Dr. Phil's 7 steps to recovery

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photomuse
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Dr. Phil's 7 steps to recovery

Dr. Phil's Seven steps to recovery: http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/173 1) Acknowledge the purpose. Why do you do it? You have to be able to answer that question. Is it to help you deal with anxiety and stress? It may be hard for you to admit that you have a drinking or smoking habit, but you can't change what you don't acknowledge. Dr. Phil says, "What purpose does the behavior serve for you? If you're an alcoholic, you're not just drinking because you're thirsty. Admit to yourself: 'I'm medicating myself for anxiety, depression and pain. It numbs me to life.'" 2) Think rational thoughts instead of denial. You understand at a conscious level, at an intellectual level that your addiction is unhealthy, yet you continue and this perplexes you. Dr. Phil points out, "If you're in denial about it, if you're minimizing it, if you're trivializing it, if you're conning yourself about it, then you'll never get where you need to be." If you can't get through the day without a shot of vodka, you may be medicating yourself for anxiety, depression or pain. You may need to count on others to help you think rationally. 3) Use alternative coping skills. People don't break bad habits; they replace them with new ones. Recognize that you get a reward from smoking or drinking. Dr. Phil explains, "It calms you. It takes your anxiety away. It lifts your spirits. It numbs you to the pain of your life. If I take that away from you and then don't put anything in its place, then you're just there stripped of your coping mechanisms and you're going to go back to what you were doing before." Some alternative techniques to consider to replace your addiction are breathing exercises or relaxation techniques. Dr. Frank Lawlis, a mentor and former professor of Dr. Phil's, has a series of relaxation CDs that help shift the way you react to any type of stressful circumstance in your life. You have the ability to quiet yourself. You have the ability to reduce stress levels in your body in a healthier way than smoking, drinking or whatever your addiction does for you now. 4) Identify your danger zones. A danger zone can be a particular time of day or your reaction to a particular circumstance. There are times that you're more prone to indulge in your habit than others. Recognize what those times are, and do something that is incompatible with the addiction you're trying to break. For example, if you have the urge to light up during your 3 p.m. break at work, take that time to do your breathing or relaxation exercises instead. Dr. Phil encourages, "If you get through that two or three moments of impulse, I promise you it will go away." You don't have to be strong and powerful all day long every day. You just need to recognize your danger zones, and do something incompatible with your addiction. 5) Make lifestyle changes. "It's not willpower, it's programming," Dr. Phil says. You have to set your life up for success if you're going to break your addiction. If you're trying to stop smoking or drinking, try simple things like not carrying money for cigarette vending machines or cleaning your cupboards of alcoholic beverages. You may have to change the places you frequent, what you do for fun and whom you hang out with. If you are a computer junkie, remove the computer from your house. The best way to stop an addiction is to not have access to it. 6) Be accountable and have a support system. Being accountable to someone means that that person will not only support you, but will give you the kick in the rear that you need when it gets tough and tell you the truth when you're kidding yourself. Get your family and friends involved in your efforts to kick the habit. If you're a smoker, print out these cards from Dr. Phil that warn your friends to refrain from indulging you. You can also find addiction support on the message boards at DrPhil.com. You need to find a community that supports you during this time and embraces your decision to be healthier. You may also need to seek treatment or check into a rehabilitative program. 7) Reward yourself. Overcoming an addiction can be very difficult, but it can be done. When you see yourself making progress, even baby steps, you have to motivate yourself to keep going. Give yourself credit. Reward yourself for every step you make, starting with admitting that you have a problem and asking for help.

dawn
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very helpful thank u =)

very helpful thank u =)

Take the first step in faith. You donaEU(tm)t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.
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John of the Roses
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Thanks for these inportant

Thanks for these inportant principle of recovery. However, OLGA & OLGAnon utilize the 12 Steps and Traditions as adopted fro Alcoholics Anonymous. Ours is a Spiritual, not a religous system of Principles that work best when worked in order and have been succesful in helping millions of ppl world-wide overcome their addictions. On the other hand, I appreciate your post in that any suggestions for the purpose of recover are welcomed here as long as they do not violate our mission statement. John of the Roses

"There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative." --W. Clement Stone

michael
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Every few years a quacker

