a crossroad. What can I do?

Polga
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Thanks for sharing!

Thanks for sharing!

It would be good if you can have an honest conversation with your SO, where you both give each other space to say what you feel and the other listens; to talk  about her feelings and concerns about your previous actions and the pain she suffered when you ignored her and about the threat of you slipping back, and your feelings about gaming/slipping back and her trying to control your addiction now; perhaps do it though a therapist who understands addiction and can guide the communication and see the bigger picture.

 

As a parent, I would want to scream don't touch another electronic game ever, get rid of all the gaming stuff in your life, even your collection. Your addict brain is trying to rationlise ways for you to get hooked again. But it's up to you to work it out  what is right for you

You are very blessed to have this loving relationship. I hope things go well for you both.

 

 

INFO

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Online meetings gaming addicts click here

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Help for video game addicts click here

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Silvertabby
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Hi Frank and welcome to Olga.

Hi Frank and welcome to Olga.  When we are addicted to gaming, it's all or nothing for us.  We can never control our gaming.  If we game at all, it takes over our lives, as it sounds like it was doing for you.  In your post you said you have thoughts of playing the offline games again.  Games are games and, online or offline, they are still just as addictive.  After I quit gaming, I eventually got rid of all my gaming equipment and games.  It did take me awhile to reach the point where I was able to do that, but I did and it felt good after they were all out of the house.  I would encourage you to think about selling all your games and gaming equipment and perhaps with the money you make from them you could do something special with your SO.  It would show her that you're serious about not letting games get between your relationship with her ever again.  If you are truly addicted, you can never play them again anyway or you will end up right back where you were before.

Best of luck to you.

 

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending. ~Maria Robinson

Ritchy
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I used to be in a similar

I used to be in a similar situation.  I would swear off certain games, or all games, and really mean it, and my life would get better in some ways, and I'd have many good reasons to not risk compulsively gaming again, but a big part of me wanted to be able to play a few games here and there, in moderation and in ways that would not wreck my life.  So I'd have thoughts of gaming again, and how I could be very careful, and how I could only play certain games (like pause-able ones), and how I would quit again if it seemed to get out of control, and soon enough I was gaming again.  The compulsion and obsession would return within a few weeks and the vicious downward spiral would take over my life, and within a couple months my life was more chaotic and miserable as it had ever been.

I repeated this cycle many times, while I was trying to control or stop my gaming on my own.  I have escaped the vicious cycle by being actively involved in the fellowship of recovering gaming addicts, being reminded of the chain reaction that happens if I play one game, getting support and guidance from people who've been there before, and being accountable to people who very much care about whether I stay off games and improve my life.  I highly recommend coming to some voice meetings and listening.

http://www.olganon.org/forum/line-meetings-message-board/all-online-meetings-computervideo-gaming-addicts

You will likely find, as I did, that the nagging voice that wants to go back to games so badly loses its control over you when you're part of a larger group who recognize that voice for what it is and know how to deal with it.

wazzapp
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Welcome to Olga, thanks for

Welcome to Olga, thanks for sharing your story and milestones. It's always nice to hear new perspectives and experiences.

Keep coming back!

See u!

Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3

 

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