The Serenity Prayer in practice

Good evening fellow OLGA members :)

I just wanted to share an adaptatin of one of my daily readers, and share a little of my experience, strength and hope through it as well.

"Often in the quiet stillness of late evening, my mind begins to reel and the fearful projections of doom and gloom try to settle in. To gain some peace and perspective, I use the Serenity Prayer to break the cycle. First, I substitute the prayer for my insane thoughts and recite it as many times as necessary to focus on the here and now. Then I break the prayer down into its three parts and apply them to my jumbled mind.

I repeat the process until serenity settles over me like a warm and cozy blanket, encouraging me to relax in body, mind, and spirit until I finally fall asleep."

So I guess for me, I describe my head when it's in a bad place as my "washing-machine" head... and when it's on a full-speed spin cycle... it is hell. Luckily through the 12 steps programme I have learnt to pick up lots of recovery tools and now my "hell" is not as painful, intense or long-lasting. I do have restful nights' sleep. I like myself, mostly, most days. I can go to bed at peace with myself and I can wake up happy to be alive. This was not the case for many years.

In my recovery, I have used the Serenity Prayer in several ways.

One is using it as a mantra, when my obsession comes back. It has saved my bacon many times... I just keep on repeating it in my head over and over, and eventually my want to pick up my game again goes for the time being.

I also use it to look at the thing I can, and can't change:

Serenity as acceptance: I can accept that cannot change the fact that I AM A GAME ADDICT, and always will be. I cannot change other people, places, things or events. I cannot change the past.

Courage as hope: I CAN STAY GAME-FREE, by practising the 12 steps, sharing with other game-addicts and doing this One Day At A Time. I can change my perspectives, my thoughts, my attitudes, my behaviours, and in time and often over a long period of time even my feelings. I can practise healthy behaviours and attitudes at home and at work, with my family, friends and my partner. I can develop a spiritual life and be ever closer to my HP. I can work on my fears. I can use the slogans to help me with my daily ups and downs (and middles).

Wisdom as life: For me the "wisdom" part of the prayer is just about practising the serenity prayer in my life ... looking at what is in front of me, accepting it, processing it and making a decision if any action is necessary. The 3As bascially: Awareness - Acceptance - Action. In a way, the Wisdom part used to annoy me. It seemed obsolete. If you apply the Serenity and Courage parts, well, then what was the point. I know somewhere in my bellly, now, that it is important - but in a spiritual way. It is KNOWING THE DIFFERENCE. I appreciate this part now... the more often I choose to apply the prayer to my problems, the more I get it. It stengthens my feeling of my HP's grace somehow. It is a feeling, of wellnes, that things are ok, were ok and will be ok. It just depends on how I'm looking at things. It is a wonderful freedom; scary at first and wonderous after. :) I like saying "practice makes progress" too - I find that freeing as well. I can allow myself to make mistakes, to be human, to not get things right, to not finish things, to just be.

An recent example is this: My new flat-mate woke me up this morning about two hours before I would have like to wake up, and he woke me up in the middle of the night as well. I felt tired and grumpy. He is a good friend and going through some tough stuff at the moment. I got up while he was pottering about, got myself a cup of tea and my breakfast. I went to my room. I did a little me-type prayer and did some recovery reading. I then sighed. I felt annoyed. I thought I cannot change the fact he has woken me and that I cannot get back to sleep. I can change my view on it. I can be gentle and patient -with myself- for the rest of the day. I can think of how to talk to him, in a respectful way to say "please don't do xyz that early while I'm sleeping as it wakes me up". So, I had an ok day in the end. I am extremely tired but I did not have an awful day. It was ok. I got a text from him and I let him know I felt tired and a bit grumpy but that it will pass and asked him not to change his routine a little maybe. He apologised. I got on with my day. I got home. We talked a little and he thanked me for being there for him. I said I did not expect him to be fun, or happy, or sad or angry or anything for that matter; he can just be him and I understand that he is having a tough time. He said sorry about the morning routine thing. I said that's ok, but to be thoughtful. We came to an understanding. It was ok. :) ... Now, in the past, before I had any reins over my emotions, I would have blown up, said some hard truths, rationalised my behaviour, been pushing not to appologise and may have created some drama. Then I would have felt guilty, or angry, or betrayed, or ... take-your-pick ... and I would have thrown myself into the oblivion of the game to ignore it all and hope it went away. I am SO happy and SO grateful that I have more choices now, and the only reason I have them is because of the 12 steps.

I am going to bed now ZZZ's :) ... I hope you who have stayed awake through this rather long share, hehe, have a peaceful night's rest once you get to that time, and that you can go to bed and say thanks for having a game-free day. I'm going to bed with that feeling, and I've got You and my HP to thank. I cannot make it alone - and I don't have to.

Nite nite

ET