OLGA Reflections: Accepting Our Disease

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dan1
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OLGA Reflections: Accepting Our Disease

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OLGA Reflections

Wisdom of Recovery

Accepting our Disease

Reflection At first, we don't even think we have a problem. Eventually, we begin to see that there is a problem, but we think we can control it. Finally, we realize we can't. We become hopeless. That's when it's time to seek help.

When we come to the fellowship, we find people we can relate to, perhaps for the first time. We realize that their problems are much like our own. Their gaming was out of control, and it did all sorts of damage. There is only one thing wrong: These people call themselves addicts. We may not like that term. We may think it's a bit too strong for us.

Even when we accept we are addicts, we hold reservations. We might believe, against all evidence and experience, that one day we will be cured. On that day, we'll be able to go back to gaming. Maybe not our favorite game, but some nice ones. We hope we can get enjoyment from it again.

But brains tend not to forget what has been learned. We may choose to wear sandals, but we never forget how to tie our shoes. Eventually we see that addiction will walk with us forever. We will always need to remember what it did to us. We will always need to have our experience validated. We may always need the fellowship. We certainly will always need support to live life in a different way.

This is acceptance. And when we accept that we are addicts, and accept that we need help, then a miracle begins to happen. We find that if we are open to it, if we are willing, help comes to us. It comes from within us, from friends and family, from the fellowship. It comes when we need it. And that's something to be grateful for.

Question: Do I accept that I'm an addict? Do I understand and really believe that my disease cannot be cured?

Action: Think about an area of recovery where you are having to use a lot of willpower. Accept that you are an addict who needs help, and call another addict who you believe may help you.

Prayer: Higher Power, help me to realize that I'm only human, and that my disease is serious and can't be cured. Help me to admit my mistakes and to be open to receiving help.

I am a recovering computer game and gambling addict. My recovery birthday: On May 6, 2012 I quit games and began working a program of recovery through OLGA No computer games or slot games for me since December 12, 2012. No solitaire games with real cards since June 2013.

Patria
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OLGA Daily Reflections
OLGA Daily Reflections wrote:

Question: Do I accept that I'm an addict? Do I understand and really believe that my disease cannot be cured?

I did not EVER want to accept that. Especially about gaming. Gaming? you got to be kidding. Kids play games. We give games to kids! I've played games with the kids.

And then I discovered, late in age, MMORPGs.....I bought my first game on November 23rd 2004 and didn't get out of the game until June 1, 2011.

The day I figured out that I was addicted to gaming was a really bad day. I was 100% depressed. How could this happen? Why me?

Well, spending any time at all on "why me" doesn't get me anywhere, so I got a friend here who helped me work the 12 steps; we skyped and shared and it helped me get through the cravings.

The longer I stayed away from games, the more I felt that it was the right thing to do. I didn't love life right away, it took a lot of time. And effort. I was so used to instant pleasure that real life felt boring and depressing.

As time went on though, I rediscovered books, reading, gardening (the cats love all the catnip in the back yard), painting and playing the piano. And exercise.

It's not been easy, but gaming addictively was much harder...and with gaming I felt guilty. I don't feel guilty anymore, and every day that I participate in life is a good day.

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