Every few years a quacker comes along and tries their own methods for various reasons...even alan marlett who tried to "sell" limited using....never works...and i have studied them all in the last 25 years. 12 steps works..or if ya want condense them...Trust God (Good Orderly Direction like this groups,etc), Clean House, Help Others. Acknowledge the purpose -hmm...brain does not work right, cant think logically and/or, rationally - how would this help? Most get "Clean" through divene intereventions...even with the law...family..Why isnt the question to ask, its "what else is there since I CANT live without?" Recovery does not mean giving up who you are - It means letting go of who you are not...but with a clouded mind, body and soul it will be impossible to find that at that time. Guilt is when you make a mistake. Shame is when you believe you are the mistake. and you will have both...it will be a hard hurdle to overcome these...alone...At least I have never seen someone recover alone...maybe they are in Sweden and I want there #...I will make them rich...like phil is trying to do wit these new "steps"...but I have no doubt they wont work... Think rational thoughts instead of denial. Again, it takes at lease ONE month for every year you dabbled in addciton for your Brain to heal...5 years in addiciton, 5 months until you think clear, logical and rationale. Terance Gorskis calls it Post acute withdrawal...and its VERY powerful, (hence 90/90..why? ;) TLEt others think for you (TRUST GOD. -whatever that is for you..but dont trust your self...willpower will not work..try it when you eat bad fish...) Use alternative coping skills. hmm...well, this could be a could thing...but I lost the book on where they are (other than the step book "promises"? Again...need help in that area...THe steps are a result of what DIDNT work for the founders...and they are in order. yes, phil this comment is your best...but remember the addict, in initial recovery, is willing to surrender to the drug of their addiction but continues to control people, places and things; this ultimately sets them up for a dry drunk and the active relapse. a third relapse, a third get Clean, a third never come back and "die" early. thats the stats folks..if your in here, your almost there ;) Identify your danger zones -ya, have others do it though...your (and me) have no clue. 15 major warning signs should be in your back pocket...all are called "mistaken beliefs" systems...create role plays with other supportive people in your life...oh, and get supportive people...not really sure the interent will help all the time...get phone #'s... Make lifestyle changes ya, clean house, again...tell someone your UGlYness...they will help you...do it privite though...and with someone other than family...change will come..our building a new house ,brick by brick...start with the 7 deadly sins...or Guilt about lying, cheating, how youaEU(tm)ve treated others; Fear about facing the world clean and fear of not being able recoup what you once had; Anger with self for not being able to control your use or abuse; Sadness for what you have lost to the disease/addiction. ITs the SECRETS that get you high, drunk or using again...tells others about sexual behavior; physical and/or sexual abuse; secrets about relationships or sexual orientation; other drugs that you have used but will not acknowledge; criminal activity; and financial problems. The shame or deception involved in having secrets is a frequently un-addressed issue that is a major contributor to relapse. Again..a lifestly change occurs when you clean the slate of the self defeating thoughs and behavios (most lily learned when you were a Kid so its NOT your fault...but revovery is now YOUR responsibilty... Be accountable and have a support system ya, step 10...support should come first phil...even if "they" dont like me...newcomers are always welcomed and loved (12 step work) Reward yourself hmmm...not sure a agree with this....rewards will come I must say, but I had nothing to do with them except for showing up, working steps and helping others. THE promises do come true if thats the reward he is speaking about, but I doubt it...I think he means getting new shoes, treating yourself good... rewards one will experience will be Devine...not in a religious way, but in way when you wake up one day in early recovery and you feel good ON the inside from the work you have done...and its ONGOING, and even gets better...Recovery is an exciting process of establishing healthy boundaries, reframing belief systems, finding a greater trust in your self, reconciling the issues of forgiveness and embracing a spiritual process. Does the pain ever go away - Yes...and read page If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. from pages 83 & 84 of the 'big book' Alcoholics Anonymous..though i think the pages changed in the new.. edition...

Quote:

cool...

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J. DOe
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gamingkrib, I found your

gamingkrib, I found your post somewhat difficult to read. Although it might be that you are an ESL person, I am not sure if you are completely clear in your thinking. I believe that you are being overly dismissive of Dr. Phil's steps. Although I agree that they don't have the historical evidence of being as effective as 12-steps programs, such as that used by AA or any that are adapted from them, that does not mean that his suggestions may not potentially help people. Also, you seem to cite some statistics as being facts but, as a mathematician myself, I know that there are often disagreements about the meaning, much less the actual values, of statistical results. As I have suggested previously in other posts, people should use whatever works for them. The core AA 12-steps program, with our version adapted directly from it, has a long history and proven track record of helping people. I, myself, have found benefit from using OLGA's 12-steps program only informally. However, if Dr. Phil's steps make sense to anybody and works for them, either with our 12-steps program or just by themselves, then that is great! I believe that the most important thing is the results.

