&: Crossroads

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Muhi
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&: Crossroads

When we come to the crossroads.

How do we know that it has taken over our life? How can we accept this?

Anon can be a great thing at times. We can shut our world out and not deal with things that are going on around us. How do these things come to light? Our lives were filled with laughter a long time before this, but the addiction is overwhelming, and happiness no longer reigns. Why did we let it get this far? The absolute awe of the whole environment impressed us, and the compulsion began. A new world, a better world, one where we don't have to work 9 - 5, where we can be whatever we want to be, where we can shut ourselves away and no-one knows who we are, neither do they care what we look like, we can be whatever we want.

Suddenly, life becomes pointless, as we do not interact with life no longer. We interact with a make believe world, a world where, yes we are where we want to be. Why do we want to stay there and resent anybody that tries to take it away from us? Life is boring, life is pointless, there is no excitement any longer. We know we are in trouble now but it doesn't matter. We can put the letters away and hide them, it no longer matters. We want to stay here, we want to stay in this safe world. We adventure into the deep caverns of the unknown, we stick together, we cheer together and we accomplish things together. We must get further in our goals. There is no end to what we can do here. We must get to that higher level, we must get those items of power.

We forget how we once enjoyed the things that we did. When we walked in the grasslands of the countryside and cherished the moments, with the birds singing and the sky ice blue. How the people we held dearest was at our side too.

Instead, hurt reigns. We hate ourselves and we hate the people around us. We hate what we do, and we hate the people that try and stop us. Our goals are close, we are so close to achieving them. Unfortunately, once we achieve them there is always something else we want to achieve. Our friends online encourage us; we can't let them down, we want those things too, we don't want them to have them, we want to show we are needed too. But the comradeship of the guild is there, they know why we are there, they agree with us too.

We now start to see the people outside as enemies. Why do they interfere so? Why do they want to take the pleasure that I get away from me? Why do they still stick around? Why are they still here? We have now forgotten how it use to be, how it use to be before. This is how life should be, you argue, there should be no 9 - 5. This is how it should be. All our inhibitions.

People say you have got a problem, and you are turning inwards on yourself. You can no longer interact with people, what have you got to talk about? You see them as interfering and doing you no good. What could they possible know? I'm in control.

Then it happens one day.

The crossroads for us all.

A choice.

A choice we must make. Depression has set in, and we see no point to life. But maybe there is a chance.

A chance to drag yourself out of this hole, it doesn't have to be like this. It could be so different.
Remember back on the happier days, where we enjoyed life.

The game has become a ritual, we no longer enjoy it, we need it but it does us no good. The game is a job, so a job consumes us 24/7, we have a breakdown. We need a break from this. Can't take it any longer, something must give. What gives is your choice. Let's hope it's the right one.

A light is shining bright, and we can shine so much if we let it.

There is no need for all this pain, we can beat it. We can change things around, nothing is ever too late. We have become in need of the game, because that is all we have now, but we must break away from it. It is our way of ignoring problems, of dealing with problems, and yet we can give up so much just because of it.

It is not easy. It is not easy to try and regain what we once had. What will people think of me? They know what has happened and I'm ashamed. I am ashamed of how I could have had let this happen. I don't want people to think of me in that way, that I am weak, that I could give up so much over something like this.

But there is hope.

You get one life.
What do you want to achieve with your life?
There is so much out there, there is so much, so much you could do.
All those different things you want to accomplish, why can't you?
Do you really give everything you've got to a particular thing, except the game?
Do you want to be on your own for the rest of your life?
What would you want people to remember you by?
If you had a choice of doing anything or changing your life to the way you want it, what would it be?

We sometimes get confused on our journey, the most important thing is to re-find the way.

A small change can lead to a greater one. You will be surprised how much better you feel if you just take one day to yourself / or with someone and do something completely different. Make that one day, two. Take back up the old hobbies you once had. Start to find an interest in something else, preferably a sporting activity, or outside, as this can work wonders. Being outside on a beautiful hot day, or listening to the nature of what is around you, can be relaxing. Remember, if you have played that game 24/7, you have basically had no breaks whatsoever for months and months. No wonder you feel snappy, anxious, moody, depressed.

There is no shame in admitting what you done. The important thing is to remember that you are now on the road to recovery and to a better life. A better life where one day you will say xxxx game doesn't interest me no longer, what a waste of time. Where you will once cherish the important things in life.

