David's Story

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davebrown1985
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Joined: 07/09/2015 - 10:38am
David's Story

Hi everyone my name is David and I am a recovering video game addict and sex addict from Upstate New York. I debated putting in the second addiction but I feel like it is essential to my story. I have been free of gaming for almost 11 months but have been having a lot of cravings lately so I wanted to share here and get into another recovery community. Anyway my story starts as thus:

I have been gaming since I was a little over 4 years old if I remember correctly. From the time I got a Game Boy for my first birthday, I was hooked on gaming. It started out small from what I remember. I vaguely have memories of playing with my cousins outside or visiting family and stuff like that, but I could more easily tell you about the games I remember playing above all else. I would game for the next 25 or so years from that point. During this time I would play any console I could get my hands on. When I was old enough to have a job I would spend most if not all of my money on gaming. I had to have the newest console and the best games (even if I didn't play them). In fact I had many games still sealed or never played because I "had to collect them".

My real problems began a little over 3 years ago. I was getting into recovery for sex addiction, a problem I dealt with since I was around 12. I did the recovery thing in that program and gained about a year and a half. The problem was that when I wasn't acting out by looking at pornography I was gaming. I had an xbox 360 and I remember days where I would say I have 10 minutes before I have to leave for work to be on time and then would catch myself gaming 10-15 minutes after I had to leave thus having to rush to work and being late many MANY times. I told my wife that I wanted to get a PS4 (which has a web browser) and I had a Wii U. When I got to about a year and a half I found myself wasting time on any kind of website I could. This in combination with a bunch of other issues led to me being fired from a decent job after 3 years.

During my time laid off my wife just gave birth to our second child. I promised I would help at night so she could sleep. Well what I did was either game all night on the consoles on my smart phone or on the consoles. If I wasn't gaming I was using all of the above to watch porn. So in essence two issues in one. I reviewed games on the side and kept doing so even when my wife said she didn't want me doing it anymore. When she found one of my emails she asked about it and I admitted to doing the gaming thing on the side and watching porn. That night my PS4 was thrown across the room, my Wii U was thrown and my wife almost left. That was a little over 10 months ago.

She gave me the choice to give up the games and the smart phone and to be on a content blocker on our shared laptop. I started to sell all of my gaming stuff on eBay earning somewhere around $3000 after I was done which helped us get through when I wasn't working. I got into SAA and started doing daily meetings concerning my sex addiction. As I was selling the games I realized that I was having a lot of anxiety. These games were my life. After whitling then down I realized that I had a lot more free time. I also had the misfortune of discovering my emotions for the first time in 25 or so years, which has really strained my marriage further.

I wanted to post here because I still find myself watching gaming videos on YouTube and the other day I was waiting in the car with my children while my wife was shopping in a store next to a GameStop. I wanted so bad to go in and buy something. I longed to play. I know I have a problem because not only did all of the above make me realize I had issues, I was trying to sell some old gaming magazines that I saved and realized that I had stored at least 1000 or more at my mother's house. I am still trying to get rid of these so we can live a little easier. I do have a job that I love and I am still sober, but I know I need the help of sex addicts and gaming addicts to keep this sobriety and live a life in recovery.

Thank you all for listening to me and I do apologize for any triggers and or breaks in my explanation. I want to keep this sobriety and keep fighting every day for the rest of my life. One day at a time I can do this!

Trying this one day at a time

Silvertabby
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Joined: 11/23/2010 - 4:42pm
Hi David and welcome to Olga.

Hi David and welcome to Olga.  Congratulations on 11 months of being game free.  That's awesome!  What has helped me is going to meetings and connecting with other gaming addicts.  We can't do this alone nor do we have to.  I would encourage you to attend meetings if you can.  They really help.  Hope to see you at some.  

 

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending. ~Maria Robinson

Tommy B
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Last seen: 8 years 2 months ago
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Joined: 12/23/2015 - 1:33am
Being Game Free

Congratulations on nearly a year of video game free life. It's great that you saw your wives desperation and made the choice you did. Video games can't take care of you who you're sick, hold your hand in the dark, or kiss you goodnight. Losing those things are much harder to handle than losing video gaming. The deck is stacked against us, online gaming is designed to tap into your brain and hook you. I admire anyone who can quit cold turkey, keep with It. Live in the now, live in reality.

Tommy B

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