- John O.

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J DOE...I'm not ELL (ESL not

J DOE...I'm not ELL (ESL not used anymore btw) - though I know a few languages...been up too long today working....sorry, didnaEU(tm)t spell check or use grammar check... just thought I gave my thoughts, my experience (and some hope) on statistics and insight since I worked in the field for many years. wrote a few papers on stats professionaly and recovering for a few 24's...we keep stats in the field, have observed many 24's and the 1/3 stats hasn't changed...but not really important for discussion related to post... "informally" - IaEU(tm)m not sure what that means. like only a few? or one? not sure what you mean...they seem to be in order...and called "Steps"...which to me, means you walk thru them...starting at 1 and end at 12...maybe do them again when another addiction pops its head/body or when further change is needed? All im saying is, if one relies on self, you will fail in recovery. It is that simple, from my view. AA or related group like this, or the principals, donaEU(tm)t do shows, media, or bring commercial entities into their support groups - EVER. Additionally, it is impossible for the DR PHIL to have any clue of recovery from an addictive disease, let alone crucify Step programs on many occasions and develop his own for use in this group, in my view. I have lurked in here for months professionally and personally. Additionally, "adapted from them" was my point, they are not adapted, matter fact they seem to be, on some points, the opposite of 12 step ideology, if you study the Steps (and Traditions) in depth. I think bringing into a 12 step program a commercial enterprise of ways to get Clean from using games, drugs or Alcohol is not a good idea. ThataEU(tm)s like having Billy Graham, Alan Marlett or Joel Osteen bringing in their specific teachings or "works" into a 12 step meeting for discussion (and payment - watching ads are your payment btw). This is unheard of in a 12 step group. If this group is a reflection of a traditional 12 Step program, and I must say IaEU(tm)m not a member, but suffer and are recovering from game addiction as well, IaEU(tm)m not sure this group would be for me. As I lurk in here lately, see media appearances and promotion (isn't "Anonymous" half of the name?) I get leery of its premise and direction its going... I now question the motives of its a Hodge podge of directives, methodologies, and media appearances of promotion (have you EVER saw AA do this?). If the 12 steps and 12 traditions are the program you are using here... im unclear. Are you adhering to the "Traditions"? If not, you will fail as a 12 step group John - I have seen many fail in 24 years. I have seen groups related to addictive gaming fail over the years as well, have been apart of them and the same thing ALWAYS happens...the media comes along and brings them down. The Traditions are there for a reason..they are the bones of the Program. "I believe that the most important thing is the results." -?? Studies show they donaEU(tm)t work...where are your results?, On his show? His past guests? You have research studies of his past guests that use his works? Please email me them. Many research studies show 12 steps (and traditions) work..and they work the best hands down. Personally if you water them down from your remarks, or bring other untried "work" here or promote, your giving newcomers false information -in MY view. A 7 step program, or 3, or Alan Marlett...John Prentess...and countless others just "try" to reinvent the wheel (for a price as well)...and again, I have seen no results, zero. "However, if Dr. Phil's steps make sense to anybody and works for them, either with our 12-steps program or just by themselves" ...IaEU(tm)m not sure what you mean here, again..you speaking ELL to me. His "steps" donaEU(tm)t make sense to me, which I tried to explain but I think you missed the point since your focus on my writing/unclearliness/lack of educaton...Is this Dr Phil group 7 step or a 12 step program based on AA's? if your saying whatever works, I think , in my view, is misleading in "your" preamble..and as a result would be a disservice to newcomers. oldtimers and World Services. Again, only my view.

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Your posts are somewhat

Your posts are somewhat difficult to follow, gamingkrib. As far as Dr. Phil goes, we have a unique situation with gaming addiction. People understand drug and alcohol addiction as disease processes (or at least most do, and the medical community certainly does), but gaming addicts are still looked at as lazy losers. In the early days of AA, education had to be accomplished person to person. I recall being educated on the disease process of alcoholism back in the early 80's in medical school by AA and Alanon members. We didn't have the internet then. I see the Dr. Phil show appearance as more of an opportunity to educate the public (and reach way more of them than our little website can at the moment), rather than a recruitment effort. I gotta say, I wish I had seen a show like the one Dr. Phil did on Monday before I sent my son off to college. The knowledge would have saved me a bundle. What other groups dealing with addictive gaming have you been involved with and what exactly became of them? I have done a lot of research on the history of this problem since I found out my son was affected, and I really haven't seen much in the way of other support groups documented in the literature. Just curious.

