OLGA Reflections for July 21st
Wisdom from the chatroom
For some of us, envy goes back a long ways; perhaps we didn't get some of the things we needed or wanted as a child, perhaps we were constantly criticized. In any case, we feel that we don't want to be ourselves. Our gaming not only takes us away from our lives, from our feelings, but it also allows us to "be" someone else. Someone smarter or faster, prettier or richer, more influential or powerful. Someone who is a winner. Because we aren't winning in real life while we are gaming, that's for sure.
But this only feeds our envy: because those things aren't real, and we know it. Before we know it, envy's little brother and sister, self-pity and self-centeredness, have` taken up residence in our minds. And they just feed our addiction more.
Envy can also be a big part of what we feel in recovery. First, we can feel envious of people who can control their gaming. Why can't I game casually? Why can't I participate in the fun that many people have by gaming? There are even some people we just can't be close friends with. It seems unfair. And we can also be envious of others in recovery. Maybe someone seems to be recovering "faster" than we are. We need to remember not to compare our insides to someone else's outsides.
What can be done about envy? Well, the Serenity Prayer helps us here: one of the things we can't change is who we have been and what we are. All we can actually do is act differently today; and that's where our recovery lies. We also begin to learn to love ourselves, to stop wishing to be someone else. The love shown to us by our sponsor, the fellowship and our higher power shows us the way.
Questions: Do I still harbor envy and self-pity? What is it about myself that I haven't accepted?
Actions: List at least 10 things about yourself that you like. Make a decision to do something to show that you love yourself today.
Prayer: Higher Power, help me to accept myself and what I have as completely as you do, as fully as the fellowship does. May I focus today on how my gifts might be helpful to others..
I am a recovering computer game and gambling addict. My recovery birthday: On May 6, 2012 I quit games and began working a program of recovery through OLGA No computer games or slot games for me since December 12, 2012. No solitaire games with real cards since June 2013.