Addiction can be overcome and can be controlled. Sometimes, it is a means of an escape, even if you don't think you are escaping from anything. I know one thing that can be off putting is when people categorise, and don't really offer any sort of words of help. About time you snapped out of that, to me leads to more resentment and doesn't address the situation.

Your in control of you life, not your on-line games, not your guild who wants you to stay to kill UberMob_01. Learn to say no and mean it. After all, do they really appreciate what you do to help them? That you have sacrificed some time with your family to kill something for them? No, they will just want more the next time. Is your family really, really worth, giving all that you have, up?

Edited by: lizwool at: 12/6/06 8:21

Edited by John of the Roses at 4/25/13 17:20

lizwool
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Re: Crossroads

Muhi,

Thank you for sharing.

Liz

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Xandtar
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Re: Crossroads

This is one of the most moving posts I have ever read.

It so sums up all the human tragedy in this "victimless" addiction.

When I read it, it encourages me to never, ever find myself at those crossroads again.

With God's help, I never shall.

Leveling in Real Life

Gundark Viresdator
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Re: Crossroads

Incredible.

And accurate.

Thanks for sticky-posting this one at the top.

Diggo McDiggity
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Re: Crossroads

Truly a brilliant post, and thank you Xandtar for saving it amidst the turmoil of a 'sacked' EZ-Board message board farm.
But I also wanted to point out one part of that post:Quote:We now start to see the people outside as enemies. Why do they interfere so? Why do they want to take the pleasure that I get away from me? Why do they still stick around? Why are they still here? We have now forgotten how it use to be, how it use to be before. This is how life should be, you argue, there should be no 9 aEU" 5. This is how it should be.This part above is what those in the depth of their 'addiction' are feeling. But there is an interesting irony here... Many who finally free themselves adopt that same militant attitude back toward those who are still drinking...or playing...or who are still spiritually lost, etc. Take a second and re-read the above from the perspective of someone who has stopped playing, or drinking, or who has found God. Fits, doesn't it?
In my dealings here and in the real world with others who have found sobriety, or religion, or other 'healing,' some have become so militant in their views that they actually become hostile towards others who are now where they once were. This can be to such extreme that those persons who are now in pain from their addiction are pushed away and shunned...how can those folks who are hurting so ever trust those who do not remember where they came from?

It is our challenge as guides and healers to exude a feeling of understanding and tolerance toward others to let, not only those who come to us with open arms be welcomed...but also those who have come to us for help but who do not yet realize it. Sometimes it is a fine line to know when those disruptive individuals will create more of a hinderence to healing, but that is our challenge to figure this out.

To those who have approached and passed through the crossroads, I ask that you seek within yourselves the strength to accept that those people who are most hostile with our mission here are the ones who most need our help. You must remember that you are no longer where they are and that their pain is NOT your pain. You must remember that you have crossed the crossroads and any residual pain from doing so will only make you stronger.

Having passed through the crossroads myself...I am no better than those who are still playing 10 hours a day. A person who is sober is no better than those who are still drinking and a person who has found "God" is no better than those who have never started looking.

When we feel that we are better than those who have not yet walked where we are walking, then we instantly lose our healing potential and our credibility.

Thanks again, Xandtar for saving that post.

Ron

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Re: Crossroads

An excellent post, Ron...

Well worth mulling over...

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lizwool
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Re: Crossroads

Quote:Having passed through the crossroads myself...I am no better than those who are still playing 10 hours a day. A person who is sober is no better than those who are still drinking and a person who has found "God" is no better than those who have never started looking.

"To thine own self be true."

I don't think people quit playing games or stop drinking to be better than those who do. I personally, have, so I am a better person to live with. I want to get the most out of MY life that I can. I don't want to be controlled by a gaming company or under the influence of alcohol. I want to be ME - sober and straight.

I do not hang around people who do have addictions, because that is no longer of interest to me. I have compassion for them, and hope that one day, they will see what they are missing, by running away from themselves.
I do hang with people who are recovering, as we are all actively trying to make our own lives better. I need that encouragement and support.

I have encountered other things here on this earth, that has made my life more bearable. One of them is God, and another is a spiritual life. My life has an entirely new perspective by having a spiritual life, and by gowing and maturing my personal relationship with God.

Liz

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Betatest
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Re: Crossroads

Crossroads? For all of us. My addictions have cost me pretty much everything, and I've all but made up my mind to end my life. In my limited interactions with you people, you all seem very nice, but I'm way too @#%$ up to live any longer.

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Re: Crossroads

Betatest,

Please don't harm yourself.

Call me at 612-245-1115.

