The Need for Approval

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Patria's picture
Last seen: 1 year 1 day ago
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Joined: 06/02/2011 - 1:55am
The Need for Approval

The need for approval.

Raising self-esteem.

Although [gaming] behavior may have been defiant and antisocial, most of us wanted others to think well of us. If we are not watchful, this need for approval can tyrannize us in sobriety.

A fierce need for approval can drives us to do more than our share of talking at discussion meetings. On the other hand, the fear of disapproval may cause us to "pass" when we really do have something to say. Outside of the fellowship, a strong desire for others' approval can make us anxious and unsure of ourselves. In the same way, a strong fear of being rejected or criticized can make us afraid to act.

In sobriety, we can free ourselves from an unreasonable desire for approval. When we learn to like ourselves more, we do not need constant reassurance and applause from others. We may also discover that we have been doing certain things against our will simply because we wanted somebody's approval. This is our fault, not theirs, and we can get such practices out of our lives when we no longer need them.

I will accept myself as I am today. I will give others the approval that I desire for myself. I will not try to win approval by being a people-pleaser

Exavatar's picture
Last seen: 5 years 1 month ago
OLGA member
Joined: 10/25/2013 - 3:47pm
I'm sure I have some of that

I'm sure I have some of that in me...the need for approval. After all, I spent a lifetime not getting love or approval. But the more I know God and the more I take care of myself through recovery, therapy, etc., the more I feel secure about myself and the more editing of comments and thoughts I do. I've done a lot more thinking about what I say before I type than I used to, and I know that's because I'm feeling better about myself.

Am I perfect? Heck no! Nor will I ever be. Knowing that is acceptance and I kinda like it! :D

"Even when you think it's about you, it's not about you." Dr. Bill

Last seen: 5 years 2 weeks ago
OLGA member
Joined: 12/11/2011 - 5:41pm
For me there've been certain

For me there've been certain key people in my life who had nothing but criticism for me all my life that I recognize I still would love to extract some real approval from. Why? Habit!! I want to *accept* the truth that they are *never ever* going to have any sincere approval for me and dust my hands of the desire for it from them. I'm working on it.

"Don't waste time explaining yourself to people who're committed to misunderstanding you" has become my new motto.

Acceptance. When I am disturbed, it is because a person, place, thing, or situation is unacceptable to me. I find no serenity until I accept my life as being exactly the way it is meant to be. Nothing happens in God’s world by mistake.  Acknowledge the problem, but live the solution!

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