Only through Christ's lead and by his Grace

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Joined: 07/10/2015 - 1:42am
Only through Christ's lead and by his Grace

     I am a former video game addict as I have mentioned a long time ago now in my introduction towards this community. I no longer play anymore video games at all. Since the end of summer 2015, I have been completely free and saved from even having relapse anymore and now I can never turn back since I have found so much energy outside of what it used to do for me. Those of you that don't know, I had a personal computer gaming addiction, Dungeon Defender game farming; item hoarding obsession, a buying addiction to games on Steam where I would always buy a surplus of games I didn't even need just to know they would be there if I ever ran out of things to play. Across two steam accounts at the end of this summer I had six hundred something combined digital and physical video games , personal computer games. Majority of the games were located on my desktop. I spent seven hundred something dollars out of my summer FedEx job I was supposed to save up for books just so I could get my horror fix.

     I had an addiction at the same time to horror movies on Netflix, Netflix binge watching habits and suffered relapse through watching game streams over, over again and professional walkthrough videos of newer games on Twitch and Youtube. Then after I abandoned the video games, I turned to masturbation every day multiple times a day just to get a release. I started out with watching porn videos of women on Google. Then later it became cycling through google images, typing in key terms like sexy women, hot women, sexy red-heads and nude women even in the search terms.


     Then I found it was more accessible and easier to view fully clothed pictures towards some of my female friends on Facebook on my phone. So I would flip through images and masturbate while doing it, lusting over some of my female friends. Luckily none of them will never know I did some of that, and I felt so guilty because I have always respected women by being a Christian man. However, I felt I needed an initial release still to hold on to so I would not have to face anymore times I have anxiety. I am almost fully over my masturbation addiction now thanks to the grace of God. Still keep me in your prayers. My life has changed and throughout this past week my new private Christian education I have been getting from the largest Christian University in the United States currently, has been so great for me. I am majoring in Religion now with a concentration in Christian counseling.


     Imagine me, a video game addict, an addict to masturbation over the past few weeks that started at the end of summer 2015, but now I don't have the addiction anymore. Due to Christ's grace I am almost fully healed over it. I had an addiction to sugary drinks, horror movies, Netflix binge watching and unhealthy gaming habits. If God can take me out of Dungeon Defenders. Have me wake up one day and say I am getting tired of this, I am tired of the grind and then make me leave the game for three days. Then I struggled still for another two in a half years through relapse of the game off an on and fully made it out.


     He took me out of college as a residential student at Mississippi State University when I majored in secular based Sociology. One day he called me to withdraw from there and now I know why. He wanted to give me eights months time to discover the outsider portions of the realm I came out of to help others in need. I still am on Steam and have friends on there I've met online through the forum boards. However, I give people real-life now, I give them positiveness and I am there for them when they need me.


     I have the beginnings of the ideas for a book I have currently been thinking about since more than a year ago now. Last week I looked at a recent church talk Dr.Doan had that was posted on Youtube that inspired me greatly. I am not a doctor and do not know the medical processes behind video game and internet addiction. However, when I was an insider and when I learned the outsider portions by myself ,I didn't have help. I didn't have a recovery program or support group I could rely on. I had real-life Christian college friends at the time that were there for me every step of the way, I had Christ and I had prayer. Through all of it, Christ alone revealed the truths I couldn't find on my own.


     This book may not come out for a long time because I am very busy college student taking online classes through a private Christian University. Though I'm not taking many classes at once, the classes are generally only two months long in duration from beginning to end finishing twice as fast as it does for residential students. The two main differences I have noted is something I call the " Insider's" realm and the " Outsider's" realm already. My allegory I have already written up which I just have to edit, proofread and revise closely and then hopefully it can hit Kindle on Amazon through self-publishing. As an Insider it is my duty as a leader of my realm to make sure others are doing ok, both those addicted and those that are not addicted to PC gaming. As an outsider it is my job to expose the system's ways, the intricacies of the processes one goes through as an overseer of those that get addicted. Outsiders that have never become an insider can't always understand the processes as well as someone that has been affected by it.


     I know this is long, but thanks for bearing with me. I apoligze I haven't been on in so long. Hopefully I'll schedule going on the site more in my weekly, monthly routine. I haven't really been offering any advice yet on this site to anyone nor helping anyone on here yet.

Nathan Sylvester