Anger

3 posts / 0 new
Last post
Patria
Patria's picture
Offline
Last seen: 1 year 1 month ago
OLGA member
Joined: 06/02/2011 - 1:55am
Anger

~*~A.A. Thoughts For The Day~*~

Anger
^*^*^
"I
t is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us. If somebody hurts us and we are sore, we are in the wrong also. But are there no exceptions to this rule? What about 'justifiable' anger?
If somebody cheats us, aren't we entitled to be mad? Can't we be properly angry with self-righteous folk? For us in AA these are dangerous exceptions. We have found that justifiable anger ought to be left to those better qualified to handle it."
1952AAWS, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 90

^*^*^*^*^*

Thought to C

onsider . . .

Anger is the hot wind that extinguishes the light of reason.

*~*~*AACRONYMS*~*~*
A N G E R = Any No Good Energy Rising

Gettingalife
Offline
Last seen: 5 years 1 month ago
OLGA member
Joined: 12/11/2011 - 5:41pm
I was on a slow burn for

I was on a slow burn for years and couldn't figure out why or what to do about it. Learning why, accepting that anger as a very understandable response to certain events and accepting the events that had provoked that anger came, for me, by working the 12 Steps - which is pretty amazing considering I'd had years of therapy that never resulted in the same effect. Anger is no longer the basis of my approach to life, thank God.

That said, I've known people, some in the Program, who seem to believe all anger is taboo. I don't agree. I think resisting anger, stuffing anger or denying its existence altogether leads to really unhealthy states. I believe anger is as natural an emotion as joy, sadness, fear, trust, and that all emotions have usefulness when they *flow through* us in response to our experience. It's when we get stuck in the negative emotions - anyone ever get stuck in positive ones? apart from mania, that is? - that there's a problem.

I don't think it's healthy to cling to or suppress any of our emotions. In my understanding: emotions are neither right nor wrong; they're not to be controlled nor feared, simply experienced. When they get out of balance and dominate us, we need to pay attention to what they're telling us. In my experience, when my emotions move to extremes, I need to get more rest, get more exercise, eat right, meditate, change activities and involvements, and then wait to see if I return to a more balanced state. I usually do unless I've taken a big hit, then it takes time for me to regain my footing - often more time than I'd prefer.

Acceptance. When I am disturbed, it is because a person, place, thing, or situation is unacceptable to me. I find no serenity until I accept my life as being exactly the way it is meant to be. Nothing happens in God’s world by mistake.  Acknowledge the problem, but live the solution!

Patria
Patria's picture
Offline
Last seen: 1 year 1 month ago
OLGA member
Joined: 06/02/2011 - 1:55am
I agree with you Gal. If we

I agree with you Gal. If we don't recognize we have anger, then we repress it, which means we end up having resentments (feeling again and again the original anger).

I don't stuff my anger anymore. I recognize it and have it. But I'm learning not to wallow in it, to bring it up and review it.

I had a friend once in AA whose sponsor would decide how long her sponsee could have an anger; for example, if she was angry at her husband for not taking out the trash that week, then her sponsor allowed her to be angry for 2 hours. After that she had to work on the anger to "let it go". If my friend was angry because a car ran a red light and crashed into her car, she was allowed to be angry for a day or two, but no longer than three days.

We used to laugh at it, but she did what her sponsor told her to do. She felt the anger, had the anger, then used to program to release the anger so it would not fester and turn into resentments.

With my husband--both of us recovering alcoholics--we agreed no matter what we were angry about with each other, we would make up at night and not go to bed angry. We were able to do that which is a flat out miracle. The next morning, after a good night sleep we discussed what was happening to us, why we were angry and then resolved it. It was a good working relationship of two alcoholics trying to be at peace with each other.

I dont agree, either, with people in the program who insist we can't have anger. That's like saying we shouldn't have a nose. Anger is human! Even animals have anger. What we need to do is deal with it in an appropirate manner, and not let it fester into resentments, which leads to self-pity, which leads to gaming or drinking.

Log in or register to post comments