You are not the only person to have messed up your life.
ANY Life is a gift.

Liz

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Re: Crossroads

Betatest,

There is more than one type of crossroads out there. I know. I've been at yours-- and took the suicide route. Only dumb luck, and a friend whose mother had committed suicide when she was only eight, kept me alive that August night, some twenty years ago now.

Suicide is surprisingly easy, for the person who does it. At the point when I accepted my death, and all the sadness and fear and everything else faded away, it was so easy. Nothing, and I mean nothing, mattered anymore.

Its much, much harder on all of those left behind.

The road of recovery is a much, much harder road. It is hard to make that effort when all seems pointless and lost. But it CAN be done. And the person you will be at the end of that road may look back, as I do, at the day you were at that crossroads as one of the defining moments of your life.

I wish you the very best.

Good luck to you.

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Diggo McDiggity
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Re: Crossroads

Well, even if you sink your life into gaming oblivion, you will still have real life to contend with - Why not just make the most out of real life? It's pretty amazing how easy it is to turn your life around once you've decided it's what you want to do.
But you have to find compelling reasons to do so. Find other people in your real life to focus on instead of focusing on yourself. Gaming addicts hyper focus on themselves and their own problems and this becomes a downward spiral. Focusing on external things and people helps break you free of this.

I read posts like Betatest's and it brings back memories to how things were in my past at various times. But those were times when I was more worried about my own problems and feelings than I was others. When I turned my focus outwards, things started fixing themselves automatically, somehow.

The world works in strange ways.

Ron

"Get a Life!"
Ron Jaffe AKA Diggo McDiggity
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eMail: ronjaffe@cfl.rr.com

Co-Founder of OLGA and member since 2002

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Re: &: Crossroads

And years later, this remains one of the most moving posts I have ever read.

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Re: &: Crossroads

glad you saved this post it touched me. i just had to sit back and think wow its ironic. also Ron brought up a good point and i think im going to focus "outwards" just a bit. nothing is more gratifying than helping someone else in need.

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Re: &: Crossroads

A very good post. :-X

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Re: &: Crossroads

Some time ago I felt at my bottom and I felt about things similar to those expressed in the original post above. But I never hit that bottom in particular. I stand in awe to those whose stories i hear similar. When life itself seems worthless? When all else fails to effect me? When vows, blessed children, when even self worth becomes lost?
I have certainly lost much but lose them I did not, I gave it away to xxxx game. And xxxx game took them and my $15 a month! What I need to do is to come here and read these stories of horror and despair. I need to hear the stories because they give me HOPE. And HOPE is what I need. And HOPE is what those who come here and stay for more than one post need.
The message boards give HOPE. The meetings give HOPE. That's why I'm staying here, you all give me HOPE and I want to share that HOPE with the next sufferring addict, whatever his or her bottom will be.

"There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative." --W. Clement Stone

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Re: &: Crossroads

That is a great post John/Gamelessly!A Although I am far from being an expert, I believe that one of the crucial elements required in recovery from any kind of addiction is HOPE.A Thank you for reminding all of us of that.

- John O.

[em]Carpe Diem![/em] (Seize the Day!)

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Re: &: Crossroads

We all have come or will come to the crossroads at some point in ours lives. This is a time for reflection and decisions that will make our lives better. We all have to learn from mistakes and grow as a person. It is not a time for hopelessness and sorrow. This is the time to find strength again. Pick yourself up and dust yourself off and continue your journey. May it be filled with joy and adventure.

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that's a nice post, thank

that's a nice post, thank you

If you play video games, turn them off once in a while and rejoin life. Some of us here like you, don't ask me why.

skywish
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Wow. Exactly what it's

Wow. Exactly what it's like. Wish my boyfriend would get himself off the computer right now and spend time with me. Rather than me sitting in here with nothing else to do bored and alone while he's sitting in the room next to this one playing the game that almost ruined my life. I've been clean for a year, life is so much better than a game.

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All new posters should read

All new posters should read this on their first day here. All old posters should direct them here. The friend I mentioned in one of the posts died last night. Some crossroads are forever.

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jjguy1977
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Thank you for the post.

Thank you for the post.

"Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other"
-Abraham Lincoln

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I see it's been nearly a

I see it's been nearly a year since I bumped this up to page 1.

See if you can find your own reflection in this stream.

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Ouch... I wonder how you are

Ouch... I wonder how you are going to keep that relationship together. One is a player and the other a non-player... someone how they have to connect... or they will break apart.