"Small service is true service while it lasts.  Of humblest friends, bright creature! scorn not one

The daisy, by the shadow that it casts,

Protects the lingering dewdrop from the sun." -------William Wordsworth

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Gamersmom, Anything that

Gamersmom, Anything that promotes and educates is great -though a spokemanwoman, promoting your group is a direct violation of Tradition 11, "Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion"- in my view. On DR PHIL I think it was flawed and not helpful for this group and 12 steps on a whole, he gave no mention of treatment approaches other than a spokesman from here - which is not treatment, and a blurb about helping someone with "treatment" after the show. He insulted the guest who was on the fence with his denial, which I thought was unprofessional and degrading, especially the jokes he had made. Shaming does not help, in fact will hurt. My appraoch would have been like explaining how addicitve personalities emerge...specifically in gaming, the "high" it produces in the brain chemistry...relating it to studies from Dallas (and others) with skid row alcoholics brains which included a harmone that was also in herion users brains - same hormone, the alsoholics never used herion.. and same drive to use more, same chemistry...this hormone they are finding in gamers brains, gamblers, sex addicts...this hormone is not in the normal person brain...I would have gone in more depth in those areas, instead of blaming and shaming -not to mention realtionship issues with wife and kids (which is another show in itslef). In a treatment setting with professionals he would have been fired on the spot with those techniques. What specific knowledge did he give, stats from PEW, Endowment on the Arts (which is where they came from)? Not even a mention of the 1988 addition and acceptance of the AMA inclusion of "Addiction" into the dsm3r? This after 25 years after admission of Alcoholism...a great leap for treament centers and professionals. AHve you ever read the definition? The stats he mentioned are common knowledge with anyone in the educational sector, have been headlined on major news outlets for years and even Barack Obama mentioned getting kids OFF the Games in every Debate recently. Not to mention the 1000's of studies related to Columbine shootings and video game use and abuse . Even Harado Rivera did a many pieces of "gaming addiction" in the 80's along with 20/20, Oprah, Rosie, The Today Show about 30 times, and countless articles in the addiction field, periodicals, AMA, NIH, etc. In 1995 there was one of the first Social network sites, like wow...called Worlds Away - it was huge...many groups were started in AOL related to problems with use, failed marriages over the use, stalkers, etc...supports groups sprouted...most failed - no direction or scope. Then came Quake, first person shooters, and self help groups started as well...again, failed with no direction. All im saying is that its important to understand the 12 traditions, i have read posts here related to starting topics on them but they seem to have failed in support. As for med school, I worked at one for many years, the largest in NYC and never understood why, with 60% of admits related to symptoms and results of the "Disease" only one day of training was related to addiction in ALL the years of schooling...today its 3 weeks. At least you were able to bring in 12 step program for insight. "Your posts are somewhat difficult to follow, gamingkrib" to me, is the result of anon (parents and friends who know a addictive gamer) and a gamer addicts should not be merged in a support group since they speak two separate languages, are seperate issues and 12 step approaches/work, in my opinion. alaonon and aa (ad even alateen) have seperate 1st steps.. Hopefully some will understand, im sorry you dont..

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Gamingkrib, I think your

Gamingkrib, I think your posts have great insight into addicts and addiction. Keep coming back adding your 2 cents. :-) Like Gamersmom said, the Dr. Phil show was a way to get info out to the public. I find is amazing that at least 5-8 people join this website daily. At least the word is getting out there.

The question is....will you be able/courageous/adult enough to sacrifice that which merely pleases you...for that which will truly fulfill you? That is the question of personal growth.
~~~Dem518
~~~wow-free since 8/22/09

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For what its worth, As I

For what its worth, As I stated in the Dr. Phil forum and will repeat here now, We do not recruit. We do not advertise. If individuals choose to sacrifice their anonymity and give back to the community as examples for others, those are their individual stands, but they are not speaking for the organization. As an organization, we do not take stands on any issues, we're just here to help people. When the day comes that we have local chapters in most major cities, we shall likely need this website and its attendant weaknesses less than we do now. Nevertheless you have some valid points and I hope you come back often, we like having a Devil's Advocate or two at any given time, it helps keep us focused on the main mission. :|

