Ok so a couple of days ago I decided enough is enough. I am tired of thinking how nice it would be to read a book. "I'm going to read a book tomorrow," my thoughts... amongst other things I would love to do. But then I would wake up and push all those nice ideas away, and jump in the game. Or when I knew I was ready for a break. I'm taking a break tomorrow.. a week later, still haven't taken that break.
I started out emotional about doing this. Because I tried a few years back. I was three months free of gaming, but then I gave in. And my so-called moderation, I had planned out turned into several hours a day. So I am pretty afraid I might give in again. BUT after some talking and deep thought, I realized where this addiction started and why.
I've had this addiction for 20 years.... And it started from being in a very controlling relationship. I was with this person for ten years off and on. The thing is, he wouldn't ever let me go anywhere, and my friends wouldn't come over because he was always a butt when they came to visit. So they just stopped coming. So I ended up playing games.
I mean I have always played games, but they never interfered with my life. And I could step away from them easily. Until after I was with him. I stayed at home and played games constantly.. building my addiction, It was my hideaway. Away from him.
Well, that addiction came with me when I left him, but I didn't even realize at the time I had an addiction, until years later, when it did start interfering with my life. I was no longer under a controlling person; I was free to go where I wanted. But I had to play my games. I didn't realize I had an addiction until my daughter started getting older and wanted to do things outside of the house. Like, go for a walk. I would get annoyed at having to leave the game. And my house work never gets done.
And this all started 20 years ago.But because I know where it came from, and that it makes me mad that he still had a part of me years later. I think I will do better at quitting. I'm rather mad at him. It feels like an old scar reopened after realizing why I am like this.
But I'm going to post on here as often as I remember. I'll count my days. I am tired of games controlling my life. I'm ready for a change.