Mario

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"We forget how we once

"We forget how we once enjoyed the things that we did. When we walked in the grasslands of the countryside and cherished the moments, with the birds singing and the sky ice blue. How the people we held dearest was at our side too."

So beautiful. I miss all those things.

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Since I've quit gaming I've

Since I've quit gaming I've done a lot more of that and it is definitely more wonderful in the real field with a warm cuddly real person at your side...

Definitely.

Xandtar
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For the final time, let me

For the final time, let me repeat myself here.

This opening post, is the most powerful single post ever written on this site.

Every new person here should reflect on what it is like to reach that crossroads, and remember that there are people here who will help him or her make the right choice, if he or she will only reach out.

Every veteran here should reflect on what it is like from the other side, not be dogmatic or unyielding or militant, but be gentle and helpful, and guide those others one by one through each of their crossroads.

And if, after a time, you find yourself looking back at the newest people less and guiding the new guides more, that too is a service.

After eight years, I find that the people I helped guide have themselves moved on to guiding the new guides, so like some other people I choose to stop looking back altogether and embrace life.

I pray that each of you can one day get there as well.

Goodbye, and good luck to you all.

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Someone else will have to

Someone else will have to bump this from time to time.

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fer
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Goodbye Xandtar, and best

Goodbye Xandtar, and best of luck to you. Why don't you put a note on your calendar and come back bump this post every now and then? :)

Healthy enthusiasms add to life, addictions take away from it.

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Xandtar wrote: After eight
Xandtar wrote:

After eight years, I find that the people I helped guide have themselves moved on to guiding the new guides, so like some other people I choose to stop looking back altogether and embrace life.

I pray that each of you can one day get there as well.

Thanks for the inspiration Xan. I appreciate your work, I really appreciate the people who are here encouraging us newcomers. I also appreciate the inspiration of hearing that you are fully embracing REAL LIFE at this point.

I think most people don't appreciate REAL LIFE because they haven't gotten trapped in a fantasy life like us gamers (and I think those of us who did RPGs got particularly caught up in this).

Game free since 11/24/2011 (Thanksgiving Day). One Day at a Time.
Available by phone (904)437-0761.

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Andy.N.Jax wrote: I think
Andy.N.Jax wrote:

I think most people don't appreciate REAL LIFE because they haven't gotten trapped in a fantasy life like us gamers (and I think those of us who did RPGs got particularly caught up in this).

Definitely.

It surprised me that I had to immerse myself in real like I did RPGs. I had to take time out to study, plot strategies, gear up, chat with OLGA people, family and friends, start hobbies or interesting activities (some of which I had no more interest in at the time, but I do now)...it didn't just come immediately.

I immersed myself in the game life, 100%. Now I am trying--bits and pieces--immersing myself in real life. My goal is to be happy in this real life, I'm starting to really enjoy it.

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I stood at the crossroads

I stood at the crossroads and decided to turn back, partally due to olganon.

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So sorry about your

So sorry about your friend!! Live life!!!

Thanks for sharing this insightful post.

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I can so identify so much

I can so identify so much with this post. This is the story of my life. Good to know I`m not all alone. Normal people and socieity jugded me as a outsider, a geek, a gamer, a mentaly unstable violent person wich no one wanted to know. Just a evil person. I`m not evil. I was just hurting so much on the inside. Pushed everyone even my own family away to be able to play. At one point even used mariuhana to be able to live with myself, to ease the pain. I wasnt strong enough to take my own life, thinking about the family I`d leave behind. Thinking of the life I maybe one day could have. The life I wanted to have. Instead of playing games 12-20 hours a day.

This post made me cry a little....

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I've had trouble posting

I've had trouble posting here for years now. With my perspective, I still think the original post in this thread is the most powerful single post ever written on this site... ironic, considering Muhi was not in the end a supporter of the cause here. But, it does need editing... perhaps I'll think about putting together my personal revision of the OP's tale, seeing that he has been gone for longer than I.

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I wish I had time to edit

I wish I had time to edit the OP a bit, there are a few things I might add, but I suppose this little bump will do for now.

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Hi Bruce, What it the OP? Liz

Hi Bruce,

What it the OP?

Liz

Liz Woolley

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Thank u this has made me

Thank u this has made me think diff just hope I can find the str to remove the game from my life.

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This made me cry.  Thanks

This made me cry. Thanks so much for sharing.

DMNM

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thanks for directing me to

thanks for directing me to this post - I've only just joined up but I feel I've come to the right place.