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I have no doubt your org

I have no doubt your org will succeed,. though I think it will splinter off into specific groups in time. I think history shows, esp. before 12 steps where born, had its complications and still does. If you read about the "WomanaEU(tm)s temperate movement" in the 1800's they adopted similar steps ( 6 I believe ), posted members on local boards and most members were "fired" the next day when employers heard of their involvement. Stigma will always follow addictions as gamermom suggests. Traditionally 12 steps hasn't changed much, the founders (Bill W and Dr. Bob) did change one important step related to GOD...and personally believe it is why so successful today. Additionally, if I posted teachings of Scientology, extreme Islam, or made up my own, etc, would newcomers get confused on your mission, purpose and goals related to your primary purpose? I struggled in earlier recovery related to HP...I used a chair. It take many people to make a chair, a power greater than me at the time. It gave me meaning and purpose since the makers of the chair had productive lives, which I didnaEU(tm)t but wanted. In time, things changed. I commented on the initial post as my experience, and my interpretations. IaEU(tm)m a firm believer if one waters down the teachings the message gets lost to newcomers. If your adapting new one's thataEU(tm)s fine and great, for your group. Even if your merging OLGA and OLG-anon members into one membership. My belief is addiction to gaming and addiction to the gamer is two separate issues, in my view. And I have been both...and try to keep them separate issues. It is my believe, addiction changes forms over time, its insidious, cunning and baffling. It is everlasting, Im never "recovered", it stays in remission and to be honest always wants "me" to relapse. It's part of my "being" and again, my beliefs. Keep up the good work.

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Thank you, gamingkrib, for

Thank you, gamingkrib, for expressing your opinions. I may agree or disagree with them, but as long as they are expressed in a calm and rational manner, I will usually not object. Part of my problem with your earlier post was things like starting it off with "Every few years a quacker comes along ...". Although you may disagree with his steps, I think that you will find that your posts are more effective if you provide eloquent and effective points rather than personally insulting people, such as by implicitly calling Dr. Phil a "quack". As for your statement above of "IaEU(tm)m a firm believer if one waters down the teachings the message gets lost to newcomers. If your adapting new one's thataEU(tm)s fine and great, for your group.", I think that you misunderstand. The person, photomuse, who started this thread with his initial post of Dr. Phil's steps, does not speak for OLGA. For that matter, neither do I. Instead, he just expressed his opinion that he thought that these steps are something worthwhile to consider. I believe that the uniqueness among people means that there is no one single solution that works for everybody. Also, I believe in inclusivity versus exclusivity. Although the 12-steps program is the only system that is currently officially supported by OLGA, some people may possibly find that using Dr. Phils steps, either by themselves or in conjunction with OLGA's 12-steps program, helps them. How can you be so sure that they will not? I don't believe that it is up to you or I to dictate that something will, or will not, work for any particular person but, rather, for them to determine that for themselves. Nonetheless, as you and I both stated earlier, the 12-steps program has a proven track record of success and, thus, should be given serious consideration by everyone who has a gaming addiction problem and wants to deal with it. In your Reply #5, you don't seem to understand some of what I wrote although I tried to be very clear and concise. If you wish, I can further explain off-line through PMs what I was trying to explain.

- John O.

[em]Carpe Diem![/em] (Seize the Day!)

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;)

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J. DOe
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gamingkrib, you say that "as

gamingkrib, you say that "as you calling a husband "overbearing"", but I don't recall ever using the adjective of "overbearing" in anything that I have ever written. I believe that either it was in a quote that I included in a post, in which case it was not me who wrote it, or you have me mixed up with somebody else. I would appreciate it if you would provide an actual thread and post. As for taking the conversation off-line, I suggested that for only the one issue of clarifying my earlier remarks because my explaining in more detail what I already believe that I was being quite clear and concise about did not need to be done here where many other people would likely be reading it, but for whom it did not pertain to and likely would not be interested in it. I don't have the time and patience to debate such relative minutiae with you or anybody else, but I am willing to privately respond to you once if you so wish. I will not respond any further in this thread to any issues raised by you earlier.

- John O.

[em]Carpe Diem![/em] (Seize the Day!)

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section deleted, recipient

section deleted, recipient read it, that's enough--X But as I said before, we like a few Devil's advocates. section deleted, recipient read it, that's enough--X Its your call.

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;)

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John, sorry, ..it was

John, sorry, ..it was another post I reviewed and have made mistake.

