Processing Anger With An Open Heart

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Gettingalife
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Processing Anger With An Open Heart

Excellent article about anger and how we choose to experience it.

http://www.awakin.org/read/view.php?tid=929

The comments that follow it are worth reading, too.

Acceptance. When I am disturbed, it is because a person, place, thing, or situation is unacceptable to me. I find no serenity until I accept my life as being exactly the way it is meant to be. Nothing happens in God’s world by mistake.  Acknowledge the problem, but live the solution!

Patria
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Loved it: Quote: Most

Loved it:

Quote:

Most anger in our society is "anger-with-the heart-closed." Many of us are in the habit of automatically using our anger vindictively to protect ourselves or to impose our will upon others. -

For some reason, my fellow AA friends, seem to think that feelings (in recovery) are all bad unless it is "happy, joyous, and free." But it aint' so. Feelings are facts, but feelings do tell me something about my self. The 12 step program I follow tells me that when I am disturbed, something is disturbed but the problem is in me, not the other person.

That means to me, that if someone is a jerk, being a jerk, and acting like a jerk--and I get disturbed about it--then why am I disturbed? 1) why am I listening to them? 2) why do I need their approvel? 3) why do I need to tell them what I think? 4) why do they need to believe me, 5) why is this person in my life?

If I figure out why to the above questions I can usually figure out why they upset me. Sometimes I've had to remove my self from the situation. Sometimes I need to realize that I can misinterpret what someone is saying. Or someone has misinterpreted what I said, but not everyone needs to understand me or my thoughts. And I don't need every one in my life who has decided to be in my life.

A feeling is another tool to check out my motives. When I thought feelings had to be expressed to everyone (after years and years of stuffing feelings) things got out of hand. It's ok to feel feelings, but it's not ok for me to express those feelings without doing an inventory on the disturbed ones first.

At least that's what is working for me lately.

Exavatar
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Very great article.  I'm

Very great article. I'm learning how to respond honestly but trying not to sling mud when I'm angry about something. It's a new way for me to be, but I know for a fact that shoving my angry feelings down only makes things worse. The trick for me is to maintain my boundaries. Once I start letting those drop, that opens the door for escalation. Hopefully some day I will get better at expressing my boundaries and/or anger clearly and in a more caring way for not only myself but for the other person. I'm trying to practice this, but I have a long way to go.

"Even when you think it's about you, it's not about you." Dr. Bill

Dawn S.
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Excavator, Boundaries are

Excavator,

Boundaries are like clothes ...they may itch but your behind is showing without them. It's ok to be angry or frustrated but you are here and you have won the freedom to have the hot sun on your face...or the icy blast of the winter wind. You are becoming able to find reality. Welcome, and guess what....here the roses have a beautiful smell that you have been missing. That reminds me my husband always says "Guess what...?" Before he says I loves me. So , guess what? You have my love as well. Your companions and you give me hope for my son.

Gettingalife
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One of the greatest gifts of

One of the greatest gifts of life in recovery is that I'm experiencing more and more calm and serenity. My life before was chronic flashpoints because I had no practical concept of healthy boundaries - where you ended and I began was a blurry mess. I was angry because I'd experienced others' vindictive and imposing anger, and I was passing it on. Recovery for me means I break that chain. I wake up to what is and make new choices. I don't expect to never experience anger, but I do hope to experience it and express it very differently than I have in the past.

Acceptance. When I am disturbed, it is because a person, place, thing, or situation is unacceptable to me. I find no serenity until I accept my life as being exactly the way it is meant to be. Nothing happens in God’s world by mistake.  Acknowledge the problem, but live the solution!

terindas
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Very nice article.  But i

Very nice article. But i have to agree good and bad feelings are both needed to make it threw recovery.

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