I was told I had a gambling addiction some month ago but I didn't really believe it - doing the test has comfirmed I have.

I'm still gaming but the realisation of what is happening and has happened to me along with knowing I'm not alone or particularly weak - even weird - makes me feel so much better already.

I know I will need help and I'm confident that I will have support here.

Thank you all for sharing and caring

If plan A didn't work ...the alphabet has 25 more letters ----> do NOT give up

Luke 18:27 - And he said, The things which are impossible with men are possible with God. (surrender)

Any person can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when we add the burdens of yesterday and tomorrow that we break down. It is not the experience of today that drives people mad - it is the remorse of bitterness for something that happened yesterday, and the dread of what tomorrow may bring.
Let us, therefore, live one day at a time! A day without giving in to our addiction is A GOOD DAY !!!

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O.P. = Original Post Muhi's

O.P. = Original Post Muhi's post, while brilliant, is the story from the point of view of a MMO, which is not my origin specifically though I played those too along the way.

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Xandtar
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Every few months I stop by

Every few months I stop by here with the same message. EVERY person coming here should read this opening post on their first day. Every person who stays here should read it about once a year and see if their perspective has changed in the story.

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Great share! I enjoy reading

Great share! I enjoy reading it. Thank you.

It's good to have goals and dreams, but while you're waiting for things to change, waiting for promises to come to pass, don't be discontent with where you are. Learn to enjoy the season that you're in--Pastor Joel Osteen

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Great post! I find it

Great post!

I find it describes exactly how I feel. But I also must block all these feelings most of the time. I have learnt to ignore everything and escape into the virtual world most of my life. There are days when I think I am a child I was before I started gaming. So much has changed, I have changed, but only physically.

This post has made me think about a lot of things, including how this is the only life we get, and how we want to be remembered by other people. I haven't thought about all this for a very long time.

Also, there are days when I think that a wasted scenario in real life has a restart button, but it doesn't. It only makes sense if you stop gaming and then start over.

I have been a gamer since late 90's.
I've realized just how much my games have consumed my life. My gaming habit made me deeply unhappy, but I didn't see it.
Lately it has become just too much painful to game again and I have set some goals in my life which I intend to fulfill. Doing it all on my own is not possible.
I am an addict and I admit that I am powerless.

Exgamergirl
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 This post made me cry too,

This post made me cry too, I am having a really hard time not gaming anymore. I miss the outdoors so much! I used to love going to the parks and hiking and having campfires and things like that... I used to have a few hobbies I really enjoyed... I can relate with everything OP said and I find I can relate with every single post made here on this site.

I don't know what to do, I started playing another game. I haven't been to any meetings here yet, I am very introverted and always have been, even before I started gaming. I also have some social anxiety, and those two things combined is what in my case, made gaming so appealing in the first place. And the anxiety I suffer from, makes it very difficult for me to get the support I need.

Have a wonderful day

Mist

Low-anchored cloud, Newfoundland air, Fountain head and source of rivers, Dew-cloth, dream drapery, And napkin spread by fays; Drifting meadow of the air, Where bloom the dasied banks and violets, And in whose fenny labyrinth The bittern booms and heron wades; Spirit of the lake and seas and rivers, Bear only perfumes and the scent Of healing herbs to just men's fields!

Henry David Thoreau

Patria
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Exgamergirl wrote:  I don't
Exgamergirl wrote:

I don't know what to do...

This is what I did:

Went to all the meetings.

Got email addresses and/or skype names, and contacted people who were recovering from gaming.

Got a sponsor (someone to help me do the 12 Steps)

Worked and lived the 12 Steps

Got into service (leading meetings, posting my experience, strength and hope on blogs.)

And I now sponsor people.

In the meantime, answer this questionnaire: http://olganon.org/?q=self_tests_on_gaming_addiction

Xandtar
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I don't know whether I'll be

I don't know whether I'll be able to post after today, so let me bump this now.

Take care everyone.

Xandtar

Leveling in Real Life

TinaLynn
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Thanks Muhi for putting into

Thanks Muhi for putting into words my exact thoughts.

Outofmans
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Thank you, this post

Thank you, this post describes exactly where I am at right now.

Today is the first day of the rest of your REAL life.

Wildstarwidow
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One of the most touching and

One of the most touching and painful posts I have read. For that reason, everyone who comes here should read it too, as others have commented on numerous occasions.

Thank you for your honestly and vulnerability. Amazing. I will read and re-read again and again.

JamesKel
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Sharing

Thanks for share. @muhi  :)

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