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Xandtar
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You know, it often happens

You know, it often happens right after a wave, that we get a really, really skilled troll. One that projects competence and arrogance and stirs lots of pots while only slowly everyone catches on that he's not what he said he is. I had wondered if you were one, so I tested you and you responded, not like one of those trolls typically would, but like the real deal. So, please accept my apology for thinking you might be one, I have restored your settings to default. I freely acknowledge that ideally, OLGA and OLG-Anon should be separate organizations, and they will be one day. We're a lot bigger than we used to be, but we're not ready for that split yet. Not all of us who serve in senior positions on the World Services board grant interviews, though we by definition have difficulty in hiding our names, they're public record as officers of a corporation. I declined to appear on the Dr. Phil show because I had responsibilities that were more important at the medical school I work at. But even without those responsibilities, I would not have appeared. I feel the discomfort associated with the 11th tradition and emphasize not always successfully that individuals have the choice on whether to out themselves but we shall never do so, and if they do they are speaking only for themselves, never the organization. Thus the ever-present conflict. We cannot bar people from speaking as individuals about their experiences to their families, to their local city councils, or even to Dr. Phil. We do not advertise and we had nothing to do with the Wikipedia entry about our group, they misspelled our name among other things. We're going to grow, not because we want to per se but because the need is there, and the pressing need right now is for local chapters to emerge that can help move most of the healing process people go through to where it belongs, a room in a local community with one's peers in recovery. This website has always been a necessary evil in that regard, necessary now and for the medium-term future wherever people need help but don't have a local chapter available. So while we struggle to grow, once in the while the media notices us, and we have a wave. During such times my tolerance for dissenters sometimes becomes a bit too short, again I apologize. It is my hope that you come by often and share your experiences, it sounds like we could use some of them to become a better organization. :|

Leveling in Real Life

J. DOe
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gamingkrib wrote: John,
gamingkrib wrote:

John, sorry, ..it was another post I reviewed and have made mistake.

No problem. Thank you for checking on that and letting us know that it was not correct. On my part, I apologize if you thought that I was being overly critical of you as that was not my intent. Welcome to OLGA as a full OLGA member.

- John O.

[em]Carpe Diem![/em] (Seize the Day!)

Wm21
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Hi my name is Juli and I am

Hi my name is Juli and I am fairly new to this site. I was also one of the guests on the Dr. Phil show. I am so glad to know that I was not the only one who noticed how awful Dr. Phil was to my husband. I have been feeling terrible that I dragged him thousands of miles to get help with his addiction only to have him ridiculed and made fun of. Unfortunately he is gaming just as much as he was before and he was made to look foolish in front of millions of people, including his friends and family who tuned in to watch. I thought it was horrible that he admitted to his addiction and how he knew it was hurting his family and wanted help. Yet Dr. Phil chose to make it a comedy hour at my husbands expense instead of offering some useful help and advice. Sorry for rambling I just needed to get that off my chest.

lizwool
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Hi Juli, Good to hear from

Hi Juli, Good to hear from you, again! I was wondering how things were going. I was hoping to be able to say somethings about excessive gaming in general, but was not asked. Dr. Phil was focused on you and Fred. I know how delicate relationships are, even when excessive gaming is not involved. Excessive gaming adds another dimension. I can't get through the first part, so have nothing to say about the second part, either. Because this has already happened, I hope that you and Fred can look at it and see what good is coming out of the show. There is a lot! I hope that you and Fred realize that by sharing your story, a LOT of people are being made aware of how much power gaming can have over a person. There needs to be places where people with this problem can go, where they aren't ridiculed or made fun of. Excessive gamers have just as much right to get help as drug addicts and alcoholics have! By you speaking up, hopefully, this will be taken more seriously by other professionals. Juli, please keep coming here. It would be GREAT if you and Fred could come to our Face to Face next year. Liz

Liz Woolley

Wm21
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Hi Liz, I would love to go

Hi Liz, I would love to go to the face to face meeting. How do I vote so it can be in Chicago?

Sonja
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I just read the book, The

I just read the book, The Addictive Personality and found it to be the best information on addictions I have read so far. I would strongly recommend that Juli, and everyone associated with an addict should read this book. One thing I learned in this book is that the worst thing anyone should call an addict is a" loser" so I cringed when Dr. Phil called Fred a "loser." That certainly wasn't helpful for Fred!

Wm21
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Thank you! I'll have to

Thank you! I'll have to check that out next time I go to Barnes and Noble for my Grande White Mocha.....LOL which is quite often since that is my addiction of choice. Who is the author of the book?

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Welcome, Juli! The decision

Welcome, Juli! The decision has already been made to have the meeting in Dallas next July. Maybe Chicago in 2010. I live quite near you. Maybe we should try to get an OLG-Anon group together in the meantime. We are having an online OLG-Anon meeting next Monday (and every Monday if we can keep it going) in the OLG-Anon meeting chatroom at 1 PM Central time. I am gong to try to be there. Can you come? Would love to have you.

"Small service is true service while it lasts.  Of humblest friends, bright creature! scorn not one

The daisy, by the shadow that it casts,

Protects the lingering dewdrop from the sun." -------William Wordsworth

Wm21
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I will definitely try.

I will definitely try. Afternoons are pretty hectic around my house since my 3 year old is going through his terrorizer stage. Terrible twos are coming late for him. Where do you live? I'm near Rockford.

bgh
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Hi Juli. Not very many

Hi Juli. Not very many people would have had the guts to do what you and Fred did on the Dr. Phil Show. My wife and I are praying that Fred will find the strength to quit soon. Let's stay in touch!

The happiness of a man in this life does not consist in the absence but in the mastery of his passions.
-Alfred Lord Tennyson
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Sonja
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The Addictive Personality

The Addictive Personality ------------ Craig Nakken. You might have to order it. I am really sorry to see what you have to go through with your husband. He really needs help, and so do you. This site will help you as it has helped me and many others living with an online gaming addict. It is pretty much impossible to deal with this alone. We all wish we you the help you need.

Gamersmom
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Me too. See PM I just sent

Me too. See PM I just sent you.

"Small service is true service while it lasts.  Of humblest friends, bright creature! scorn not one

The daisy, by the shadow that it casts,

Protects the lingering dewdrop from the sun." -------William Wordsworth

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Well, this thread has gone

Well, this thread has gone all over the map. To clarify, gamingkrib, my problems following your posts have to do with grammar, syntax, and spelling, not with the different languages of the addict and the "anon". I did a one-month elective in addiction in medical school and have studied the subject extensively. I am very familiar with the DSM-III, the DSM-IV, the DSM-IV-R, and the DSM-IV-TR. Unfortunately, the word addiction has been dropped entirely from the DSM-IV-TR, and we now have codes for multiple types of substance dependence, but not for addiction as a disease. The folks in charge of the DSM-V may eventually re-think that. We can only hope. In the meantime, my son exhibited all 7 (not just 3) of the criteria for substance dependence, if you substitute the word "game" for "substance". I agree that Dr. Phil took the wrong approach on his show, and OLGA is still in uncharted territory. The AMA says further research is needed, but no one can get funding to do research on a disease that doesn't exist. An interesting Catch-22. Everything is happening slowly, but the one thing that Dr. Phil accomplished was to make more people aware of the problem. I can't tell you how many people have come here thinking that they were crazy, or that they were the only one with this problem, or the only one who has a spouse or child with the problem. Until the Wall Street Journal announced the opening of the Smith and Jones Clinic in Amsterdam in July of 2006 and a Google search brought me to OLGA, I had no idea that I had an addict in my house. We will eventually be able to completely separate the gamers and the anons, but for the moment, we can't get enough of either one to make up a board of directors. We are all learning patience here. Welcome to OLGA.

"Small service is true service while it lasts.  Of humblest friends, bright creature! scorn not one

The daisy, by the shadow that it casts,

Protects the lingering dewdrop from the sun." -------William Wordsworth

Wm21
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Thanks! You guys have been

Thanks! You guys have been great through all of this. We will most definitely have to stay in touch. It's kinda odd though because if you read some of the forums on Dr. Phil people seem to have a real issue with me. One person even commented that someone should call child protective services on me..

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I kind of like the idea of

I kind of like the idea of OLGA and OLG-Anon's being somewhat connected, to they can see how their actions affect each other, which does NOT happen when they are separate! Liz

Liz Woolley

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Julie, Welcome...For me,

Julie, Welcome...For me, being co dependent as well (i carry a lot of bags) started with the admission I cant control the addict/abuser. Personally, I think its the hardest thing to let go of, especially when knowing other substances to numb the pain was not an option, though other self destructive behaviors arose. I made many interventions, and none worked until I focused on myself, and I changed. The best support I had found was being with people who were going through the same thing, collecting ideas on how to "detach with love" and move on emotionally, spiritually and mentally. I also read a few books that helped as well, including "Codependent No More" by Melody Beatie and "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise L. Hay, not to mention countless support group meetings. So, you accomplished allot in my eyes if it helps. You started your recovery and are responsible for it now. As for Dr Phil, he has the "break them down, build them up" treatment approach that rarely works, they have that model in many cities called Therapeutic Treatment Centers or TC"s. Its not new, works for some...and in the early days believed that limited using was ok, just not the "drug" of choice, which very rarely worked if ever. His show depends on ratings, and in this age, its about entertaining. Take what you can from the show that helped you, im sure you can find a few things...even getting away for a bit? ;)

Be Good to yourself! Rule #62: "Don't take yourself too **** seriously! " 12x12 Book And dont forget to donate... Donate

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Ya, hard to keep track of

Ya, hard to keep track of the AMA codes... I use to have to call it "Adjustment Disorder" with the population I served to get reimbursed where I worked, and has been years since. I was not aware many changes occured. That is a shame. The point was it took many years for addicition/substance abuse to be added...and will take time for people to understand addiction comes in many forms still, as with gamer addiction I do read alot of reports related to reserach though, even if privitaly funded. But stats seem all over the map as you say.

Be Good to yourself! Rule #62: "Don't take yourself too **** seriously! " 12x12 Book And dont forget to donate... Donate

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Hi Julie, First, I have also

Hi Julie, First, I have also read, and can personally recommend, the book that Sonja recommended. The details about it, including a review that I did, are in Book: The Addictive Personality. I have not yet seen the Dr. Phil episode but I agree that calling an addict a "loser" is counter-productive and inappropriate. I am sorry about how Fred was treated but, unfortunately, that cannot be changed now. However, on the positive side, as Gamersmom said in Reply #29, "... the one thing that Dr. Phil accomplished was to make more people aware of the problem." As for the Dr. Phil's forums, I read through all of the posts in both the main one and the beta one. Although there were a fair number of supportive ones, I was disappointed in how many negative ones there were, including about Fred and even yourself. I give further details in Reply #4 of My Response to the Dr. Phil Show.

- John O.

[em]Carpe Diem![/em] (Seize the Day!)

bgh
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Hey Juli! Tell Fred to call

Hey Juli! Tell Fred to call me! -Brad

The happiness of a man in this life does not consist in the absence but in the mastery of his passions.
-Alfred Lord Tennyson
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Meluv
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Wm21 wrote: I am so glad to
Wm21 wrote:

I am so glad to know that I was not the only one who noticed how awful Dr. Phil was to my husband. I have been feeling terrible that I dragged him thousands of miles to get help with his addiction only to have him ridiculed and made fun of. Unfortunately he is gaming just as much as he was before and he was made to look foolish in front of millions of people, including his friends and family who tuned in to watch. I thought it was horrible that he admitted to his addiction and how he knew it was hurting his family and wanted help. Yet Dr. Phil chose to make it a comedy hour at my husbands expense instead of offering some useful help and advice. Sorry for rambling I just needed to get that off my chest.

As an addict myself I was tempted to try to get Dr. Phil's help. Had I gone there and been treated like your husband was I think I would have sunk deeper into dispair and deeper into the game.

One does not advance the swimming abilities of ducks by throwing the eggs in the water. -Multatuli (pen name of Eduard Douwes Dekker), novelist (1820-1887)

Meluv
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I just had to add that i

I just had to add that i just clicked on the link in the authors post and one of the ads on the Dr Phil site is a 10day trial for wow, right next to the list posted here. It's random so it probably wont come up for everyone but i took a screenshot of it in case anyone wants to see it.

One does not advance the swimming abilities of ducks by throwing the eggs in the water. -Multatuli (pen name of Eduard Douwes Dekker), novelist (1820-1887)

J. DOe
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Meluv, I did not see this ad

Meluv, I did not see this ad myself either, but there were actually quite a few people who wrote about it in replies in Dr. Phil's forums. Not having any advertising is one of the things that I like about our site here. One would think that the Dr. Phil show generates enough money that they do not need to do that with their forums. However, if they are going to have advertising, they should at least have somebody working hard there to make sure that inappropriate ads like that one are not shown.

- John O.

[em]Carpe Diem![/em] (Seize the Day!)

bgh
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I was debating with myself

I was debating with myself over advertising on my blog, but Google Ad Sense was giving links to gaming sites at least 25% of the time, so I killed them.

The happiness of a man in this life does not consist in the absence but in the mastery of his passions.
-Alfred Lord Tennyson
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Xandtar
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Good for you.

Good for you.

Leveling in Real Life

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